�MOVE YOUR ASS!!! MOVE YOU FUCKING TWAT!!! MOVE, YOU RETARDED COCKSUCKER, MOVE!!!�
Dear Diaryland:
I missed you. It�s been 2 days and no update, but I did manage to make it here yesterday to get caught up with everyone else, anyway.
I�ve been very busy working this morning. I got a lot accomplished so far. Soon, the kids and I will embark on a trip to Town Hall to transfer ownership of the truck from our names to the business name. I just got done printing up a list of all of the business�s equipment that Hub and I made last night. (Which, I made a note for dland on it, cuz Hub seems to think that ANY number on a piece of equipment is the serial #) Yeah and I did a lot of estimates and crap like that, and this is all boring ass minutia that I will now cease.
It�s like my asshole kid knows that I�m updating. For the past three or so hours, while I have been busy working between here and the office (oh, why am I not working in the office totally? #1, printer needs ink that I haven�t bought yet and #2, the �new� computer does not have the capacity to fit Quickbooks on it. Fucking thrilling, let me tell ya), the boy has been an angel. The goddamned second I�m done, and I start writing this, he turns into instant ass. Instant ass, just add dland.
Anyway, busy weekend. Hub cleaned up the yard and it no longer looks as redneck-y. He sent the boys out to my dad�s to get our patio table and chairs (we stored it there for the winter, he has a humongous shed and lots of room on account of the fact that he is NOT a pack rat, like other people I�m related to), so that�s back and set up in the yard. Me happy about that.
It�s funny now to me that the boys can go riding around in a car without us. I think Butthead is a safe driver so I�m not terribly worried, although I admit I do worry a little. Mostly because of that spaz kid of mine, Beavis.
Funny story from yesterday. First, some background. In the movie, �Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle�, our favorite in the house right now, in one scene they�re at the toll booth and their change didn�t go through, so they�re stuck there and the guy in back of them, who if I didn�t know better I�d swear it was Chris Farley, starts yelling at them, �MOVE YOUR ASS!!! MOVE YOU FUCKING TWAT!!! MOVE, YOU RETARDED COCKSUCKER, MOVE!!!�. It�s hilarious, it just shows how totally fucking stupid road rage is, plus the guy yelling it kills me. Maybe it would be funnier if you saw it, so rent it if you haven�t okay?
Anyway, yesterday, on the way to my dad�s (which is like 45 minutes away from here), they got behind some slow Sunday driver. For miles. Beavis decided it would be funny to start yelling the lines from the toll booth scene in �Harold and Kumar�. So, the little bastard stuck his head out the window and yelled �MOVE YOUR ASS!!! MOVE YOU FUCKING TWAT!!! MOVE, YOU RETARDED COCKSUCKER, MOVE!!!� over and over again. For miles. (OHMYGOD! My kid swears! Cut the shit! Where the fuck did he learn to fucking swear?)
Thank God Hub heard the story first and had the good sense to tell Beavis that it�s kind of dangerous AND Butthead could probably get in big trouble for it. I am so glad Hub said that first because when I heard the story? I couldn�t stop laughing. I laughed so hard the little kids thought there was something wrong with me as I had tears running down my face and could hardly breathe. Every time I even think those phrases, I laugh. Writing this? I�m dying every time I look up and see those lovely words in caps. And that�s how I woke up the boys this morning, yelling downstairs: �MOVE YOUR ASS!!! MOVE YOU FUCKING TWAT!!! MOVE, YOU RETARDED COCKSUCKER, MOVE!!!�.
I�m going to hell, and I�m bringing my kids with me.
Anyway, in other exciting news, Beavis got the 1972 Bolens riding mower going this weekend. I figured out the video taking feature on my digi cam and caught some memorable moments on video. The first being when the rig was ready to run, and we figured out that Beavis had no gas to run it. Mini-meltdown for Beavis, caught on tape. Now it�s funny. The second moment was when he got it going (good thing Hub just happened to have gas for his mowers) and started to ride it around the yard.
I wish I had a way to share those videos on here, because they are funny. But I do have regular pics, and the following is my favorite, with it�s �riding off into the sunset� feel to it. Beavis, his buddy Marc and Mickey, enjoying the ride:
Look how cool they are, pulling the wagon along. Yesterday, they also hooked up the go-cart (which we have yet to get running, despite the purchase of an engine for it LAST FUCKING SUMMER) and pulled it around. Check out the properties for the pic name. I crack myself up.
The Bolens got one of the neighbors all wound up again. I�m going to have to write about this bitch, because she�s a thorn in my side. I�ll call her �Nancy� (when I was a kid, our bitchy pain in the ass neighbor�s name was Nancy). Nancy is about my age, maybe a few years younger. She is thin and really pretty. She lives with her husband and son, and in keeping with the ghetto in the woods tradition that we have going here, of course said husband is only step-dad to the kid. They live in the same duplex as Beavis�s partner in crime Cornholio, so Beavis is familiar with her. Her kid is about 9 and is as wide as he is tall. This kid has a serious weight problem and I do feel bad for the kid in that sense, but if he left the junk food and the PS2 for a little while everyday, maybe he wouldn�t be so fat. I�m just saying. He�s spoiled rotten, too.
Anyway, Nancy is like the ghetto watchdog. If the people next door, not on our little common driveway, dare to ride their motorbikes on the common driveway, she gets out there and makes them leave, which I think is ridiculous because they don�t tear up the driveway, and they stay away from it when it�s full of kids and geez they�re just having some fun, loosen the fuck up. Noise has to stop at 8:00 pm sharp, except BY FUCKING LAW here the time is 9:00 pm. So, the other night we got a phone call precisely at 8:00 pm asking to make him stop, which Hub did because he�s a big fan of doing shit just to shut people up (he does it to me all the time).
And by the way, we�ve lived here longer. For the record. We should have squatter�s rights. And she rents, not owns, btw.
Whatever. She�s starting early this year, and I think I know why. There was a lot of talk about her and Cornholio�s Uncle Scott (who is really, really cute despite being a jobless wonder) having an affair. Nancy�s husband was serving in Iraq last summer and Nancy and Uncle Scott spent a lot of time together. Anyway, Uncle Scott has since moved and so did Nancy�s booty call, I guess. Her husband (poor guy) is back from Iraq and I guess she has to fuck him again or something. So she�s all spun up. Pain in the ass. I�m glad she�s two houses over and not in the same building as us.
Anyway, sorry for boring you with stories about my retarded neighbors.
I�ve got to go to Town Hall and transfer that title. I think. I don�t know, I�ve got an hour and frickin� Minnie isn�t even dressed yet. It might not happen. Oh well.
Love,
Dukkha