"I don't hate the truth. It's facts I'm not a fan of."

So far, today has been just dandy.

Let�s see�it started this AM with my daily trip down to the bus stop as the only parent who ever fucking goes. Well, maybe three or four times since September, the Hot Karls (which, they�re MOVING this weekend! Bye-bye!) joined us, but that�s it.

As I walked down my driveway, Jimmy slipped on the ice (which, due to the rain, was covered with water and very, very slippy) and hurt himself pretty good. He went back home crying like a little girl.

Then, I get down tot the bust stop. Basically, I go down there to ensure that certain children don�t put their hands on my daughter. I also try to keep those little motherfuckers out of the trash because I can�t tell you how many fucking times they�ve drug shit up from the trash and it�s been on my front lawn. That, and it�s gross.

Other than that, I ignore all the kids except my own. I do not give a flying fuck if they run into the road, because they are all old enough to understand that you can get hit by a car. I tried to keep them out of the road, but decided , ya know what? Not my fucking problem. I�m not the bus stop monitor. If the parents gave a flying fuck, they�d be down there watching their little peckerheads.

So. There was this puddle, a nice deep one, probably two inches deep, covering a nice, slick bunch of ice.

My nephew Jaegan? Just so you know, that kid irritates the shit out of me. The shrieking, the hyperactivity, the general lack of common sense for an 8 year old, etc, etc. Also? I don�t like the way he �tells� grown ups what to do. For example, if I have my camera out, he�ll demand, �Take a picture of me!�. If we leave his house, he�ll say, �I�m going with you!�. What happened to ASKING? As much as I ignore this shit and don�t respond to it, he keeps doing it.

Anyway, so annoying fucker Jaegan decides he�s going to play in the icy puddle. I said, matter of factly, �You�re just asking to fall in that puddle. And when you do? I�m going to laugh�.

Of course, this becomes somewhat of a challenge for the little asshat, and I stood there watching him play and shriek and I prayed to the gods that the boy would fall.

I know, that�s evil. Oh well. don�t tell me you�ve never secretly wished a little fucker gets what�s coming to him. Maybe not all of you, but I know some of you are nodding right now!

So. Then, Evil Little Eric, goes jumping over to the puddle, and him and Jaegan fall right in.

Just so you know, Evil Little Eric was not in my prayer. (I�m using a new strategy on him, what I call ��The Chris Brown Approach�. Chris is my friends� Robert and Rhonda�s oldest boy. When he was a kid, he was a terror. I kicked him out of my yard all the time, most notably the time he and his cousin came into my yard, which was full of kids under 4, saying �suck my dick!�. They were 10. Anyway, when I got friendlier with Robert and Rhonda, I decided to see how Chris behaved around me if I showed him some respect. I started saying hi to him when I saw him and was just respectful to him. It worked. I never had a problem with him since, and I think when he got to be an older teen, he had kind of a crush on me. But I digress).

So, ELE went up to his house cuz he was soaked. Jaegan, on the other hand , acted like it was no problem. He said, �My jacket barely got wet�. I said, �Yeah, well, you�re going to take that off when you get to school. You have to sit in those pants all morning�.

But, just to be a little dickhead, he went back to play in the puddle. Whatever.

The best part of the whole daily bus stop thing is when the bus comes. I always smile and wave to the bus driver as if to say, �Thank you, Bus Driver! Thank you!�.

So, that over with, I came back to the homestead. Goody! Hub�s home. And, you know, he can�t think of a single thing to do but fucking mope. Moped on the computer (hence no morning update from me), moped at the kitchen table, moped upstairs watching TV. Mope, mope, mope.

And, then Butthead, who is off school today due to mid-term scheduling shit. He came upstairs with his hands down his pants. This is what he does, he wanders around the kitchen with his hands in his pants. I know he�s not frickin� beating off, but still, I don�t like it around the kids. Especially if I have other people�s kids here, but even when not. I have enough of a hard time telling Mickey to get his hands out of his pants, and then we have his hero, Butthead, walking around doing just that.

I asked him for the 90th time, PLEASE don�t do that with the kids around. Know what he said?

�It�s a habit�.

