Will it be hell? Or divorce court?
Whoa, less than an hour from twice in one day, ey? There's alot to love about this not working 8-5 shit.
Things are rather crappy at the house tonight, due to last night's "altercation" between the boys. I just don't even want to talk to Hub right now, as his solution is completely fucking assinine and solves nothing, but due to the way he is when this shit happens, I will lose my shit and there'll be a big fight. So, I requested time alone tonight and haven't spoken to him much since he got home. Of course the time alone request was met with attitude and he huffed upstairs.
It's been a wonderful evening alone. I finished the book I was reading (gotta get ready for my new books) and then hopped on the computer. And promptly got up to no good. I've got a cool screen name at Yahoo! and a great pic, so when I hop into a chat room, I get IMed by a ton of guys. I haven't chatted for a few years, but I picked it up again last week. I chatted for quite a bit when this one guy IMed me, his profile was interesting--no pic, though--and he was charming, then he showed me his webcam and I was like, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMNNN! And, well, let's just say we had a nice little "chat" that left me mildly moist.
It's just occured to me that I'm using the internet to replace the flirting I'm missing out on from work. But a step further. Because I never got explicitly sexual with any of them.
I'm going to hell. Or divorce court. I really don't want that, but I fear I'm treading in dangerous waters. I'm the type of person who gets CAUGHT. Fortunately, Hub doesn't know the difference between the internet and e-mail (and is still waiting to be assigned his email address by the internet office) and likely won't be poking through the computer discovering my indiscretions, but I'll get caught.
In the course of the part of an argument that we had last night, he said, "Well, I'll just take my kid and we'll leave". I can't figure out how he cannot understand, after four years, that the "I'm leaving" threat does not faze me at all, and I in fact welcome the departure. Every fucking time. I love my husband, I've said it before, and I would miss him, but the prospect of being single again is not scary to me at all. Sure, being a single mom is difficult, I'd definitely not be as well off materialistically and financially, but I could handle it. I have before, and we didn't have much and it wasn't so bad. So, if he were to truly believe that leaving would be best, the door would be wide open, no big protest. Which I think he's looking for, by the way. He wouldn't do too well without me, and he'll be the first to admit it, and needs constant reassurance that I'll love him forever. And believe me, if I pulled the "I'm leaving" bullshit on him, he'd freak out. I do not pull that shit on him because I'd hate to see him shit his pants like that and it's a bullshit threat.
Enough on that. I'm sick of thinking about "problems".
I'm about ready to end this and go to sleep soon.
Adios.
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