Warning: Misery included.

(Be forewarned: this entry is pissing and moaning, so if you don�t wish to read pissing and moaning, feel free to click that red X up there).

Honestly? I don�t know how much longer I can do this. What do I mean by this? Everything.

I�m fairly certain that the stomach thing yesterday was pure stress. My head, too, a little, although I know I have allergies now. Fucking yippee. I never had allergies before and I was so proud of that, but they�re right when they say you can just start having them.

Yesterday with the kids sucked. They were difficult as all hell. My kids were their usual bastard selves but the other kids that I take care of? Where do I start? Should I start with the game of �Truth or dare� (yeah, we�re talking kids who are 6, 4 and 3, isn�t that LOVELY?!? I can thank asshole neighborhood kids for hooking Minnie up with that game) that resulted in Bobby, the 6 year old devil�s spawn, telling The �I want� Kid, a 3 year old girl, to pull down her pants, which she did? Or is that shining example of my day enough? Yeah, probably.

The good thing about it was that I have banished all the shitty neighborhood kids from my yard, so at least I didn�t have to deal with them. That is an incredibly liberating feeling, to just be rid of kids who are fucking annoying and whom I have no obligation to deal with. See ya, fuckers! The Neighborhood Babysitter has resigned. Find another one.

I�m awful, I know. But, I�ve had a Peter Gibson moment. I don�t fucking care anymore.

My husband? Let�s put it this way. Being a single mom, working full time for someone else, paying daycare, living in a small, inner-city apartment and getting fucking food stamps is starting to look like a better deal every day. And I know how rough it is, I�ve done it before, and it still looks better than the shit I have to deal with with him.

Beavis? Seriously, needs to die. I am so sick of his crises and his problems that have to become my problems. Ie; when he was getting the Bolens together, and now it�s the gas-powered scooter. Which we got for free from someone Hub knows who�s rich and they give their kid all kinds of expensive toys and he ruins them. So Hub takes it thinking he�ll fix it, which like everything else he needs to do around here doesn�t get done, so Beavis is fixing it and he needs $55 in parts like YESTERDAY. This is the scooter that he didn�t even think about since last summer. He is such a fucking pain in the ass. I�m so glad he�s not going to be around much this weekend.

I�m just not well. Not at all. I�m so sick of everything. I woke up this morning and couldn�t move for an hour after my shower. Just sat there and cried. If it weren�t for my kids, I�d still be there now.

And it�s another Daisy weekend. Which means The Douchebag will be calling here left and right to get her info from Daisy about what she�s been doing and who�s home and who�s been over visiting. Think I�m kidding? It also means I�m not going too far as long as I have all the kids because Daisy is cannot fucking behave and is in serious fucking need of Ritalin.

Okay, I cannot fucking stand the new Oasis song. And I like them. This one sounds like an old Stones tune. The new Garbage song is cool though, but as far as I�m concerned there�s a band who can�t do anything wrong. Shirley Manson is the shit. So nice to hear from them again.

Well, I�m feeling a little better now. I just checked my bank account. We have a CD secured loan that we took out last year, and I just did the numbers and if I pay off the loan with the CD, I�ll get $1600 back, even after paying the penalties. I need the cash badly, and it will eliminate a loan payment, which is cool. Then I can pay this motherfucking insurance bill that more than doubled when Butthead started driving, and have money to like, live and shit. And, AND, as shady as this may sound, I will be putting it in my savings, which Hub is not on for the sole purpose of hiding cash from The Douchebag, and he will not have access to it, nor will I tell him about it. Because if he knows we have money, he�ll want to spend it on his truck or equipment, but he just spent $3300 on a dump trailer that we really didn�t have money for and it really put us in a sticky situation, as usual. So fuck him. I�m just trying to keep a roof over our head and bills paid and most importantly, fucking food in the house.

Supposedly, we are getting almost $4000 back from the IRS (the best part of having a shitload of kids. We claimed 5 of them this year), which he supposedly says can go all to the house. Mark my words, he will find a need for at least half of that money. I�m thinking we can pay the accountant, his lawyer, and our trip to Aruba with it, but I�m not getting attached to the idea. He�ll find a way to fuck it up.

I�m so glad I spent like $1500 on clothes last year when we had the money. I�m set for summer and spring. And they all still fit because I am keeping the weight off which is really something to be proud of. And I might even lose weight this week because the thought of eating a meal lately just makes my stomach turn. And drinking a bunch of beer which makes my head hurt worse.

But OMG, these allergies have me taking Benadryl, which is good shit, man. First, they make my head fell better, and they also pack a killer buzz. I don�t think I�ve ever taken antihistamines before, so it�s a new experience.

Well, at least I�m not feeling as crappity as I was when I started writing. I have like 5 hours before Beavis comes home, and who knows when the fuck Hub is coming home, so I�m going to enjoy my peace and quiet. I only have Andrea�s kids today which is cool considering their my favorites and the most like my kids. Her little boy just turned one last month and is the cutest little shit ever. I take tons of pics of him just because he has such a perfect picture face. I guess I�ll do some work for the business which I wasn�t going to earlier but I�ll just do it until I find something else that Hub�s done to piss me off.

Anyway. Have a ducky weekend. Speaking of ducks, go read Dawn�s entry from yesterday . Make sure to click the links too. Ducks are nasty, vile, rotten little creatures to each other. Duck rape, and humungous duck penises�and it�s all true! Gives new meaning to the phrase �Fuck a duck�.

So. There you go.

Ciao!

Listening to: "We gotta find another paw print, cuz that's the next clue, blah blah blah...we can do anything that you wanna do!"

Currently reading: "Speaking in Tongues" Jeffery Deaver

Thinking about: Kaka.