Dookie!!!

Ahhhhh, Saturday. I am so happy for today, I could just pee myself. Wanna know why? Because I only have my little rugrats to deal with today and I have no fucking obligations whatsoever. No one to go visit anywhere, no parties, no appointments, NOTHING! My big plan for the day? I'm taking the kiddos to Km@rt to look for Daisy's costume and Minnie saw a little jacket there that she would like. And Smokey is coming over to drop off a sack of hooch. And that's it. Otherwise, I ain't doin' shit 'cept throw some food at these bastards throughout the day. Yup, I'm happy.

We met with an accountant yesterday regarding Hub's buying his boss out and it's just not gonna happen. The company is not worth it. Hub was disappointed, even though I tried to warn him it could happen. Hub is still going on his own next year, so eventually he'll have a big business, or bigger anyway, he's just going to have to build it slowly, and I think that'd be better in the long run. And we're going to use the accountant we met with as he was a nice up-front kind of guy who tolerated Mickey with incredible patience. Mickey, aka Stuart, did not ruffle the man's feathers a bit, and Mickey put some effort into it, too. Anyone who can put up with his shit is a saint in my book.

My husband is such a prize. He called and made the appointment, got directions, the whole nine. I asked, "So what's this guy's name?", because I'm fussy about little details like that. Hub, not so fussy. "I don't know". So, you've got an appointment with this guy and you don't know his name. And he's in an office with several different CPAs. What the fuck are you going to tell the receptionist?

That's my old man.

I got through Thursday with the five kids okay. I only have five for like 3 1/2 hours, but it's a fucking long 3 1/2 hours. The kids are all wild, I have to keep them outside most of the time or they'll ruin my house. Or each other. And the tattling. Oh. My. God. The fargin' tattling. I'm going to go back to my old policy on tattling, from when Beavis was little, and that is, "If nobody's badly hurt, I don't want to hear it". These kids jump all over each other and then say that so and so did this to me! So and so said a bad word! They're killing me.

Two good things about babysitting: two hot daddies that pick up. One is hot in a Scott Weiland kind of way, and he came over to pick up Thursday reeking like weed which automatically makes him cool in my book. He'll be PunkDaddy. Plus I've heard tell that he's a bad boy, and that always catches my interest. The
other daddy is just going to be HotDaddy. He's married to a friend of mine and is actually a step-daddy but they have talked adoption. Anyway, he's hot just on account of being hot. Tall, handsome, striking blue eyes, former Marine and Corrections Officer (he won't be a CO in my state because the CO's here have a bad rep. The whole corrections system does. Folks from out of state who end up doing time here get the fuck out as soon as they can so they don't have to go back. But I digress.), he's still got a military type look but in a hot way. Did I mention he's hot? Plus he's really flirty, and he can get away with calling me "sweetie" and shit.

I'm so glad that they're totally forbidden, cuz otherwise, I'd be breakin' up marriages and shit. The crap that's going on in my head, however, is pretty damn steamy.

As I'm sitting here typing away, the kids were in the kitchen playing games. I keep said games on a shelf up high, partly to keep them safe and partly because it's just so damn fun to fetch games for kids all day. Mickey starts saying, "Mommy? Mommy?" and I say, "honey, just keep playing the same game you have for now", cuz I figure that's what he wanted. And again, "Mommy", and I'm kind of tuning him out cuz I'm good at that. "Mommy...I have a surprise for you" and I realize, the little shit is in the bathroom. So I get up to see, and he's standing in front of the toilet, pants down, shirt up, and he points to the toilet. And I look in and what's there? A nice, fresh, big fat dook. In the toilet! Not in his pants! For the first time! HOLY SHIT!(Pun intended). I'm about to shit myself now, and the kid is getting a trip to BK Playplace for his effort. And maybe a fun poo-poo party with chocolate bars and cocoa puffs. And he gets to go on the computer again since I banished him from it until he could successfully poop on the potty.

My life is now diaper-free, as far as my own kids go. I never thought I'd see this day.

And how pathetic has my life become, where a kid shits in the toilet and I'm ecstatic about it?

I have to end this now.

Sayonara.

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