"Where's my jacket? I wanna get out of here"
It�s official: Myspace is a douchebag. A gigantic bag of fucking douche. That�s all I have to say about that.
Anyway. What�s new in my world? Not much. I figured it�s about time I get the scoop on Nina�s uterus off my current page. Oh also, don�t worry, her uterus won�t be producing anymore chillens, she had her tubes tied after the baby was born.
Oh, and? The landlord called them last night and asked if they could please be out by September 1st, so they will be moving soon. The people on the other side of them, Dave & Debbie, just bought a house and will be moving in August. So, the house next door will be empty for a bit until it�s sold. I can�t fuggen wait to see what moves in. It seems like every time someone moves out of this neighborhood, someone worse moves in to replace them. I don�t know how Nina and Co. could be topped, but I�m willing to bet it can be done.
My anxiety level has been crazy lately. It�s weird. It�s not so much the stressed out freaking out grinding my teeth type that I�ve been living with for the past who fucking knows how long. It�s happening mostly in the late afternoon, early evenings and it�s all in my head, I�m not like pacing the floors or losing my shit. Too much. But I�m getting almost paralyzed by feelings of desperation and neediness. Does that make sense? I can pretty much avoid it if I find something to do that makes me feel good (ie; drink beer, hang out with friends), but I can�t be doing that every day.
I don�t know what it is, but these feelings are kind of scaring me. This is the first that I�ve expressed it outside of my head. I don�t know what to do, but if these feelings keep up I�m not going to be able to live with it. As it is I�ve had thoughts in my head that scare me (no I�m not suicidal or homicidal, I won�t be drowning my kids in the bathtub or anything) and at the same time I find them to be very comforting. It�s not anything I want to go into too deeply here. Suffice it to say I am once again struggling with being selfish and wanting what I want and not giving a royal fuck about any kind of repercussions.
I know that once I go back to work and get back out into the �real world� (ha ha) and am collecting my own paycheck (the very thought of which makes me pee a little) and am spending my day with other adults (unless I get some kind of customer service shit, which means I�ll spend 90% of my time dealing with fucking asshole retards, but if the price is right I�ll do it), then things should improve. Of course I�ll still be married to my husband, so it won�t be 100% better or anything.
My husband. The man who�s idea of talking about the current state of our marriage is, �Do you still love me?� or �Still want to divorce me?�. And how the fuck am I supposed to answer that? I know, like this: #1 �Not in the way that you mean� and #2 �Fuck yeah�.
Again, this morning I get news that pisses me off. He started a new job on Monday doing irrigation for a guy who doesn�t know how, evidently. I haven�t asked Hub too much about it seeing as I haven�t talked to him much and also because I know that I�m not gonna like the info I do get about it. (I�m working well with the avoidance and the denial, thank you). Anyway, Butthead also started working for the same guy. This morning he was talking about the job with me and I asked if they�d filled out paperwork and he said no and expressed his concern over this, especially with Worker�s Comp and the possibility that they get hurt at work, this guy could just say �Who? They don�t work for me�. This is the fucking 17 year old, who is dumb as a stump but obviously has more sense than his 35 year old father.
ARGH. No job app, no w-2, NOTHING. It is so fucking irritating at this point that I can�t even get *that* pissed about it. Ya know I�m not perfect or anything, I�ll be the first to admit it. But I am so sick and tired of dealing with his dimwittedness. Mr Effin� Nice Guy. God forbid you cover your ass and expect to get paid for working. He just gets fucked up the ass with no Vaseline left and right. I think he likes it. He�s a repressed homosexual maybe.
So, I re-read those two paragraphs and then I don�t feel so bad about some of the things I�ve been thinking. Especially concerning that fucking smoking hot piece of man Bo and the intense flirtations that have taken place with him lately. OMG I said I wasn�t gonna get into it here.
Anyway. I�m keeping my weight down. I weighed in the other day and I was only down .2, but I have a feeling it�s bloat week. I�ve lost more weight, I know it. So, officially, I�m still down just 11 lbs, but I have a feeling next week the scale will show I�m down a bit more than that. All of my clothes fit me again and that�s exciting as all hell. No more spare tires/muffin tops. At least with all the crap in my life, I�ve been able to not just not gain more weight, but actually lose it. Like my mind, ha ha.
I�m starving and also I want to check myspace and see if it�s still being a douchebag. I put up a bunch of new pics on flickr, mostly bugs but a few from our little trail walk the other day.
Ciao.