Kid rant--Beavis has to die

Well, there's nothing like having a birthday to make you realize how pitifully ingrateful your kids are. I'm trading my own son in for my step-son. And that's not to say that Butthead is a better kid than Beavis, he's just less shitty. Ask Butthead to give me a break for my birthday and he can handle it for a day. Ask Beavis? Shee-it, that's a challenge! How long can it take Beavis to piss Mom off? Less time than it took that owl to bite into the Tootsie Roll Pop. Little fucker. I absolutely FREAKED THE FUCK OUT on him this morning and it was within 15 mintues of his waking up. Why? He can't even ATTEMPT to do even PART of what he's asked to do. Or what he's asked not to do, he'll do it anyway.

I'm thinking about using reverse pyschology on the little bastard. "Beavis, I'd like it if you just not do anything you're asked to anymore. I'd like to see how disgusting you can make your room, and if you can start any new breeds of fungus on your rug, that'll be cool. Please leave your sopping wet towels on the floor or the furniture. And, please, I love it so much when you forget your Concerta and you make all those loud noises, especially the ones you do right in my ear. And any rules we have in the house? Break them, please, and break them well. Speaking of breaking, please feel free to break whatever you like in the house. The furniture, other kids' stuff, my stuff, Hub's tools (he just loves it so much when you get into his tools and make them disappear!), heck, even the cabinets and parts of the house, cuz we don't want to see one damn penny of our security deposit when we move! And, I'll make you an administrator on the computer, like you've been asking for months, so that you can download ANYTHING YOU WANT and fill this sucker up! We haven't had a virus since the last computer died, and we're still paying for this one, so please get it infected". Of course this wouldn't work, cuz he's already doing this shit (except the computer part, that'll never happen).

I know I've got a few teenagers reading this and, kids, allow me to let you in on a little secret. Your parents aren't crazy. At least, they weren't until you came along. Actually, they were fine until you turned 8 or 9 and you discovered that you know everything. The next few years became a downward spiral for them, until you hit your teen years, and that's when the schizophrenia kicked in. I learned in psych that schizophrenia isn't something you can catch, but obviously those psychiatrists who claim that don't have kids--or they have a full-time nanny. If they start freaking out on you, it's either your fault or they just haven't had a drink yet. Or a fatty. Or a pill.

I'll admit I've abused drugs and alcohol since long before the little menace came along, so I can't say he drove me to drink. He just drove me to enjoy it more.

So, after my freak out this morning, Hub took all the kids. A wise choice, even though I miss the little ones like crazy right now. I'm alone in my house, and here I am, ranting and raving on D-land. Yey, I love ranting and raving! My daddy is coming over in a bit and hopefully he won't stay too long, because then Mama is gonna go to the shoe store and buy a nice new pair of shoes and then she gonna stop at the store and buy a 12 pack of Mich Ultra and she gonna drink the whole damn thing this afternoon. And she gonna be in bed by 7 and she gonna regret it tomorrow, but that's tomorrow.

So if you read a post later by some poor little 13 year old child about how Mama got drunk today and burned his stuff, that's me!

It's amazing how a child who was the apple of my eye for so long is now the subject of my plans for murder. At least my daughter is starting to be a shit early so I don't suffer from any delusions that she's a "good kid".

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