"It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth"
Okay, so the biggest joke going around my house is that Butthead is �grounded�. The reason why it�s a joke is because, he�s been grounded since last Friday for getting an F in English, but he�s been out every night since then.
Let�s see�when the school year started, Hub told him that any F�s on his report card would result in Hub taking the license plates off of his car for a period of time. Of course, that changed when he whined to Hub that �you�ll have to take me to school, and work and pick me up form wrestling� yadda yadda yadda. (The school thing, btw, is bullshit, because his dumbass can ride the fucking bus). So, Hub really put his foot down (sarcasm, in case you can�t smell it) and said that he has until the end of the semester to bring the grade up or THEN he�ll take the plates.
Yeah fucking right.
So, Instead he grounded him for two weeks. So, Saturday, he �needed� to go to the mall, and Hub let him go. Sunday he worked all day, so skip that day, he didn�t go anywhere but work. Monday, he needed to go work on his health project with his partner, who just so happens to be his girlfriend�s little brother. Come on. Tuesday, same thing. Wednesday, he had to go give his girlfriend a jump start. Puh-leeze. Last night, more work on the supposed project. Oh, and? He left his pants at school with his wallet in it after wrestling practice. And? After two hours of working on this project, he called and said he needed �more time to finish�.
It�s all bullshit. Hub, of course, falls for all of Butthead�s lame ass excuses. Like, the project. It takes that many hours to do up a pamphlet on alcohol information? Maybe if you�re retarded, which Butthead certainly is, but not that bad. And the jump start? Cut the shit. Jen has an older brother, a father and a mom, and they all have vehicles. So cut the shit.
The kicker on that one? According to Beavis, they broke up earlier this week. (I have no scoopage on the teen drama, or I�d hook you all up. When I find out, I�ll let you know).
Anyway, the kid tried to ask me for permission to go out, and I refer him to his father. He �grounded� him, he can deal with it. I don�t want no part of it. Like last night. He came up to me, not knowing that hub was home upstairs in the bedroom, and said the line about the pants.
I chuckled and said, �How convenient�. The retard said, �What do you mean, how convenient?�, to which I replied, �I meant, how convenient�. Did I stutter? Then I said, �Don�t ask me, go ask your father. I�m out of this�. Because I am not going to frustrate myself on disciplining the kid when his father clearly has no intention on following through. Don�t fucking even bother me with the dumb excuses, I know they�re all crap.
Taking this approach has brought peace into my life as far as Butthead is concerned, and I do not hate him as much as I did a month ago when I determined that I was a bad person because I didn�t like him.
Oh! When he did ask Hub, at first Hub said no about the project. Then the excuses started, �Okay, well when I fail health, it�ll be your fault!�. Oh shut the fuck up.
Hub hates that I think he�s full of shit. Of course, Hub is the excuse master, so he has sympathy for them. I do not. He said to me last night, �You think everyone�s a liar�. Actually, that�s not true. I said, �I don�t think everyone is a liar. I think Hilda and Butthead are liars�. Because, um, they ARE, and I have friggin� concrete proof. He won�t deny that Hilda�s a liar, but I think he�s holding out for hope on Butthead. Whatever. (He tried to say that Beavis lies and I said, �About what?�. Didn�t get an answer on that one. Because I raised him not to be, is why. He�s not perfect, but he�s not full of shit, either).
Yeah, so, this morning I happened to mention to Hub that I need to go out this weekend and get Mickey and Minnie coats and hats and boots, because it�s cold and I saw on the Weather Channel that the Great Lakes area has already gotten a foot of snow and we are heading right for there next week. And I said, Hilda�s gonna have to deal with it, because if she hasn�t gotten her jacket yet, which her dumbass mother was supposed to so last week, I�m not buying her one. I can�t afford to get them for the kids as it is. And Hilda thinks if someone else is getting something, she should get something of equal value just on account of the fact that she�s there.
So, I�m saying this to Hub and he said, �Well, if her mother has the money to open a grooming shop, she can buy Hilda a jacket�. I said, �Shauna�s opening a grooming shop, who did you hear this from?�. He said, �Who do you think, I don�t talk to her?�. I said, �Did you hear from Hilda or Butthead? Because if you heard from Butthead then it�s likely got a grain of truth, but if you heard from Hilda it�s a crock of shit�. Yup, he heard It from Hilda. And just like the story she told us from back in the spring when supposedly Shauna and her husband were getting divorced, it�s a fucking lie.
Hub said, �Yeah, the only thing Shauna gets up for is a twinkie�. Hee hee.
She does look 100% worse than she did when I first met her five years ago. She was actually kind of attractive then in a skanky kind of way. Now? Well, how does this sound? One day a few weeks ago, Dick ended up coming with me to drop off Hilda (long ass story on how that happened, but it�s minutia, let�s skip that). Shauna was out front when we got there and I told Dick that was Hub�s first wife, and Dick�s reply was, �Wow, she hit every branch on the way down, huh?�. She sure did. Take a woman that�s kind of attractive in a skanky way, rot the teeth out, add about 75 lbs and five years, and a bad haircut and you have instant fuglieness. I wish I had a picture for you people, I really do.
Did I mention how she cancelled all of Hilda�s counseling appointments because they were like , building a repore? I think I did. I�m still irritated with that a little, but whatever. Helen had asked about how Hilda�s counseling was going and I told her how Shauna had cancelled it and she said, �She�s got something to hide�. Yup. She sure does. And Helen would know, she�s known Shauna a lot longer than I have.
This is why, I should get friendlier with her. Then I could see for myself. I mean, I wouldn�t be friendly with her on account of the fact that I LIKE her or anything.
Anyway. Now, let�s give me the Dumbass of the Month award. Yesterday I did laundry. Lately, at night, when I get undressed, I�ve been leaving crap in my pockets, like money, shopping lists, lighters. I�m lazy, I guess. At least it�s not pens. Anyway. The day before, I�d gone next door to smoke and had left a baggy with a little bit of pot in my pocket. Yup, I washed it. I found the baggy in the dryer and was like what the hell is this? Then I found a huge stem sticking out of the side of the dryer door. Nice. Just now? I found a teeny bud on the bathroom floor. Grand! At least it was next to the basket that held Hub�s dirty nasty �I�ve been doing fall clean ups in the rain� clothes, and just looked like a piece of crap from that.
And, no, I�m not going to smoke it. I learned that lesson years ago when I did it. Smoking soapy buds is nasty.
Okay, folks, I have to go. Four more days and I am off for the land of snow! Yay!
Peace out, yo.