big rant. I'm pissed. This is all ranting. Sorry.

I sat down yesterday and wrote this really great entry. It was the whole story of what happened with my step-daughter, the lovely Hilda, why we sent her to live with her mom last year. The whole fucking drama. And guess what? I LOST IT. Gone. A whole hour or so worth of writing. So, the next time I have an hour for that, I'll type it up again. It was great.

Anyway. Sucky news on the Dukkha front. I'm not a happy camper at the moment. Why, you ask? Allow me to share.

When Preacher Brother Bill, his wife, and my wonderful mother in law, Millie were visiting two or so weeks ago, Hub decided to open his mouth (which works way faster than his brain, I've learned) and invite them for an overnight visit sometime before they head back to their country. Without checking with me first, I might add. Which pissed me off, because I am not crazy about overnight visitors, especially when my mother in law or born-again Christians are concerned.

I've got a fucking brother who's homeless half the time, and he doesn't get invited for overnights.

I mean, it's one thing if we'd have a friend over who got too drunk to drive home. It's happened. And that's an exception.

But when it comes to Millie, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than spend large quantities of time with her.

And Bill? Well, do I really need to feel like I can't fucking have a beer in my own damn house? And, personally, I don't fucking feel like praying before I eat every meal. And I ENJOY using the "f" word liberally. These are things I don't enjoy having pushed on me.

Anyway, last night, Bill called to say that they all, Bill, his wife and Millie, are coming up TONIGHT and staying overnight until Wednesday.

Here's how it went down with the phone call. Hub and I put the kids to bed and were planning on having some lovin' before going to sleep. I had just popped a porn into the DVD player when Butthead brought the phone up. Hub got off the phone and informed me of the situation adn that his mom was coming too (why can't this woman give those people a break from her whiny ass?). You ever been in a bar when shit goes down, and suddenly the music gets pulled and the lights go on and THAT'S ALL, FOLKS? That's exactly what happened to our plans for sex at that moment. And at least for another week, as I am livid with Hub.

Yup, not even 24 fucking hours notice, and now I'm stuck with two people to entertain during the day, since Hub's big brilliant idea is to take Bill to work with him. And stick me with his mother.

I'm telling you, my dad's got a fucking .38 locked up in his gun safe and since I'm his closest of kin I'm the only other one besides him who knows how to get into that safe, I feel like breaking out with the .38. And putting it to my head.

Now Hub is talking about moving the boys out of their rooms and giving them to his fucking family while they're here. Not an idea I'm crazy about, because at least the boys can have their own space to escape to while they're here. Nope, Hub wants to piss them off too. That'll go over like a fucking lead balloon.

I can't believe this shit, and it's all Hub's fault. Two days with Millie. Fucking shoot me. I'm going to look into donating plasma. They probably won't take me, seeing as I don't even think I can give friggin' blood cuz of the time I spent in England as a kid (I could be wrong, but I heard this from my brother who can't give blood supposedly cuz of mad cow disease. If I'm wrong, let me know).

All that fucking shit about compromising in a marraige and family and all that CRAP is bullshit!!! BULLSHIT! This whole world is bullshit! (Sorry, now I'm quoting Fiona Apple).

I mean, it's not just that I have to deal with Millie for way longer than I'd really like. It's having to feel like I need to conform to this born-again bullshit that I don't follow, and fucking praying and feeling like I'm wrong to have a beer in my own damn house. Not that I even usually drink in the beginning of the week. And I WILL be taking the pot, like it or not.

Just like Eddie Murphy's dad, "This is MY house. Yeah, I'm drunk, but I got drunk in my house. I pay the bills in this house and if you don't like it, YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT". Go, Vernon!!! I'm with you on that! Gooney goo goo!

Ya know, I'm 34 fucking years old. Hub and I don't rely on anyone but ourselves to get by. We don't owe anyone shit. My feeling is, I can do what I want where I want, when I want and how I want. You know, as long as no one gets hurt. And no one does. But Hub thinks we need to hide this shit. Like we're fucking 15 years old. Bullshit.

Montgomery Gentry says it best, "You do your thing, I'll do mine". I hate when people can't live by that.

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. He doesn't think it's a big deal when I drink around him, and he certainly knows I smoke weed. And guess what? He thinks no less of me. Cuz I'm an adult and as long as I'm handling my shit, he's not worried. So non-judgemental. Yeah, my dad is the cool in-law.

And of course I am capable of going a few days without drinking, it's just the principle. If I were going to spent the night at someone's house, I wouldn't expect them to change anything for me. Go about your business. So why am I feeling like I need to?

I'm more peeved about having to entertain them for two days. That irks the shit out of me to no end. I've got things to do, and no notice that I'll be responsible for feeding these people and keep them happy.

I made it loud and clear to Hub, well, you ain't working till fucking 7 or 8 o'clock for the next few days. Sorry, I know you got a job to get done, but that's too fucking bad. TFB. And don't even think I'm skipping my Wednesday night out so you can make up for missing two days of work. Again, TFB. You want to invite people over for overnights without checking with me first? You're on your own. And that goes for breakfast, lunch and supper for these people too. DOn't look at me. I'm not due to go grocery shopping until Wednesday, when he gets paid, so deal with it.

This sucks. I'm ranting and raving now. I'm just so pissed. I hate this. I wouldn't pull this kind of shit on him. I'm telling you, if he even gets sex two weeks from now, he'll be off the hook early. I hate to play that game, but he's going to learn. He's also going to learn how I can disappear on him at random times for the next few days.

I won't be on here again for a while. I'm going to have Millie hang all over me and invade my personal space left and right.

I'm going to get that gun.

Ciao.

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