"Just do it or I'll light my hair on fire and start punching myself in the face! "

So, yeah, I watched �Spanglish�. I liked it a lot, too. Cute movie. All through it, in the back of my head, I was trying to figure who played Flor, the Mexican housekeeper. Penelope Cruz or Salma Hayek? Bouncing back and forth between the two, and pressing the �info� button to read basic info about it and it only listed Adam Sandler and Tea Leone as actors, and then when the credits ran, I missed it. So yesterday, when going to grab a quote from it on IMDB , I see that the actress was neither Penelope or Salma. It was Paz Vega . The back of my head is so stupid sometimes. But really, she does look a lot like Salma. And she�s absolutely beautiful, too.

Yeah, useless information. I thrive on it.

I watched a repeat of �Mind Over Mencia� on Comedy Central last night. Carlos Mencia has been In my head, people, I swear. He Is too funny, I love how he just tells things like it is and isn�t as much insulting people as much as he is just stating the truth. He was doing a spoof of a kid�s show (Barney), taking calls from kids with questions, while dressed as some kind of furry dinosaur. One kid called and said he thinks he might be gay. Mencia breaks out in song, to the tune of �If you�re happy and you know clap your hands�, except this one goes, �If you think you might be gay, then you�re gay�. I died laughing, because It was funny and, well, true! Hello! (Speaking of gay, my pretend gay daddy is getting married tomorrow!).

Then he did a man on the street piece where he was out at 11:00 in the morning, trying to figure out why there were so many people out, doesn�t anybody work? I think that to myself ALL THE TIME when I�m out during the day.

The fact that he found an unemployed Asian chick and gave her a t-shirt that said, �I AM THE WORLD�S ONLY UNEMPLOYED ASIAN� is fucking hilarious, man. He went to an intersection where on one corner, there�s a Mexican selling oranges on one corner, a black guy selling roses on another corner, and a white guy with a sign begging on another. Of course, he gave the white guy a ton of shit.

I think I want to marry that beaner Mencia. He is my prince.

Nina came home yesterday with the baby. He�s fucking cute as all hell and the quietest baby I�ve ever seen. Nina says all of her babies were like this. I wanted to say, �Well, with all the pot smoking and perc popping you did while you were pregnant, I can see why�, but I bit my tongue because I thought it would be in poor taste. Although it would be merely stating a fact. But anyway. Yeah, me, Ms. Big Talker �I�m all set with fucking babies, fuck that shit, eating/shitty/crying machines, blah blah blase bullshit�, is all �Oh he�s so cute! I could watch him for like an hour or so if she asked� in my head. Don�t read anymore into it than that. He�s just really friggin� cute.

Jay was all, �I can make beautiful babies, can�t I?� and I agreed, cuz his kids are cute, especially Josh, while I can�t stand the kid half the time, he is really CUTE. Anyway, my response to Jay�s statement? After agreeing, I noted that �the ability to produce a beautiful baby fails to impress me anymore�. It is so damn much fun to bust his balls.

So, yeah, we cruised over there for a few to see the baby last night and then I headed out to start my Christmas shopping. One trip and BAM, the three little kids are all set aside from stocking stuffers. This morning, I put a big dent In the big kids, too. Tomorrow, I hit Eastern Boarder , where I will surely look like an idiot as I know nothing about snowboards or skateboards, to grab the boys some shit. And then, stocking stuffers and something for my dad and I am DONE!

The thing I am most excited about is what I got for Minnie. Ya know when you find the perfect gift for someone, that they didn�t ask for but you know they will LOVE it? That�s what I found. Minnie asked for this �Bella Dancerella� thing. Little ballet dance thing, with a mat and a �ballet barre� (which I keep pronouncing it �barr-ey� instead of �bar�, just to keep up with the moron that resides in the back of my head). She asked for it last year too, but I never found it. I found it last night and picked it up. And then! I went to WallyWorld and found that they sell leotards and ballet slippers in the girl�s department. For cheap! So for a whopping $22, I got her a cute little leotard/tu-tu thing, ballet slippers and tights. She is going to shit when she sees that, along with Bella Dancerella! I am so excited about it.

Anyway, excitement, excitement. I saved the latest step kid drama for last.

I came home today to a message on the machine from Shauna (Butthead and Hilda�s mom), saying that Hub needs to call her as soon as he got the message, �It�s very important�. Well, curiosity was killing this cat right here while I waited for hours for Hub to get home and call her and find out what kind of shit Hilda got herself into now. Cuz of course, he *forgot* his cell at home. I was speculating a whole bunch, and it turns out, one of my assumptions was correct.

