If I can't do it, homey, it can't be done
As I write this, I have five kids with me. One 5 (mine), one 4 (mine), two 3�s (not mine) and an 8 month old (not mine, but he�s so fucking cute, oh my god, I call him my boyfriend). And I have a lot to write about, so this will be super-dee-duper challenging. At least it�s the cool kids. Not Bobby the little fucker from hell.
Hub is at court for pre-trial bullshit right now. He�ll get the exact trial date while he�s there. Most likely December 6, two whole weeks away. Fuck. I want no part of this, but I have no choice. I really can�t wait for it to be over, whatever the outcome may be. And regardless of whether or not he gets custody of Daisy, it�s going to suck either way. I�d be thrilled to have her come live here, but Esther will be pulling some shit if she does. I can envision restraining order type warranting shit. Ugh. Pass me a �pin, please. Actually, fuck that shit. Hook me up with Xanax. Make it a double.
So. I will certainly not be sharing my diary with Yahoo man. Thanks to everybody for the feedback. I definitely don�t want to censor myself, I do enough of that in real life. And I know I�m going to be writing about this guy. Because my panties are all in a bunch over him.
I had a nice chat with him Sunday. So nice, in fact, that Hub has gotten laid, not once, not twice, but three times in the past 24 hours. It would have been four, but we had friends over Sunday night and we were wiped out by the time they left. Oh yeah, and it was hot. Holy shit. Of course, I was thinking about Dan the whole time. I even told Dan about that, see:
Yahooman: no, but I can just imagine how ordinary it gets after a while with the same person
Dukkha: well
Yahoo man: dependable sex, but predictable too
Dukkha: i'll tell you a secret
Yahooman: ok
Dukkha: i attacked my husband numerous times in the past week, but closed my eyes every time and pretended he was you. And you were awesome.
Yahooman: for real?
Dukkha: i'm serial
Yahooman: hee hee
Dukkha: ssssshhhh it's a secret
Yahooman: I hope I fucked you hard then
Dukkha: i'm telling you, you're awesome.
Dukkha: it definitely added something different into the mix
Yahooman: so you really had me in mind
Dukkha: i confess. i did.
Dukkha: you made an impression
Yahooman: glad to have "been" there
And we don�t only talk about sex. I found out he�s a Taurus, my favorite guy sign (we�ll just forget that Dick is a Taurus), and got stuff out of him like when he lost his virginity (still on that kick, thanks to iamdad2 ) and shit like that.
I�m so bad. Oh well. That little 15 year old bitch inside me is acting up. I�ll do what I want, and deal with the consequences if they happen to come about.
It�s not enough that Hub has made it perfectly clear that it�ll be over if I ever cheated on him. And how willing I am to take chances with that. Like, right now, it�s copasetic, just a little online thing. He�d probably be pissed, but he�d get over it.
BUT. If this keeps up, I foresee a visit from my west coast friend. It�s been lightly mentioned. And he certainly has the means to do it. And if it went that far, you�re fuckin� A right I�d take off for the weekend. See ya, I�m spending a weekend alone (well, not really, but I wouldn�t actually tell Hub the truth. If I�m gonna fuck up my karma, I�m gonna do it right, lying and everything).
And what a weekend it would be. Damn. Or, rather, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMN!
I�m aware of everything I have to lose. The consequences would be devastating. Being a single mom again. Ugh. And not being in my step-kids lives. I�d miss the shit out of Butthead and Daisy (Hilda can eat dirt).
But, look at me, willing to chance it all for a fling. Because that�s all it would be, I wouldn�t expect much else. Though, thinking about being with someone who has no kids, no ex-wife (or wives), etc, that would be nice. But yeah right! Ms. Baggage Central over here. What�s worse, the gaggle of kids or the fact that I�m (not yet) a cheatin� whore? And that�s just the tip of the iceberg!
Sometimes, you just gotta say �what the fuck�.
And finally, a brief drinking story. Memorial Day, 1990. I was 19. A bunch of the old gang from the losing virginity story and I went up camping in the White Mountains. I shared a tent with two friends, �Fat Joe� and �Dead-Head Ted�. Strictly platonic. It wasn�t a big tent. We got plastered on vodka the first night. Me and hard liquor are not a good mix.
I don�t remember any of this. I was briefed in the AM. I woke up and everybody was asking me how my asshole was doing. Just imagine the crap that went through my head, after blacking out and sharing a tent with Fat Joe and Dead Head Ted. But it�s not as bad as it sounds.
The three of us made a bunch of noise as we were snoring, farting and bitching about each other all night (well, the 2 or so hours that we slept, I should say). I got out of the tent at one point to pee (I guess I wasn�t too drunk, at least I didn�t piss myself). When I came back in the tent, I didn�t zip the door thingie shut.
So, Ted says, �Hey, close that, asshole�.
My slurred reply? �My asshole ain�t open�.
I�ve got better ones, but they�re longer.
Yo, I�m out.