On substance abuse and related matters

I'm having substance abuse issues. All over the place.

First, I drank last night (11 frickin' beers, man) and the night before. So I've had very little quality sleep, and I'm feeling slightly depressed. I've been lazy as all hell today and yesterday (even tho I did manage to do groceries today, with Minnie and Mickey in tow, and I had to tap into energy resources I didn't even know I had to do that).

What the hell is it about this computer? It's addictive, that internets thing.

I think my diary isn't working. My guestbook, my notes, my new comments, they don't work anymore, and my buddy list is definitely broke. It won't do that thing where it turns names red. I know that so many of you are dying to contact me, and I've got like three ways to do it and none of them work, I'm really sorry.

Yeah, just a teeny bit of cheeky sarcasm.

My second substance abuse issue is my pot. Or, should I say, my missing pot.

Yeah, it's missing.

It goes like this: I've been collecting roaches for about a month or two in a little Eclipse Mints tin (it's a handy dandy little mari-jewana receptacle disguised as minty freshness). I had a nice little collection going, saving up for a rainy day. You know.

I've had this particular tin since this summer when we went on vacation. It started to get a little banged up, and the lid wasn't staying closed all the time causing leakage. So, I bought a new tin.

I left it in the van so I could eat the mints whilst driving, since I often find myself realizing I have yuck mouth and no water or gum after I've left the house. When I finally finished the mints, I put them in my coat pocket so i could bring them in.

I was going to Shelly's last Saturday and wanted to bring a hooter with me and since the old tin was really stinky, I took it out of my purse and put the new one in.

As far as I can remember (and this memory is slightly unreliable for obvious reasons), I put the old tin into The Secret Drawer and off to Shelly's I went.

Fast forward to Thursday, when I notice our skipper supply is getting low. I went to check for the old tin to grab a roach to puff instead of dipping into our dwindling supply and I couldn't find it. Being strapped for time, I made a note to myself to pursue the seach at a better time.

Yesterday. We ran out and it looks as if perhaps it'll be a day or two before we hook up. Now I REALLY want to find that tin.

I searched The Secret Drawer inside and out and also the closet that it's located in. Nothing.

I checked various other hiding places that I'm likely to stash pot in. Nada.

I checked my bathroom stash spot. Nada Comaneche.

I checked my pockets, I checked empty purses, I checked Hub's clothes, I checked under the bed. I checked on top of the dresser, I checked all the clutter in our room. Nothing.

I re-checked everything. Three times.

In desperation, I even checked the van.

This thing is nowhere to be found.

And while I'm anxious for a buzz, that's not what's really bothering me. There are two separate issues that I have. The first would be that I've left it somewhere that the kids could stumble upon it. However, I can't see myself doing that and I haven't weed good enough to get me that stoned in ages. I'd be more likely to do that if I were drinking. That's when I get truly stupid.

My other issue is my new theory about what happened to it. I don't think I lost or misplaced it. I think it may have been taken.

By Butthead.

I left the bedroom door unlocked once or twice this week when I left the house. He could have just waltzed in there and grabbed it.

Now, we haven't caught him smoking and I hadn't noticed many signs of him using it, but I wasn't really looking for them, either.

But I've been thinking. The kid is failing in school due to his not doing his assignments. He sleeps in English class everyday. He's put a huge dent in the kids' Halloween candy. He's been going out with his friends and not coming home until we're asleep (which is still early, like 9, 9:30), so I haven't been able to assess his condition upon return. And he knows stuff about pot that they don't teach you in school.

Of course, there are holes in my theory. The candy thing, the sleeping in class, the failing in school, the pot thing, that could all be just a result of being a teenager (the failing in school is actually an example of his retardedness). Also, he has asthma which hasn't been acting up at all--and I'd think that if he were puffing the wacky tobacky he'd be wheezing at least a little bit.

Finally, if I were a teenager looking to grab some free weed (and I was once), I wouldn't take the entire thing. I'd pinch it a bit so that it wouldn't be noticed. You know, so you don't get busted and also so that the stash will still be there and not moved the next time.

I mean, the whole fucking tin is gone, he wouldn't have thought that it might arise some suspicions? Right?

I'd like to say that he's smart enough to figure that out, but the past week he's had his head square up his ass, so it's possible that he's not.

I checked his room. I didn't find it. Of course, he's at Shauna's this weekend, so he could have taken it with him.

He usually see his cousin, "Wes", who is a known pothead in the family, when he goes to Shauna's. (Wes from Hub's side of the family, not Shauna's).

And why don't I think it's Beavis? I've been watching him more closely than Butthead. I know him alot better than Butthead. And because guilt would eventually eat him up so much so that he'd confess and give the tin back.

So, what's next? Not something I'd like to confront him about, for two reasons. One, uh, hello, big pothead here. Can you say hypocrite? Also, I never wanted to be the pothead parent yelling at the kids for breaking into my supply. That's very white trash, and I'm not white trash. I'm a redneck.

Picture it, "I told you time and time again, stop smoking my weed! Buy your own!".

The other reason I don't want to confront him?

Uh, what if he didn't take it? Open mouth, insert foot. Naaaaaa, that's Hub's job. I ain't saying shit.

I'll tell you what I will do, though.

First, I'm going to make a better effort to remember to lock the bedroom door. However, in the case that I do forget (and I will), I'm going to relocate the stash from The Secret Drawer. And guess what I'm going to put into the Drawer to replace the stash?

Sex toys and naked pictures of me and Hub.

It'll serve the little fucker right.

Ciao!

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