Remember I got this from Hub, who has a problem with details. I also got the story backwards from him but I managed to get a somewhat coherent version.

I guess little Miss Poor Me was skipping class in the bathroom at school (first mistake right there. When skipping school or class, get the fuck off of school grounds. Duh!) and got caught. I don�t know how that went to searching her purse, but they found a razor in it (which, Hub said �razor blades� at first, so I was thinking she�s a cutter or using it to cut up drugs or something, but, no, just her razor that she "forgot" was in there--anyway, evidently the school considers that a weapon), a lighter, a condom (WHY is that bad? Shauna threw a fit about the condom. WTF! She�d rather the girl get pregnant? I don�t get it) and a bag of pills. I don�t know how many, it could be one, it could be a million for all I know. Whatever, they were pink five sided pentagon shaped pills. Hub asked me what that was and I�d never heard of such a thing, so I said, �Sounds like candy�.

First, I called Nina to find out if such a pill exists. She�s heard of them AND seen them, but couldn�t remember what they were. So, I did a google image search for pentagon pills and found it is most likely ecstasy.

Whoa! I hate when the kids can find drugs that I either can�t get or don't know what it is. It�s just irritating and it shows my age.

Anyway, yeah, so of course the lying little shitbag says, �I was holding them for a friend�. YAH! Sure. That line is right up there with �The dog ate my homework� and �You Can�t get pregnant from doing it just once� on the bullshit scale. Even coming from a kid that isn�t challenged when it comes to telling the truth.

I feel bad for her and I don�t. There�s a reason why she�s so fucked up, and It�s not just her mother like Hub says. He�s got just as much to do with it and while he will take responsibility for the fact that she�s a mess, he doesn�t see exactly where his responsibility is. He thinks is was because of his last marriage and shit. But here Is a girl who is desperate for love and attention and will do anything for it. I knew a girl like that when I was younger, and she was me. Only somewhat less pathetic. I don�t feel bad for her because of her lying and stealing and shit. And also? I don�t feel bad for her because that�s what she wants. It�s a manipulative ploy and she knows what she�s doing.

I�m staying out of it. Hub�s solution is to threaten to beat her up. Yeah, that works. I, for one, am not surprised at all and there�s nothing she can do In the next four years that will surprise me. Well, there are a few things she could do to surprise me, and I�ll eat crow if she does any of these; graduate high school, go to college for more than three weeks, make it to 18 without pumping out a kid, and any kind of serial killing and/or cannibalistic activities. That�s all she could do to shock me. Do drugs? Get pregnant? Get an STD? Drop out of school? Get arrested? Try to commit suicide? I fully expect those things.

And of course it�s sad! As much as I trash the girl, it is sad. I hate to be wishing that kind of stuff on anyone, but that�s the road she�s on. Her mother can�t see the forest for the trees and won�t do anything about it. She sabotages Hub�s efforts to help her (ie; canceling her counseling), and Hilda even point blank told Hub tonight, �I don�t want your help� (to which I say, oh really! So I can return your Christmas present and give you nothing? I could really use the $90). And I�m powerless. It�s just a train wreck to me, I�m just watching, taking pictures, blogging about it, not much else for me to do. Except maybe learn from their mistakes and make sure my kids don�t end up like that.

She pissed me off when she dragged Beavis into it. Beavis has a bunch of condoms in his room (because I don�t have a problem with them) and the last time Hilda was here, she grabbed some. Just grabbed them, didn�t ask, and Beavis was like, �Whatever, take them if it means that much to you�. Well, Shauna had to know where she got the fucking things and Hilda said �Beavis gave them to me�. No, you TOOK them. Bitch. Fucking drag Beavis into it. And hello! Shauna had to know where the friggin� rubbers came from but wasn�t so interested in where the pills came from? Is it just me, or does anyone else see the ridiculousness of that?

Butthead just came home. You know I told him. He�s all, �If she�s doing ecstasy, she�s fucked!�. I can hear him downstairs talking with Beavis about it. They�re all wondering how the hell she went from getting caught skipping class to getting her purse searched.

Oh, Hub�s all lonely upstairs. Oh well! But really, I have to go.

TTFN!

Listening to: Absolute silence. It's so prettyful.

Currently reading: "Guilty As Sin" Tami Hoag

Thinking about: I gotta pee.