"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. Things are going to start happening to me now."
For the record, let it be known that I now officially hate my cell phone, in addition to my hatred of the land line phone. The cell phone, it seems to ring at the most inopportune times. Like, when I�m at the credit union. Or, driving through a thunderstorm. Or in the water at Robinson Pond. Or when I just plain don�t want to talk to anybody.
Now, the landline phone, I�m sure now that someone (probably Xenu, the galactic ruler) has implanted a chip under my toilet seat that recognizes my ass only, and once my ass sits on the seat, it prompts people to call my house. It sounds crazy (just like the story of Xenu, which is absolutely insane, and you too can learn it with a simple google search and it won�t cost you $200,000 like it did Tom Cruise), but I�m telling you, it�s true! I also think the chip is sensitive to exactly HOW badly I need to pee or if I am going to defecate (wow. Poop sounds way better than defecate, doesn�t it?).
Just thought I�d put that down. I think the only way to keep the phone from ringing, aside from turning the damn things off, is to not go to the bathroom or anywhere, for that matter. And maybe change my number on Hub, who is the worst offender ever.
Anyway. We went to see Beavis at Boy Scout camp last night. In the rain, yey! Boy Scouts do not believe in rain dates, just so you know. I ended up with only Minnie and Mickey, as Hub picked up Daisy and took her out to eat. That was nice, because my two were hyped-up enough without throwing Daisy into the mix.
Beavis is having a blast. Evidently, his troop has been very hyper and mischievous and has the rest of the campers hating them. And they love it. Some of the older kids thought up a great idea the other night to go through the entire camp and put signs with their troop�s number on it EVERYWHERE. So they worked in shifts overnight. Beavis had the 1:00 am shift. Every tent, every campsite, everything in sight was plastered with �Troop 20� signs. Fucking hilarious. I guess the leaders got some shit about it the next day, but they�re cool with it.
Yesterday, Beavis said they were going over some instructions for the whole camp, and some kid from another troop got on the loudspeaker and said, �Uh�what? I�m from Hudson, NH and I hit my head on a rock�. Troop 20 then began cheering like crazy.
And to think Beavis wants to give all this up. Silly Beavis.
One of the older kids in the troop, Mike, however, has been a total dink, I guess. Pulling rank. Anyway, he�s making Beavis and his buddy to all the grunt work, because they are the youngest in the �big kid� side of their campsite. Yesterday Beavis either didn�t know that he was supposed to clean out the Adirondack or he just didn�t do it, but Mike came up and started giving him a rash of shit. He said, �You are making me so angry!�. Beavis replied with this classic line: �You�re a dick�. For one, I can�t believe he had the balls to say that, but for two? The kid shut up and left him alone for the rest of the day.
Anyway, my dad met us up there, which was nice. I didn�t think he�d show, especially since it was thundering and lightning just before, and raining for much of the time we were there. But, he loves that Boy Scout shit.
I told him about Ned and why, and of course he told me that Ned did it to himself and didn�t blame me at all. But. I still feel like shit about it. I can�t help it. And when he goes back to jail? I�ll blame myself for that too. But that�s me. And I know better!
Oh! And there was this guy there last night. Not one of the Boy Scouts, mind you, but I think a Boy Scout�s older bro. Holy shit, he was sweet. I could not take my eyes off of him. He was about six feet tall, with reddish blonde hair (okay, strawberry blonde, but that�s kinda femmy sounding for a guy, dontcha think?) and brown eyes. I love the red hair/brown eye combination. And dressed in a brown Quiksilver tee and jeans that fit oh so nice�he was fucking hot, yo. DAAAAAAAYUMMMM! I was like drooling, I�m telling you, and I�m sure he noticed me checking him out. I toyed with the idea of sneaking a pic but didn�t have the balls. Besides? I think he was like 17. *Maybe* 18, but I doubt it. To be 17 again. Sigh.
Yeah so have I mentioned that I�m getting fat? Oh yeah. I mean, my clothes still fit, comfortably, I�ll add, but I�m getting a spare tire and that no make me happy. I haven�t weighed in since June 29. And I�ve been eating like a pig. I must stop now while my clothes still fit! Next week I am going to Weight Watchers and working on this, dammit!
It doesn�t help that when Hub took Daisy out for dinner? They went for Chinese. And he got a Pu-pu for two, an order of pork fried rice and an extra order of wings. Yuh. I don�t know if I�ve mentioned this, but Daisy is teeny. She�s seven and is the same size as Mickey, who won�t be 5 until next month. She eats like a bird. She probably ate a tablespoon of rice and a chicken finger. Maybe part of a wing too. So, needles to say, I came home to a huge bag full of leftover Chinese food. I asked Hub, WTF? And he said, �I figured you�d eat it�. I grabbed my big disgusting flab and said, �Do I look like I need to eat that?!?�. Sheesh. Of course, I ate some. But I gave the rest to Minnie and Mickey for lunch.
Sometimes I think he�d like it if I got fat again.
Okay, I need to wrap this up now. So much time and so little to do!!!
Adios!
Oh? My title today? Every year of my life since I saw that movie in 1980, I have said those words when the new phone book shows up. Every time. I'm wacked, I know.
Listening to: Commercials! Yey! Currently reading: "My Life" Bill Clinton Thinking about: What to do with the kids this afternoon.