Uno, dos, tres, quatorze....
I�m a nervous wreck today.
I have been off and on lately, I think I did write about my anxiety last week, and today I have been kind of a mess.
I think I rather prefer the freaking out, angry PMS shit to the nerves. My stomach feels like it�s turning inside out, I�m grinding my teeth and I�m like *this close* to biting my nails again. And I haven�t bitten my nails since I was 11.
The past almost week or so, when I get stoned, the anxiety just gets worse, my mind starts racing. WTF? I can�t even find escape in the pot anymore. How the fuck does that work?
What I really need is that prescription for cl0nipin. I suppose I could bum some off of Andrea but I hate to break into her supply. And I�m not asking Shelly for anything, because I�m just not going there anymore.
My head hurts.
It�s the business. It�s all brand new and no longer is there a paycheck coming in from an employer of our�s and I have so much to learn and it�s a huge change and I�m scared shitless it�s not going to work and we have like barely any money right now�.
Now take that last paragraph and just add onto it, so it equals a whole page, and set it up to loop so it starts all over again, and that�s what�s going on in my brain lately. Throw in shit to worry about regarding the kids and everything else, too, and I�m going bananas.
It�s weird too because I have no desire to speak of it to anyone around me, you know, except here.. I�m not acting all fucked up, maybe that�s more dangerous? Maybe it�ll start showing up when my teeth have been ground down to nothing. Call me �Gums�.
Ugh. This too shall pass. I hope. Worse case scenario, I get my 4 day mental health vacation.
Anyway. Now that it�s spring, the neighborhood kids are becoming a problem again. Yey. Being that I am one of, um, one stay at home mom�s on our little common driveway, I get to see more of the neighborhood kids than anyone else here. What a bunch of fucking asshole kids. Not like punk ass smart-mouthed, vandalizing kids, just generally rude and disrespectful kids. I think I probably bitched about them last summer and fall, but don�t remember for sure.
I�m telling ya, if my kids are going into other people�s yards and acting like these kids do? I�ll fucking kill them. I want to know why these kids think it�s okay to go into someone�s yard and do the following, all of which have happened here in the last week alone:
--Leave their trash right on the ground
--Pull stones out of a stone wall
--Jump on patio chairs
--Pick up other kid�s plastic bikes and throw them across the yard
--Squirt the house and other kids with a squirt gun not containing water, but sticky goo
--Rearrange yard furniture, move lawn chairs from the back yard to the front yard
--Take wood chips from the back corner of the yard, and throw them all over a just blown out lawn
--Climb on the fence and then jump and pull on it at the same time
--Play with the large umbrella over the patio table
That�s just in the last week. One time, last spring, Nancy�s fat ass kid dropped trou and started taking a piss right in my front yard! (Fortunately, he was spotted by Beavis, who took the opportunity to make an ass out of him right there and yelled, �HEY! STOP PEEING IN MY YARD!�).
I would love to be the house in the neighborhood that all the kids like to go to, but not this bunch of fucking assholes. Fuck that. I�ve decided I�m not going to go crazy about these kids this year, and if they disrespect my yard, they can leave. One kid I�ve already thrown out of the yard twice. Fuck it. I�m not responsible for these kids, so they can take their disrespecting, misbehaving ass home.
OMG, and their tattling? Don�t even want to hear it. Last week, two Devil�s Spawn (one was the kid-boy- I kicked out twice) were fucking around and the boy pulled and broke the girl�s necklace. She came up tattling to me, and I honestly did not give a crap, nor was I about to fucking do anything about it. Besides that I had four or five kids that I was responsible for to begin with, not even including the older boys. So I told her I really wasn�t going to get into it, if she had a problem go talk to his parents or her parents. Sorry. And then when they went back to fighting, I made them take it elsewhere.
I just can�t get over it. I hope my kids don�t do that to the neighbors when they�re over their houses. I gave them a big lecture about it yesterday too, all the things that you DO NOT DO when visiting other people�s houses. I just can�t believe that people have the nerve to send their kids out to play at other people�s houses and they can�t make sure they know basics like, �Don�t litter�. No, it�s more like, �Oh yeah kids, go play, and here�s a juice box and a bag of chips for you to take�. Never mind the �don�t litter� talk, how about �if you don�t have enough for everyone, don�t eat it in front of them� ?
Oh yeah, and then when you�re AT someone else�s house with your goodies, and the kid who�s house it is gets a snack, make sure to ask for some of what they�re having too, since you�re in the yard you automatically get some, right? Not at my house! They tried to bamboozle me last summer, when Minnie would announce she was hungry and not only would she and Mickey be at the door for a snack, but three or four neighborhood kids too. No. Sorry. If it was once in a blue moon? Maybe. Not if they�re over every fucking day. Sorry, go home. Bye. That can get expensive real fast. (I know it should be �really quickly�, but I felt the need to be grammatically incorrect).
I could go on forever, I suppose. But I won�t. Writing this is making me all the more aware that the kids will be home from school on about 45 minutes. Whoopee fucking doo.
My head still hurts.
Adios.