"I just have this chemical imbalance almost like an allergy to alcohol. It just makes me crazy!"

First of all, in celebration of the wonderful weather we are slated to have up here today (55 degrees!), I am wearing flip flops and a short sleeved tee-shirt (without a sweater over it). I even went out in my flip-flops for a minute to give Jaegan a ride to school (since he missed the fucking bus again, and yeah I was all �grrr� about it, but at least It hasn�t happened in quite a while and I�m not really gonna get bitching about it right now anyway), and whoo! That woke me up. It�s not 55 degrees just yet. It�s more like 35.

Yes, criminal, they are the perfect shoe. And calling them the �bacon of shoes�? How can one possibly be more accurate?

Due to the lack of snow, which OUCH, hurts the checkbook, I need to find something to be positive about. And what better than flip-flops? Especially brand new ones bought at Old Navy at the low, low price of 2 for $5. Try finding that price in May. Not gonna happen.

Hub told me last night that Hilda is still coming this weekend (more grrr, wtf) and he won�t go to the club for new member sign up because of it. Way to make me feel like a piece of shit. Since it�s in my interest to have him be a member of the club, I agreed to stay home with the bitch so he can go sign up. Lots of guilt was given right back to him for this.

Hey, if she wants to come on non-Daisy weekends because Courtney is here on those weekends, he�d better be planning on being here cuz I won�t. I�m sick of feeling like I can�t do or say this or that around her, or doing anything for me or my own kids without her fucking little pity party because her mother sucks and doesn�t do that shit for her.

I really need to investigate why I can�t stand her so much. Maybe because she �s 14 and a backstabbing, lying, thieving little whine ass who can�t be trusted alone in the house for fear of her stealing or going through things that aren�t her business and no matter how nice I�ve been to her, and how much I�ve done to her, she still trashes me behind my back? Surely, there must be more to it than that.

Enough about that shit. Carly wants to hear about our worst dates. Which reminded me of one guy I�ve never written about and the worst date I ever had with him. The �date� was actually a camping trip up north by Waterville Valley (Tripoli Road, for those that are familiar) after we�d been seeing each other for a bit, but I think it still counts as a date.

The back story, which also has back stories. Back in 1994, WFNX had a Best Music Poll gig on Lansdowne Street in Boston. They had bands at a few different clubs, most notably Beck at Axis. This was shortly after �Loser� came out, so he was pretty new. I ended up talking to him that night and made the discovery that DAMN, he�s short. But most appreciative of my thanking him for a great show.

I was supposed to go with my friend Gail, but since she was a new employee of FNX, she had to be busy with the whole promotion thing. So, she hooked me up with her girlfriend Caroline and I went with her and another girl. Caroline was gorgeous. Have I ever shared my theory on hanging out with totally gorgeous chicks? It was actually a strategy of mine to meet guys back in the day.

I learned this strategy in my teens, when I was friends with Dee, who was tall, thin, blonde and stunning. Not that I was ugly or anything, but this girl could have been a model. I noticed that when I was hanging around with Dee, guys would come up to talk to her left and right. What I noticed was, these guys who were talking to her, had friends. And the friends would talk to me while their friends were busy with her.

So, I always liked being friends with the most beautiful sought after girls. I met a lot of guys that way. And it worked that night at Axis.

Caroline had bumped into some guy she liked. He was really hot. So, he and his friends were hanging around with us. By the time we got out to the parking garage to leave, I was heavy into conversation with Al, one of the friends. We clicked right away, it was amazing.

He was from Woburn or Wilmington, I can�t remember which because I always get the two mixed up. It�s the �W�, you see. Anyway, he ended up coming up to Nashua a week alter and we went out with some of my friends to Martha�s Exchange, my favorite haunt in my 20�s. He got along great with my friends who he�d never met before, and we had fun.

So much fun that we got piss ass drunk and ended up having sex the first night. I kinda regretted that. I wanted to wait until at least our second date. But, well, beer. Martha�s brews their own, ya know. Plus, I don�t know if I�ve ever mentioned this, but I was a bit, um, �easy�. ;)

Anyway. We saw each other for the next month and a half or so. Mostly on Friday or Saturday nights. We got along great. The sex wasn�t too bad, either.

So, Memorial Day was coming up and he wanted to know if I wanted to take Beavis (who was almost three, and had yet to meet Al) camping up north with us. He was big into camping. So, yeah, it sounded great. And that�s where it all went downhill.

First, he showed up at my house kinda late to be leaving for Tripoli Rd, which is a good two hours from here. Maybe one and a half. Whatever. There wasn�t going to be much light left to the day to get set-up.

We got up there and found a nice site. Barely any light left, the sun was going down. Al had his own tent, so he started getting it set up.

It was his tent? Supposedly. Only, he couldn�t get it set up. I was no help, because if he couldn�t figure it out, being his tent and all, what the fuck was I gonna do? Read the directions? Which he didn�t have or else I might have.

Meanwhile, parties are going on all around him and I knew Ned (this was before he turned into a major loser, he was up there with all his cool friends that he used to have) was up there somewhere and I really wanted to hang out! But I had to deal with the tent bullshit.

After an hour of listening to him swear under his breath, it was dark and using his headlights to light the area wasn�t really working either, he decided to stop for the night. Goody. We were going to sleep in his truck. Which was a Ford Bronco II. Not the big Bronco. The little Bronco.

Beavis thought it was great, but not me.

Anyway, yeah, so we slept in the truck and then when we woke up, I cooked up breakfast and Al got back to work on the tent. Which he managed to get up in less than 15 minutes.

A bit later, he started complaining that he had a headache. I kept saying, take something and go lay down for a bit, but he just kept bitching about it. Then, Beavis was having some kind of issue, and was crying. Hey, he was still two!

Al had zero experience with kids, I could tell. He was getting impatient with Beavis and fucking hello! He�s two and you just met him for crying out loud, don�t fucking tell him to shut up. I was not happy about that. He was blaming it on his headache. So, I decided, look, I�m taking a walk and you need to go get some rest and get rid of the headache.

By now, I had a few beers. Because what is camping without beer? Nothing, I say. So, I trudged off in search of nature and a party.

Beavis and I found a trail and walked it. It was gorgeous out there. I met a guy riding his bike by, and we chatted for a few. Turns out he was from Nashua, right around the block from my house. That was kinda funny. He took a picture of Beavis and I in front of a brook that I still have.

Anyway, I left the trail and started up Tripoli Road again In search of my brother and his friends. I stopped by the campsite to check on Al, grab some beer and a snack for Beavis. I started back up Tripoli Rd, only to stop at the very next campsite to mine, where four guys were partying. I hung out with them for a few hours and had a blast. Beavis did too, there was some kids in a campsite next to them, so he was set.

I was heavily buzzed when I got back to our campsite. Al had woken up and his headache was gone. I cooked some dinner, using the cooler as a counter top. We ate, and by then, Beavis was pooped out and ready to sleep. I went into the tent with him to get him to sleep while Al cleaned up around the campsite.

Now, the big thing �they� say when you�re camping, is don�t put your food into your tent. Because, BEARS. You know, the number two Threat Down according to Stephen Colbert, right after the AP. And for good reason, dammit. Especially up north, we�ve got brown bears which are slightly more threatening than the black bears we have down here, which aren�t much more than big dogs on steroids. But, still bears.

Anyway, Al didn�t listen to �they�, and he put the cooler right inside the tent. I didn�t know this at first.

I found out while I was in the tent with Beavis, who was just falling asleep. Al came flying in, zipping shut behind himself and everything. (�hey, close that, asshole�, �my asshole ain�t open�--my favorite drunken line ever, as said by ME). And he whispers, �I just heard *something* in the woods�.

You can�t be fucking serious. I asked about the cooler. He said it was in the tent. In the tent?!? WTF! He said, �well all the food�s INSIDE the cooler, bears can�t smell it.�. Yeah, except I had all that steak, and eggs, and bacon, and whatever other kind of meat I had cooked on top of the cooler at one point.

At this point, I was just flustered. I was too scared to leave the fucking tent. And also scared that a fucking bear was going to bust in and maul us for our kielbasa.

It was about 7:30 pm, and all I could do was fall asleep. I couldn�t believe this guy claimed to be an �experienced� camper.

I woke up the next morning and asked to go home. I�d had enough. And couldn�t take another day.

I barely talked to him on the way home. When he dropped me off, I said, �don�t call me, I�ll call you�. I didn�t.

He called me one night about three weeks later. He was in town. He wanted to apologize for being an asshole. I accepted, but turned him down on seeing him again.

Now that I�ve read that all and recalled the experience through much older eyes, I can honestly say that if I�d met Al a few years later, even with the crappy camping experience, I�d have probably married him. Cuz he�s Hub without the kids! Don�t you think!

Anyway. That was kinda fun to write, but the story has lost it�s momentum in the past ten years.

The other �worst date ever� story is kinda funny, too, but I�ll make it short. When I was sixteen, a friend wanted t o set me up with a guy she knew from work, Randy. He was hot. We were going to a friend�s house and watch movies. Another friend of mine, Lori (major slut guy-stealing bitch from hell, btw), had called at the last minute wanting to know if I�d get her at work. So, she ended up coming with us. Because she was such a slut, she ended up leaving with Randy and fucking him that night. Bitch. He never saw her again, btw.

I stayed friends with her long enough to fuck things up with a few other guys I liked. I got my revenge, though, when it turned out that her ex, who she was totally in love with but he was done with her, was completely infatuated with me. HA. Douchebag.

Alrighty then. I�m outtie!

Listening to: "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" Beasties!

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Thinking about: Going out for a few.