And then I'm gonna come back there and put my foot in your ass if you say "and then" again!
Note to self: STOP DRINKING. NOW.
Because drinking is putting you into all these insane situations.
For example. Saturday night, which started out as Andrea�s impromptu Bachelorette Party. (Her Maid of Honor failed her in planning one, and didn�t tell her there wouldn�t be one until Thursday. Andrea�s getting married this Saturday). We went out to this brand new place in town, an Irish pub deal called The Peddler�s Daughter. I was excited about this place opening, but I learned it�s just another trendy shi-shi-foo-foo yuppie hangout like almost every other new place downtown, but that�s neither here nor there.
After that, we headed up to the great Chinese dive lounge, the Haluwa. AKA Scorpion Bowl Heaven. AVOID The Scorpion Bowl for two and stay the fuck away from that little shot of 151 in the middle at all costs!
Because what happened after two Scorpion Bowls for two? Interestingly enough, my sister in law Tara showed up with her pal, Helen, aka Esther, formerly known as The Douchebag. Which was not a surprise, I know that they hang out there on occasion.
Allow me to digress, as I am known to do. There were five of us who went out Saturday night. Andrea, myself, this girl Mel, Andrea�s cousin Sara and Sara�s friend Holly, who is only 19 years old. We knew this might be an issue, but went with it anyway. I don�t know the rules about who can get into bars at 18 or where because the last time I had to worry about an underage drinker at the bars, I was the underage drinker.
So, no problem at the Peddler�s Daughter, since we were having dinner there. Mel decided we should go to the Haluwa and I was all over it because after three Budweiser E�s (icky, icky yucky beer that made me feel like I�d taken the brown acid at Woodstock) and three Michelob Ultras, I was all about a Scorpion Bowl. We decided to chance it with Holly at the Haluwa.
Oh yeah, ID�ed right at the front door. Sara and Holly said no problem, we�ll go next door to Denny�s for coffee. The three of us felt bad, but we wanted to go into the Haluwa! Holly felt equally like a jerk, even though she had no reason to. Like I said, I was the underage one many times in my yout. (�The two what?�, �The two youts�, �Um, WHAT is a yout?�). I even shared my story about the time when I lived in Jamestown and I found an ID in my college�s student union and went out that night with it, until we went to the bar where the girl who�s ID it was worked. I think I�ve told that story here before. Yeah. That was an interesting night.
Anyway, so we stayed at the Haluwa and Mel and I shared two Scorpion Bowls for two, and Andrea wasted her money on a Strawberry Daiquiri that she didn�t drink because it was too strong. Because the drinks are always strong at the Chinese restaurants. Then Tara and Helen came in, but didn�t see me right away. I saw them, because I�m like that. But I decided I was not buzzed enough to say hi to them right then.
Andrea explained to Mel that it was my husband�s sister and ex-wife. Well, right there you�d think it�d be a wicked uncomfortable situation, except that Helen and I have been getting along really well for the past few months. I mean, I offered the olive branch last summer and things were less tense between us, but I think the drunken Jager call that I made to her in June when the child support thing came up made things more personal.
So. After our drinky-poos, it was time to leave so I went to say hey and bye to Tara and Helen. Imagine their surprise when they saw me. Tara was ecstatic. So, I said we were about to leave, and Tara was not letting that happen! �I�ll call Alicia and have her bring us all home!� Alicia is her daughter, the 18 year old with 2 kids. But hey, anyone that�s willing to get out at 2 am and drag my drunk ass home? Is my best friend.
So I stayed. Two more Scorpion Bowls (but these were for one. No more 151 for me! Uh-uh!) and some majorly drunken conversations with Tara and Helen. Jackie + Hard Liquor = Diarrhea of the Mouth. Yeah, I may have said too much. But, what can I do about it now? Nada. Just move the fuck on. There weren�t any fights, so I guess it went okay.
OMG, I even danced with them. How insane is that?
Lesson learned: Just because she�s your man�s ex and he hates her, doesn�t mean she�s necessarily a bad person. Fuck it, you might even like her. Now I wish I�d known this shit five years ago.
I think I even apologized for my role in the Daisy custody battle shit. Because really, I�d give anything to go back and do it differently. Not that I can or anything.
Helen was sitting with an old friend of her�s, a guy, and we were chit chatting and he started asking me about myself, and I said, �Do you know how Helen and I know each other?� and he said no, so Helen told him and you should have seen his face! Too funny. Weirder things have happened.
Anyway, yesterday, surprisingly, there was no hangover. I was a bit slow, but no headache or puking. But really, I�m taking a break from drinking. I haven�t gone more than two or three days without drinking in months. It�s time to chill. I can see where it�s progressed from light drinking to problem drinking and I just can�t keep doing it. I mean, technically I can, but I need to stop.
We�ll see how long it lasts. At this point, I�m considering staying sober at the wedding, even. Me? Sober at a wedding? Yah.
Anyway, in other news, the kids are ready for school. Haircuts and all. I got Minnie a bunch of cute stuff at Bob�s Stores this weekend for relatively cheap. Now, her pants say l.e.I. and Mudd instead of Faded Glory. Not that she understands the difference. Except with the shoes. She specifically requested sneakers that said Sketchers (excuse my spelling if it�s wrong). So she got them. This afternoon we go to meet her teacher and see her classroom.
We had to go to Supercuts for haircuts. Cheryl, my girlfriend who does our hair, had to leave town until Thursday because her husband Lou�s mom died. Yeah. Guess where their families live? New Orleans. Yeah. There�s a shitty situation. Your mom dies, you go down for the funeral and all, and oh guess what! Huge hurricane on the way. I�ve been checking the news every once in a while for updates. God help them all.
Okay, I�ve got to go. Lunch and all. Hopefully next time I�ll remember to update on Butthead, who is in a world of shit right now. Little bastard. There�s one who I�m counting down the days until his know it all ass is 18. And for once, Hub hates him more than I do.
Stay tuned. Ciao!