One morning, I woke up and I knew you were really gone...
I haven�t been writing cuz all I can think about is my fucking pathetic life and how much I absolutely cannot fucking stand my husband and how goddamned sick and fucking tired of kids I am and just�ICK. So excuse me for being redundant.
The IRS is after me. A woman came over the other day when I was next door. It�s only like $3000 that the business owes so I suppose it could be worse. Still it�s freaking me out. I told Hub about it the other day and he couldn�t care less. Ah, big deal, the IRS. You know.
He�s always there for me when I need support. He�s my rock. Oh, except not. Even in the least. I�m so sick of it.
I sit here, and I have the IRS lady�s number in front of me, and I can�t call. I have a pile of �work� that I�m just looking at. I�m like paralyzed. I can�t deal with it. I hate this fucking business so much. Why did he say he was going to dissolve it and then he just keeps it going? He thinks everything is going to be fine and he�s just SO FUCKING STUPID.
I can�t even talk to him unless I�m drinking. I have no patience left for him. When he talks, he can�t get to the fucking point and I�ve had enough of his fucking rambling, aimless crap.
Ya know what else? I�m sick of him not being a man of his word. I�m sick of having smoke blown up my ass and then him getting pissed at me because he promised something would happen and it didn�t and I got pissed about it. Don�t fucking write checks your ass can�t cash. Which is all he ever does.
My marriage is a joke. Much in the same way that my feelings and myself are not treated with simple courtesy, I have no courtesy for it. Fuck him, I say. He can�t give me simple courtesy, and I�m sick of doing it for him.
Here�s an example. I asked him to let me know if Daisy is going to be here on a certain day. Let me know ahead of time so I can get shit done that I�d rather not do with her hyper spastic ass around (which is basically EVERYTHING). Just asking for some courtesy, a little consideration. His response? Not a simple, �okay dear, that sounds easy enough�. Nope, cuz that�s just asking too much. No, I get �I�LL FIND A BABYSITTER FOR HER THEN�. Ya know, fuck off.
He thinks I�m just supposed to love these kids like my own and it�s fucking hard as hell. Daisy is a spoiled brat. I�m sick of trying so hard to be a good step mom because I just get taken for granted because of it. Does that make sense? Who knows.
Yesterday was Daisy�s day with her mom (it�s �his week�, they alternate weeks during the summer) and I took my kids to see Superman Returns. Which I loved. I specifically took them knowing Daisy wouldn�t be going. Oh fucking well. And in (less than!) two weeks when Jennifer is here and we go to the beach, I�m telling him that he needs to do something with Daisy, cuz I�m not taking her. Period. Fuck that shit. And if he doesn�t like it, I don�t care. It�s not like the kid doesn�t have a mom who loves her to death and does shit with her. I don�t need to be her mom, she has one. Hub doesn�t get that.
He doesn�t get anything. He doesn�t get me. My feelings about anything don�t matter, they�re just a pain in the ass. Well, fuck you too.
Enough of that crap. I know, I�m always whining. Well, it�s all I got most days.
We hit the pond four days in a row and my tan is FABULOUS. I�m still down the 11 pounds, but I didn�t weigh in last night. Not feeling like it was a good week, so I�m starting over.
I took off the other night when I�d had enough of the kids and the husband. Just said �I�m going to the store� and left. I went to Wally World. All by myself. Holy crap, the world almost ended. It gave me plenty of time to go through the bathing suits on clearance and finally found one I liked in my size.
Fucking Nina bought the same one yesterday. Yay. And I got to hear her talk about it ad fucking nauseum. She just does not shut the fuck up ever.
They threw her mom out last Friday. I�ve had babysitting requests ever since and have refused every single one. My babysitting days are OVER. Tuesday I had no Colin and Makayla. That�s freedom. She asked if I wanted to take three of her�s �for an hour� so she could get a pedicure. I looked at her and said, �No. I�m down two as it is, why would I want three more?�. Sooner or later she�ll get the clue. Wait a minute, I am talking about Nina. She won�t get the clue.
Anyway. I suppose I should get back to staring at the shit I have to deal with and not deal with it.
Toodles.