She said that living with me was bringing her down yeah
I haven't written here for two+ weeks because I have been feeling basically like my last entry, BLAH.
I read other people's journals and they're so way better, I feel like mine is completely lame. How does one have the ability to take a simple little story and make it into something hilarious? I can do this whilst speaking, I feel I'm a funny story teller, but to put it down on paper? Not the same.
Ya know, I go through my stats and I see some of the search hits I get and I think, "wow. how disappointing. someone is searching for info on clon@pin, and they get my (at times) nasty little diary". (I realize my diary isn't as nasty as it once was. This has to do with the lack of attractive males parading through my home). I get more hits for clon@pin than anything else. And these folks click on it! And they get to read my drug addicted blatherings. What fun the internet is.
So, the other day, I was going through the ol' stats, and it's amazing what shit comes up from my diary when someone plugs "licking my asshole" into Google. And I was like, wow, forgot about THAT entry. And I got to thinking. Why do I keep a journal online? I'm one who doesn't tell people in real life that I have one, and personally I'd be mortified if anyone I know in real life found this and read it. It's my little SECRET. But why? I suppose it's part of trying to build some sort of community for myself here.
I've been chilling around Diaryland for four years now. At first I simply read diaries, as my youngest had just been born and shit in my life wasn't too exciting, seeing as I was an obese single mom with three little ones. Then, I got a great idea for a journal not about me, but someone who I wanted to be. I had my little journal, built up a bunch of buddies, and after about 6 months, ran out of creativity for my false persona, and stopped writing. And then got found out, as one of my readers was very sharp and had an incredible eye for detail. To that person, I fessed up. Otherwise, said fake diary was totally deleted and disappeared from diaryland completely. I tried my hand at a couple more REAL journals in the next few years, but never really stuck with anything as my life is just not fucking interesting, at least the way I tell it.
So, last NOvember I was feeling interesting, and put a lot of thought into this journal. Paid for a gold membership and a custom design (which rocks, by the way, Lex does an awesome job)--sorry, too lazy to link!!!--and committd to this one. The fact that I still have this one some 9-10 months later is proof of that. I've just been wondering lately why anyone does this like I do. Why keep a journal online, especially if it's a secret? Do you think UNcle Bob's wife knows about his? I mean, she must, he's HUGE (not huge like fat, even though he claims he is, I mean huge like, well, you know, Uncle Bob is like the big man on campus here at Diaryland). Concievably, if someone really paid attention and really wanted to, I could likely be found out, I mean, someone could figure out that this diary belongs to me. With my luck, it would be Esther or her mom.
I don't know. I guess I'm just aimlessly rambling, with no real point. Don't get the impression that I'm going to give up this journal, cuz that's not going to happen. 2-3 months left of gold membership and 21000 banners left says I'm staying right here. And hopefully when school starts and the big kids who can read won't be sniffing around as much I'll be on here more. Bitching about the old man and the kids, yey. And writing about smoking dope and popping 'pins to save my sanity, how adult of me. I'm a grown-up, yey! Anyway, I'll just prod along with my lame entries and if you like them, then that's great, thank you! Otherwise, there are plenty of other way better journalists on Diaryland, (and plenty of way worse ones, too, just go to the section with the most recently updated journals--not the alphabetical one, the other one--and you can find tons of them, mostly teenagers wHo TyPe LiKe ThIs) and I'm not forcing anyone to read this.
Dammit, I suppose I should be proud of my little corner of the internet. Or at least a little easier on myself and my boring little journal.
Okay, enough. Later!
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