I hate everyone. This might include you.
I hate everyone right now. I am in one hell of a piss ass mood and I'm about to vent the fuck out of it.
Haven't been here in quite sometime due to my old computer up and died. Dead. Just like that. Of course, we knew it was going to happen, it had been suffering for so long. So we got a brand spankin' new one the other day. The first thing I wanted to do was write here, but of course I get no fucking time alone since my husband is a fucking Cling-on. Like dingleberries in ass hair. I am so sick of it.
This time of the month, PMS time, I just want some quality time to myself. Just me. I think I've gone over this before. It infuriates me that I have to throw a fucking fit to get it. If I ask nicely, I get attitude from my husband. It totally sucks big fat cock. The other night, when we got the computer, he set up in our room to watch tv (which he'll do if I'm planning on being up there), so I said, "well, I'm going to go downstairs and play on the computer" and of course he says, "Well, I'll turn of the tv and come down with you" and I said, "I can't go down by myself?" to which he says, "Whatever" with his little attitude. So I figure that this is my opportunity to go over this nicely with him, maybe if I explain to him again, he'll understand. So I start, "It really bothers me that if you don't like what I have to say, you don't listen to me, you just clam me up with WHATEVER". And I had planned from there to explain how sometimes I just want to be alone, it's nothing against him but I just need to re-group by myself, blah, blah, blah..you know, in a nice way so he might understand. Could I do that? FUCK NO. I got as far as "It really bothers me" and I get cut off with, "Just go!". This is such a major issue for me, and it can't be addressed because he doesn't want any part of it. This is a great way of trotting down the road to divorce. And he has no idea. If I do something that bothers him, I'll listen to him, apologize for any wrongdoing on my part, and I make an effort to prevent it from happening again. I can accept constructive criticsm. I'm not a perfect person, and I'm the first to admit it and the first to take steps to improve myself. Him? I guess not. I tried to address the issue again at a later time. "It really bothers me that if you don't like what I have to say, you don't even let me say what I have to say". Couldn't even get that out. But I'm supposed to kiss his fucking ass. How about this? Fuck you.
Then there's his wonderful son Butthead. Like to shoot him with a good tranquilizer dart sometimes. I've mentioned before the moping on the weekends, watching fucking Noggin and coloring and playing Play-Doh with the little kids. Kid's got a tv with cable in his room, but can't possibly watch it if he knows we're up here. READ A FUCKING BOOK, for the love of God, just get the fuck out of my hair. Hub had enough this morning so he dragged his ass out. "I'll be back sometime today". And he's got the keys to the van. Now, he has a truck that I can't drive because it has a damn plow on it. So, in essence, he wants to take the van and stick me with no vehicle, and I have groceries to get. So, I point this out, and he throws the keys and says "Fine! I'll take the truck!". How about this? FUCK YOU. Dink.
I hate everyone. Hub is #1 on the Shit List. I wish I had a fucking Clonipin. Then my hatred wouldn't be quite so strong. I love him to death, but it just gets to be a bit much. I work full time, I've got kids to take care of, I have a house to take care of. It gets to be a lot sometimes, all of that and his friggin' baggage to deal with to boot. Like that fucking custody battle from hell. And is it too much to ask for that I just get some time alone? I could think of many other ways to relax and re-group that perhaps would be more harmful, but I choose not to do those things for fear of hurting him or my kids or even myself. Is it too much to ask for a little time alone? Guys?
I am going to attempt yet again to address this with him, and if he cops an attitude, perhaps a little eye-opener that this is a big issue for me with the potential for divorce down the road, maybe then he'll listen? Not using it as a threat, but just to say that this is important, he needs to listen or it will snowball over time. And then if he doesn't listen, I'm going to resort to my all-time favorite, the Silent Treatment. I can be cold as ice when I want to.
And my mind still wanders. I met another man at work, (I'll call him"Dave) I actually know him and his wife through work, and he came in a few weeks ago to open his own account because they're getting divorced. I extended my sympathies, but he didn't seem too broken up about it. Nor was I. Had I not been married, I would have extended my phone number. We hit it off like you wouldn't believe. Turns out he's from Vermont, so we talked about Vermont, I mentioned my visit to Winooski and of course he was familiar with the area. Where was he when I wasn't married? Oh yeah, probably he was married. This whole marriage thing can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. I never have any need to argue with those people that say, "I'm never getting married", I think they're onto something. If I end up divorced, I'm never getting married again. This is nothing new. Long ago I decided that I will only marry once. That means if I get divorced, that's it. I love having a husband, as much as he pisses me off, but it's so much fucking work.
I'm rambling. Hub just called to announce they're coming back. Gotta go. Bye.
Listening to: Currently reading: Thinking about: