It's a karma thing
Two nights in a row this week I sat down to write here and never ended up doing so. I get no privacy from the spouse, and I want to keep this journal private. Not that I think he'd find it incredibly damaging, but I just want it to be for myself. If I told him what I'm doing, he'd ask questions. Then it's not mine anymore. Do I make sense? He just doesn't understand my desire for something private, even for alone time. He was the youngest of 10, he hates being alone. Sure, I grew up with 2 brothers, but I always had my own room, always had privacy. So I want it sometimes. I've explained this to Hubby, and he'll give me some space, but he'll do it once and then think I'm all set for like the rest of our fucking lives or something. Then I have to throw a fit just to be left alone.
Like this. He finally spliced some cable into our bedroom this weekend. Yeeha. You'd think he'd just stay up there & watch whatever's on, but if I get up to come downstairs he'll follow and watch TV down here if I'm on the computer. Like, can't I just be ALONE?! But I feel like a bitch and it seems like I have something to hide, and I do but I don't. Ya know? I suppose I could have worse problems, and I'm just venting a bit. I just can't get into writing with him here. Not the kind of writing I'd really like to do, anyway. Last night he actually fell asleep in front of TV, and I typed up one sentence on here and promptly passed out on the keyboard. No shit. I woke up to a Notepad full of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I'm pretty excited as there's a group of 10 Tibetan Buddhist monks from a monastery in India in the area this week. I'm so excited I could shit. Friday they are doing overtone chanting at a local college, Saturday they're doing a cultural pageant and Sunday they are having some ceremonies, including a meeting with the community. I've never met any Buddhists around here, the population in this area is very small. BUT, with the monks visit this week, the local rag did an article on the resources for Buddhists in the area, and there actually is a Buddhist retreat about an hour from where I live.
Some of the women I work with are pretty closed minded about "that stuff"(their words), and one woman actually referred to Buddhism as "paganism". I had to let her know that her ignorance was showing. It's amazing, they'll diss it without even knowing what it's about, and what a surprise when I inform them that you can be a "Christian" AND a Buddhist. What bothers me about these so-called Christians is the fucking hypocrisy. The Douchebag is like that. All holier than thou, "I go to church", like that in itself makes you a good person. Please. Meanwhile you lie like a fucking rug and fuck people over at the soonest opportunity. I might not go to church, but I do live by the Golden Rule, does that make me a "bad person"? I don't think so. The Head Honcho at work (a "devout Catholic") had to go into her spiel this morning about gay marraiges, as the state of Massachusetts has just declared the ban unconstitutional. Blah blah blah, God meant for marraige to be between a man and a woman, Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, blah blah blah. We don't even live in fucking Massachusetts. I had to button my lip. I could have gone off. My own personal opinion is that people are born gay, they don't "choose" to be gay, and you should have the freedom to be who you are as long as you don't hurt anyone else. No? Plus, I totally dig gay men, not to generalize, but they can be such a blast to hang out with. I learned that in college.
Anyway. I'm going to end this now. Perhaps I'll have the opportunity to write tonight, but I can't make any promises.
Ciao.
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