"Hello

Yay. The weekend's over, the sun is shining, and it's a brand new week. Fucking hoooooo-ray.

I took the debit card from Hub. I told him I needed it to order another one, since it's all worn out and cracked. I figured that way I'd get it back easier than telling him I'm actually taking it away from him. And I did, he handed it right over. When he was gone, I cut it up into a bazillion little pieces and I will not be ordering another one.

I also hid the checks to the business account, since his words to me last week during his stupid hissy fit were, "I'll just take a check and sign it myself if you don't". Which, for one, he's not an authorized signer on the account, so he can't sign. But does Joe Buttfuck at Home Depot know that? No, he doesn't.

Friday, I cut payroll. It was small, not even $300, but you have to understand that the way things are right now, that is a lot of money to the business. It's fucking pathetic. Anyway, so I cut payroll and let him know, it's tight. Their checks might not cash. Did he fucking care? No, he went out and fucking spent it. "I needed...". Yah. Shut the fuck up, you need a fucking kick in the head.

I'm so sick of worrying about fucking money. Sick and fucking tired of him presenting me with more in receipts than the balance in the account. I'm sick of not being able to pay bills because he's spent it out from under me. He doesn't give a fuck, and seems to spend more and more when we're in a crunch. He's killing us. So, fuck him. He'll be at my mercy now and watch, suddenly money will be coming in faster. He is at my mercy because he will not be able to spend a dime without my approval. No more debit card, that solves a bunch of problems, and he won't be taking blank checks anywhere. Period.

I am fully committed to going back to work in the fall. It won't be easy, and since I'm skilled more at 8-5 type jobs, I'll likely be back at that grind. I need to, for me and for my kids. I am totally going to lean on Beavis for help with the kids if I end up needing it. Oh fucking well if it ties him down, he needs to do it. Sorry if you'll have to watch the kids everyday until I'm home from work. He needs to help me out more, they all do. It's that, or I lose my fucking mind. It's that easy.

Ugh, I'm just a point where I have to stop worrying about things like being a single mom and struggling. What's worse, being a struggling single mom or living like I am? Guess what, struggling was difficult for me but nothing like the life I've been living for the past year or so. I have no control whatsoever over anything. None. And I am a person who needs to be in control, at least have some . I have none right now.

I feel like such a non-person here most of the time. Especially as far as he goes. My opinion, how I feel about him ruining my name with this business, my feelings matter for shit. He might say otherwise, but actions speak louder than words, and his actions tell me that he thinks he should do whatever he wants and I should shut the fuck up.

I don't care about separating the kids from Hub, I don't care about any other repercussions. (In case I haven't mentioned, my plan is #1 get a job and a steady income and #2 get rid of Hub). I was here once before, when I threw Dick out. I just stopped worrying about everything and threw his ass out, and amazingly, everything fell into place so easily once I did.

I just have to make it through the next two months.

Anyway, also, I have to rant about my nephew's stupid fucking piece of shit mother, Nina. First off, I came home from making a deposit at the credit union (to bring my balance up from negative $363, ain't he fucking priceless), and who's in my yard waiting, Jaegan, Josh and fucking Julie. First off, get Julie the fuck out of my yard cuz I'm not babysitting for even a second. Oh! It's 10:00, can Mickey play? I told them, it's too fucking early (most likely, I didn't really at them). All summer I'm going to have them at my door at 10:00? No fucking thanks, leave me alone. Go whine in your own yard.

So, I sent them right home. Two minutes later I was washing the front window (which needs to be washed fifty times a week cuz stupid kids can't keep their greasy little fingers off of it, this includes the large almost 15 year old child), and Nina goes driving off in the truck.

A little while later, Jaegan was back over. "Can Mickey play?".

I asked, "Why aren't you at school?"

He said, "Cuz I didn't wake up until 9:00".

I said, "School starts at 9:00, your mom couldn't give you a ride?"

He siad, "The brakes don't work on the truck"

I said, "She just left in the truck, the brakes work fine for wherever she needs to go right now"

He said, "I don't know where she went". Yeah, well, I can guess. She's out visiting her friends. She's probably picking up a bag of weed, too. She can do all that but she can't drop his ass off at school which is a two minute ride here. So, he's home having another day off and being allowed to run all over the fucking neighborhood as his reward.

I am so sick of that bitch. I can't fucking wait until they move, and they will be. Probably not until September, but the landlord is giving them notice in a few weeks to "give them time to get a place before school starts", which is what he's saying, but he just wants them out. Hub asked Jay if they're looking yet, and he said they're just going to wait until the last minute, basically.

OMG. Whatever. Just move. I feel so bad about the whole thing. I will never, ever do that again.

Anyway, I want to have my nice salad before Colin and Makayla get here.

Bye.

Listening to: REM.

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