Drive it like you stole it!
An old friend of mine, "Robert", is very talented in making up, or picking up, really funny little catch phrases. He kills me. The title of this entry, "Drive it like you stole it", is the newest I've heard from him. He said it Saturday night during the last five laps of the NASCAR race and I about pissed my pants. Of course, my entry has nothing to do with driving, but I've titled it that anyway.
It's not always easy thinking of a title for every entry, and sometimes I'll slap in song lyrics or something else completely unrelated to the entry. Now, every once in a while, I'll put in a "Robert-ism" as they pop into my head.
My favorite Robert-ism is "It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway", which he says in reference to loose women. My second favorite, which I use fairly often and my husband often mangles the shit out of is, "Like a hobo on a ham sandwich", in reference to someone being very interested in something (you know, like hungry kids on a birthday cake).
On another note, I've found myself becoming more and more disgusted with overweight people. Probably because I've lost so much weight, with my health being the number one reason for doing so. And, if you're packing an extra 50-100 lbs, I'm not disgusted with that. It's the huge people, the ones who have to go around the supermarket in a mart cart, or who have handicapped plates solely because they're so fucking fat, and my favorite, those that collect SSI and their disability is being OBESE. (Having formerly been employed by a credit union, I saw that firsthand, and it does happen).
Hello?!? What's wrong with that picture? Perhaps if they were to, I don't know, WALK around the store, park a little further away rather than the rockstar parking that handicapped plates can provide, or, hell, even FUCKING GO TO WORK, they wouldn't have that problem. I'm sorry, but 80 year old granny with severe arthritis really needs that place more than FAtty McFat, dontcha think?
I feel bad about my latest prejudice, but obesity is an epidemic in our country. Ever go to an elementary school and see how many fat kids there are? Of course it's not their fault, and those poor kids go through hell. I wasn't a fat kid but I was friends with a girl who was extremely overweight when we were 11 & 12 years old and kids were brutal to her, which stunk because under all that fat, she was a great friend and fun to be with. (And in the end, I, too, was a shit to her because I got sick of being the fat girl's friend. It was wrong, and evn now, 22 years later, I still feel like a jerk, but, hey, I was 12!!!) Fortunately, my kids aren't overweight (yet!) and I steer them toward eating well and keeping active, but I never deny them goodies, either, just not all the time. Weight Watchers has helped us all eat better, as all the extra fruits and veggies in the house get mowed down by them more than me.
Yesterday I took the kids to Wendy's. (WHich, btw, I love how the fast food places are getting a clue and offering healthier choices. My kids were more than thrilled to get mandarin orange slices instead of fries). There was a family sitting near us that I observed while the kids were eating. Both parents were obese, and the two young girls were too. Poor things. Anyway, they were all eating huge burgers, took off the lettuce and tomato, and super sized everything. The woman had my sympathy at the same time as she had my, not disgust, but...distaste? (the friggin thesaurus is not helping me at all here). When she got up, she struggled to walk. Drop stomach, fat ass, wearing those friggin stretch pant things. She walked to the trash, and then they went to their vehicle, which was parked directly in front of the door, due to their handicapped plates. The vehicle was a big SUV, a Navigator, and they had no problem hauling their big selves into that, but I guess walking 25 extra feet is much more difficult.
I can sympathize and be disgusted at the same time. I could have given them a little list of stuff that they could start on right away, simple little steps that would probably take 50 lbs off of each of them without much effort. But, I know where my head was at when I was obese, and I had to come around on my own. My motivator was my health. There is a history of heart disease in my family, and I was getting heartburn so badly that at times I thought it was my heart. My biggest fear in life is dying before my kids are old enough to take care of themselves. My mom died when I was a kid and I know what that did to me and my life and I never want it to happen to my kids. Not to mention that if I passed, they'd be screwed for life, whether they stayed with Hub, or my dad, or either of their sperm donors. Screwed for life being a major understatement. Hub and my dad mean well, but would be far from ideal parenting figures (way farther than me). And the sperm donors? Well, neither feel real warm fuzzies when it comes to me, or the kids, as they've both abandoned the children they helped bring into this world.
So, I probably added 30 years onto my life by shedding all that fat. And, yeah, I intend to do something about the alcohol use (for fear of cirrhosis) and the dope smoking (lung cancer, emphesyma) as well.
And I'll admit, I don't know how to spell cirrohsis or emphasema, but you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway. I've had my vent. I've gotta get outta here. Sayonara!
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