My Weekend, in a nutshell. Kind of.
Apparently, I�ve survived the weekend. I had such a good weekend, I do believe I�ll be in bed tonight at roughly 7:00.
So. Yesterday, I went out and did my errands in the morning and then picked Beavis up from his sleepover and headed to the mall. What fun shopping is with Minnie and Mickey. Not.
First, we went to Pacsun so Beavis could get his way overpriced sweatshirt. Well, what luck, the exact one he went there to get was half price, so he was also able to purchase a way overpriced t-shirt. Oh, and, yeah, I�m the only mom who will buy herself something at that store. At first I saw a Bam t-shirt that I really wanted. Cuz it was cute and cut the way I like them and because I have the mad hots for that little fucker and would proudly wear his name across my breasts. But for $27.50, I don�t think so. I found an Element t-shirt on clearance for $9.99. Not that I give a crap about Element or anything, it�s just a cute shirt. And now I�m like wicked super cool mom.
Then over to Aeropostale for some stuff for me. I know, I know, I�m too old to shop there, but they didn�t ask for my ID so I was all set. I got a killer pair of stretch low rise flares and a couple of tops for super cheap. Most happy about that. Not happy about walking around a teeny little shop with three kids following me like a fucking train. I could not help but say �choo choo� over and over again.
We went over to Target (fuck them, I�m not linking them) to buy a couple of little pieces of shit for Minnie and Mickey to shut them up. (Hey! Target sells Buddhas now! I was tempted, but didn�t buy one. I have seven in the living room alone as it stands. I might be overdoing it). By the time we got done there, my patience was history. I don�t know why I bring them bastards anywhere.
Anyway, later, Andrea and I made our trip over to the local headshop for incense, sex toys and drug paraphernalia. (I know, I�m so giving up my location with that link, but oh well!). For the Yankee Swap, I bought a pipe and this frickin� �condom extension� enlarge your penis thing. Fucking funny as hell. For myself, I got the little bullet vibe and a glass pipe as Hub has been bitching that he wants one. Those things are not cheap. But anyway. Plus I got some incense which we were desperately in need of, the only stuff I�ve had was some cheap crappola that I picked up at the drug store. I�m fairly fussy about my incense.
The headshop is way cool. They sell all kinds of cool shit. Check it out. They�ve been in town for like 25 years or something. They keep the drug paraphernalia and sex toys in �the back room�, must be 18 to enter. They must have gotten busted recently because they were carding people left and right. I do not have a problem being carded to prove that I am over 18. Anyway, $67 later, we left the headshop and went home.
Babysitting proved to be a challenge last night. We had it arranged that Butthead would babysit after his wrestling meet. Yeah. Except the meet that was supposed to be done by 6:00 wasn�t going to end until like 9:00. WTF? Andrea was getting impatient around 8:00, and called and I had to give the news. I was pissed. I was already getting a buzz going and wanted to go out, dammit. So I totally told her to come pick me up and Hub could meet us later. He didn�t like that but oh well.
Well, Hub gets on the phone and calls one of his nieces, the 18 year old one, pregnant with her second kid and living with the daddy (of both) who is older than me. Sounds all sketchy and shit, but she�s a sweet girl and a very good little mommy for her age or any other. She agreed to take Minnie and Mickey overnight, and they were psyched about it. So was she, as we paid her fucking $80 to do it. She�d have settled for $20, but it was so last minute and they need the cake anyway. So Hub pulled a miracle out of his ass. He does come in handy sometimes.
So, we called Andrea and Willy back to let them know we were on the way. We dumped the kids off, left the van at their house and headed out to partay.
Their friends are a blast. A blast. Let�s get shitty ass drunk and act like pigs. And then there�s Andrea�s cousin, I�ll call him �Cousin Matt�. (Is this just a French-Canadian thing, or do other people do this to: refer to all cousins as �Cousin so and so�. All of the cousins in my family are referred to that way. It kind of cracks me up. I�ve noticed it in other canucks as well). Okay, he just totally turns me on and the feeling is mutual. We could have gotten in serious trouble with the significant others last night, that�s for sure. Fortunately, they weren�t paying that much attention. He also hooked me up with a major strong sex on the beach which I sucked down way fast.
So, we did the Yankee Swap thing. There was a game to go with it, and the person that won got an extra gift. I ended up with it, a key chain that makes the sound of a woman coming. Well, if I didn�t have fun with that last night. Every time Cousin Matt and I would do that flirty eye thing, I would push the button to it.
Anyway, we ended up with the pipe we�d bought, and two burned DVDs (�Anacondas� and �Troy�--both of which Hub was all excited about). Cousin Matt got the penis extender thing, which was funny. There were also a couple of blow-up dolls and various gag gifts. Funny, the guy blow-up doll was hairy!
So, I got myself all drunk �n shit. I even ended up blowing major chunkage, but fortunately made it to the bathroom to do so. Which means the veggies and dip and meatballs I�d chowed down on were out of my system. Yey, bulimia. After that, I took a spot on the couch and passed out. As did Willy. We are so classy. Hub and Andrea managed to get both of us up and into Andrea�s Durango and back to Andrea�s. We passed out on the couch, with their dog who evidently isn�t allowed on the couch. Hub and I fought over the dog like he was a sex partner. I was all like, damn dog is bi-sexual and has no loyalty. (Reminds me of a story my friend out in western NY was telling me. She works for a lawyer and they had a divorce case where the couple was fighting over who got the dog. Because they used the dog for sex. And neither wanted to give the dog up. And they told their damn lawyers this shit. They actually set up a custody schedule for the dog. I wondered, does the dog like this?)
Just an FYI, if you ever have me over drinking, keep your pets away. As much as I don�t care to have a dog of my own, I just love them when I�m drinking and will spoil the shit out of them and feed them real food, probably get them stoned, and basically break all your rules for them. Another thing you should do is if you have one of those magnetic shopping list pads up on your fridge, take it down. I will find it and put things on your list. Like, �K-Y jelly�, �jock itch cream� or �douche�. Remember, I�m 12.
Anyhoo, today has been a low key day. We left Andrea�s around 9:00 and got the kids. Had sex, which was a project. Anytime I was ready to get off, we were interrupted by the fucking kids. Nothing can turn me off quicker than the sound of one of my kids voices. Hub was giving it all he had, and there I was on the verge and all of a sudden we�d hear, �Mommy!� or a knock at the door. Bastards. Like five fucking times. Pain in the ass.
I took the kids out with me to my first visit to Trader Joe�s , which was cool but would have been better without them. And then I find out today that there�s no school tomorrow for MLK day. Yey. Dandy. What a thrill.
Well, enough is enough. I have to go back to being all mommy and wifey and crap. Going to make supper and all that fun shit. My break is over. Dang.
Ciao!!!