So I said, �So�s cocaine, and I wouldn�t want you doing that around the kids, either�.

Then I had Josh over for a while to play with Mickey. Same deal as Jaegan, except replace the shriek with a constant whine. And he tries to demand shit, too. He was just irritating.

Colin came and was crying as they showed up. Goody.

Then Butthead, just as I thought I had a moment of privacy to start writing here, comes into the living room and takes a seat to watch tv. It was fucking Dora The Explorer. Okay, he�s 17, and has a TV with cable in his room. And he wants to watch Dora with the kids? WTF.

I�m just irritated with everything. At least we didn�t lose power . It flickered a bit, but we never lost it.

And I�ve decided once and for all, that I hate *most* kids that aren�t my own, and sometimes I hate them too. I say *most*, because there are some kids out there that I genuinely like ( I�ll admit, once they start hitting 11 or so, I get much less irritated with them). But for the most part, the little fuckers suck. And I�m not ashamed to admit it openly. At least I won�t be getting all kinds of babysitting requests.

Speaking of which. Nina and Jay called me Saturday, Sunday AND Monday with babysitting requests. I refused every time, saying, �No, thank you�. I�m hoping they get the hint . It�s because, well, for one, I can�t fucking stand those boys. And don�t even get me started on Julie. For two, they are never on time. Like, Saturday, it was supposed to be a for �two hours� while they went �grocery shopping�. Well, after I refused, Hilda volunteered. They left at 2:00, and didn�t come home until 7 FUCKING 30. Now, I�m no math whiz, but that�s substantially more than two hours. And? They never fucking went grocery shopping, they went to Bob�s Stores and then out for dinner at Bugaboo Creek and out to his parents.

If I�d been an idiot and babysat, I would have been beyond livid. And then? They called back the next day for a babysitter so they could go grocery shopping. Which I also refused. I figure if I keep refusing, they�ll get the fucking hint. I didn�t hook them up with that fucking place so I could be a damn babysitter.

Seriously. If you�re going to have four kids, you need to accept the fucking fact that you are going to have to take them places. WTF! I mean, it must be fucking tedious to have to find a babysitter every time you have to go for a doctor�s appointment or grocery shopping.

Guess how many times, in the past four or so months since they�ve moved in, I�ve asked them to babysit for me? Guess. Yup, that�s right, absolutely fucking zero. Josh can�t understand why I�m always taking Mickey with me to run errands. Simple, my kids, my responsibility. Plus? How the fuck is a kid going to learn to behave out in public if you don�t fucking take them out in public?

(*public* must be pronounced just like Ron White when he does his �drunk in public� bit. So funny. �I don�t want to be drunk in public, I want to be drunk in the bar, which is perfectly legal. Arrest them, they�re the ones who put me in public�. And that guy is by no means a redneck even though he plays one on TV).

Anyway. In other news, my Mickey has been a douchebag of enormous proportions today, and yesterday. I�m losing it with him. I just whacked him and I feel bad but he�s a goddamn beast. I am so fucking glad it�s Wednesday. I am so out tonight. I�ll go to Wal-Mart (Hey! WTF! Wal-Mart is in the spellchecker dictionary? Huh?) after Weight Watchers and wander around aimlessly for two hours before I come home . It�s a Daisy night. Whoopeefuckingdoo. Which reminds me, it�s a Daisy weekend. What a fucking thrill.

List of Needs:

--Winning lottery ticket
--Divorce
--Job
--Mickey starting school
--Xanax
--A new place to live with a low obnoxious child population

I picked up this great book yesterday at Waste Basket, I mean Market Basket. �The Nanny Diaries�. I�ve barely been able to put it down. I knew when I saw the cover that it�d be the kind of book I�d talk out loud to. I don�t get the type of woman this is about, whom I�m sure exist all over, who has a kid but has someone else raise him, and she doesn�t even work. The kind of woman I love to hate.

Anyhoo, I�m outta here.

Ciao.

Listening to: Rugrats? Jimmy Neutron? Who fucking knows.

Currently reading: "The Nanny Diaries" Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus

Thinking about: Mickey really, really needs to go to school.