Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

The more that time goes on, the more I start to realize that this whole marraige thing is not for me. Or maybe I'm married to the wrong guy. But I really think I was not meant to be married. I should just be single.

Things with the Hubster have started going back to shit. I can be having a great day and once he waltzes in from work, I start to snap, I completely lose patience with him and anyone else around. And I think it's all this resentment inside me due to unresolved issues that are just on the back burner, simmering away.

Last night was the first time I really thought seriously that divorce is impending. Like, if we make it five more years, I'd be surprised.

One big issue for me is the space thing I've touched on before. How sometimes I just want to be ALONE. And how I have to throw a fit for some time by myself. And how he acts like a little baby about it. He works all these hours and comes home when I'm wiped out and just need to clear my head. I want to play on the computer, I want to read, I want to watch informative tv instead of stupid movies! I want to chill with ME. Is that so worng? (I like that typo, so I'm leaving it).

LAst night, after several differnent little tiffs, we sat down and started watching a show called "In The Jury Room", about a guy who's up for the death penalty. This shit interests me, especially considering my own (through Beavis's witness) involvement in a murder trial recently. Plus I'm so against the death penalty it's not even funny, I really wanted to watch this show. (I was bummed at the end when I found it was To Be Continued tonight). And there's Hub, "Work, work, work, my business, Esther, custody trial, blah, blah, blah, yak, yak, yak.." Finally, I said, very nicely, as a matter mcfact, "Honey. I spend a busy day with kids. I'm not in a particularly good mood right now and would appreciate some time alone to clear my head". I mean, verbatim. I think he heard "Honey, I hate you and I hate being around you. Go away and leave me alone so that I can go fuck someone else". He acted like a fucking baby. Went upstairs and then came down a few minutes later, dressed like he was ready to go out, "I'm sorry that you hate me so much!". WHat the fuck! Then he goes into one of his diatribes and I was just like, what the hell! He left for a few, came home and went upstairs. He came back downstairs like every ten minutes, treating me like a 12 year old. It was just bullshit. He's what I call high maintenance. He needs a mother, not a wife.

Last week, my dear cousin and best friend's husband came home and annouced that he was leaving her. (Their marraige has been on the rocks since before they were married, so no big surprise). She told me about it and I comforted her, which was tough because I was SEETHING with jealousy. Why can't my husband do that? Cuz he won't. If we ever split up, it'll be because of me.

There's a good sign that perhaps I'm not marriage material. I can do the mom thing for the rest of my life, but this marriage thing just ain't for this chick.

Listening to:

Currently reading:

Thinking about: