Smokey's Dating Service
I met Smokey in early 1989, when I was 18 and he was 15. My brother Ned brought him home from school one day. I came home from school and there was Ned with his new buddy, a little dark-skinned kid wearing a brown leather triple-fat goose down jacket. I thought, who is this little Puerto Rican kid?
Ned and he were looking to buy a bag of weed and needed a ride over to the dealer�s house, a dude named �Sampson� (who, btw, is a cop now! Imagine that! I bought weed off this guy all through high school and after, and the last time I saw him, he was a cop in Mass. And yes I think it's hilarious that that was the dealer's name in "Half Baked"). I obliged the boys.
Smokey laid on the charm heavy and thick with me. Why wouldn�t he, on account of the fact that I was pretty damn hot when I was 18, if I do say so myself. He regaled me with stories about living in the Bronx and smoking crack. I also found out that he was not Puerto Rican, but black (he�s actually �half� black, as his dad is black and his mom is white. But he�ll say he�s half black, half Polish. And he works in construction, and he�s said this to one too many construction dudes, earning the nickname �Chocolate Polack�. Sorry if that offends, but it is one of the funniest nicknames I�ve ever heard and Smokey thinks it�s funny too).
Anyway, to me, Smokey was another of Ned�s little friends. One of the ones I found interesting. We shared a common love of weed. For the first year or so that I knew him, he was Ned�s buddy mainly, but I hung out with them on occasion. I was more into hanging out with the big kids, though.
Then I moved away to western NY for my geographical cure some months after I graduated. I stayed out there for about 2 � years and moved back home when Beavis was 1. While I�d come home to visit on holidays and for a few weeks in the summer, life went on back home while I was gone.
When I came back, I was 21. Smokey and Ned were 19, and more like big kids. And Smokey and I started being friends more than before. And while I was gone, Smokey had found himself a bunch of cutie pie skater friends to hang out with. I was in heaven. And the guys just loved me, I don�t think so much cuz of my looks (by then I had some baby fat, not much but I didn�t look like I did at 18), but because I am so amazingly fucking cool. (I�m not being conceited. I�ve been told this all my life. I�m like the girl Fonzie. Aaaayyyyyy.)
I think that Smokey still had a crush on me for at least the first three or four years that we knew each other. I just wasn�t attracted to him, being that he was so much like a brother to me. And he�s way shorter than me. That�s a big deal for me. And blah blah blah. It just wasn�t there for me.
But with his friends, oh yeah!!! It was like I won the cutie pie lottery.
I developed a mad crush on one guy, Dave. Dave had a girlfriend that he was really serious about at the time. It was the only thing that held me back form him. However, I had the serious hots for him. He was about 6 feet tall, with all one length brown hair, that had gorgeous spiral curls, and these beautiful green eyes. And he was very timid. He was so hot and had no clue at all. It was absolutely adorable. He was different too. His family practiced a religion I�d never heard of, Ba�hai, and it was known that he�d not been circumcised, and he�d just found out he was diabetic (which isn�t so cool, but he was cute about it. �I use dirty needles�, only they were dirty from himself. It was cute). I was like hapless with this guy. He could�ve walked in and said he�d just killed someone and I�d be thinking how cute it was.
But, alas, Dave was enamored with his girlfriend, who�d gone away to college in Connecticut (she�s a fucking doctor now, btw, an MD). So, I moved on.
Dave�s best friend was named Kevin. Kevin kind of looked like the lead singer from Everclear. His hair was always a different color. He was cute and sweet and a ton of fun. I really didn�t think he�d be into me and didn�t catch on until we were seeing each other. I was a little clueless.
Kevin and I dated for a few months. But, it really wasn�t meant to be. I was 22 by then, he was 19, and I had a little kid. It was fun, the sex was good but nothing too spectacular, but it had to end. And, Smokey wasn�t too thrilled with the situation.
A few months later, Smokey introduced me to Dan. Dan wasn�t one of the skater guys. Dan was an artist and could draw up some fucking awesome sketches. He was also a big ass Dead Head and would go on tour with the Dead and sell his drawings to fund his trip. He was actually older than me. He wasn�t a babe, but the artist thing intrigued me.
Dan and I had fun, much to Smokey�s chagrin. He was the first guy I had around Beavis as a boyfriend. Again, the sex was okay but nothing to write home about. He proved to be totally unreliable, disappeared for days at a time, and drove me nuts. I ended it when it got irritating.
Then Smokey had a friend named Phil, the same age as Smokey and company. Phil was absolutely smoking fucking hot. Holy shit. Six plus feet tall, blonde hair, blue eyes and a model�s face. And he had personality out the wa-zoo. He was one of those guys who was just fun to be around. You know, there�s nothing to do, but with Phil around, it was a blast. He�d get so enthusiastic about something and just want everyone to enjoy it like he did. He turned me on to Tupac. He was fun to flirt with.
Phil was so hot that I felt I�d never have a chance in hell with him, so I didn�t bother. We just hung out and had fun. Well, one night we were all hanging out at this girl Michelle�s house. Smokey was seeing Michelle (albeit treating her like a piece of shit) and she had her own place with a few girlfriend�s. They were big hair and make up chicks, and I was not. I got along with them, but wouldn�t have hung out with them if it hadn�t been for all the cuties being at their house.
The girls were in the kitchen and the boys were in the living room. I, of course, was in with the boys, and they kept joking about it, saying how cool I was and how funny it was that I was in there with them. I wasn�t stupid, I knew where the fun was.
I was always giving kisses to those guys. You know, a little peck on the lips. Well, that night, Phil asked for one. I happily obliged. Just a peck. One of the big hair chicks saw it and pulled me aside. She had the hots for Phil. She said, �What�s up with you and Phil?� and I was like, �Uh, nothing�. And she was like, �I just saw you kiss him� and I said, �I don�t know if you noticed, but I kiss all these guys� and she said, �I know, but that was different�. I didn�t notice. Again, I really thought Phil was way out of my league.
Phil gave Smokey and me a ride home that night. After he dropped off Smokey first, we headed to my house. Then he remembered he forgot something at the girls� house, so we made a detour back. He went in, fetched his whatever, and came back out to the car. He started telling me how cool I was, which I just couldn�t hear enough from him.
Then he says, �Hey, you want to go back to my house and have sex?�. Holy shit. I couldn�t believe my ears, but I didn�t hesitate for a second, �Yeah!�. I don�t think he believed it, because he asked, �Are you serious?� like three times. Funny. So, we went back to his apartment and had sex for a few hours. It was fun, and I wasn�t disappointed. He had a great body. MMMMM, Phil.
About a year or so later, Phil and I did hook up again for some cheap sex. We bumped into each other at like the mall or something and he asked me if I wanted to go hang out at his place. Duh, yeah, but I let him know I was interested in more sex. Well, I guess he was too cuz that�s what ended up happening.
Back to Dave. He and his girlfriend had broken up and was single again. We�d go to parties and I would hit on him like crazy. I wanted that boy and that was it. The feeling was mutual, but he was afraid of Smokey. I guess he�d given Kevin a bunch of shit when we were seeing each other, which I hadn�t known about. I didn�t give up. Dave even told me that he loved it when I would show up at parties, because he knew I�d be hitting on him.
I don�t think I was ever as persistent with any other guy. And it worked. He came over to visit one day after one of those notorious parties. He came over to hook up, and I had to tell him that I�d just started my period. If that wasn�t a fucking bummer.
Anyway shortly after, we were back at the big hair chicks� house. Yeah, Phil was there, but like I said, things were hush-hush. To me, that meant, no strings, right? And seeing as I�d had the mad hots for Dave for over a year, I wasn�t going to pass up my opportunity. Dave and I went downstairs on the front porch �to talk�. By talk, I mean, make out.
And we made out. And made out. Then we decided to take off and find ourselves a nice quiet private spot. We were right near the river, so we found ourselves some brush and went at it. Major sex. He was a sweetheart. The uncircumcised thing didn�t seem different at all to me (I�d been quite curious), but I suppose they�re all the same when they�re wrapped up in a Trojan.
I don�t know why it never went beyond that night. I wasn�t heartbroken or anything, I was glad to have had my night with him.
Oh, but the next time that I saw Phil? He gave me a rash of shit! �So howz DAVE?!?�. I think he was jealous. I loved it, of course.
By that time, I had slowed down on using Smokey as my dating service. I had to. Not only had I been through the really cute ones, but I didn�t want to get any trampier than I already was.
But then some time later, I met Marcus through Smokey. Marcus was in the service, so I only met him when he was on leave. The first time he met me, he hit on me. He was sweet. He was black, very dark skinned, with huge brown eyes, about six feet tall. And probably the sweetest guy I�d ever met. He was a whopping four years younger than me. And he had a thing for older white girls. I guess that was me. We saw each other when he was home for two leaves, and he�d write the sweetest letters. It didn�t go any beyond that second leave, because he didn�t come home for a year after that one, and things had changed.
After Marcus, I quit hooking up with Smokey�s friends altogether. Mostly because the whole cutie pie crowd (Kevin and Dave, but not Phil) started using heroin at that point. While I was tempted at first, Smokey talked me out of it, and they were junkies all too soon. Sad. One of those guys died, too, on an OD.
I don�t know how much Smokey knows about me and his friends. Kevin, Dan and Marcus, I know he knows. But Phil and Dave? No clue.
Now I want to find that paper journal, cuz I had details about the Phil and Dave hookups. Hub hid my journals in the basement, under the stairs and a bunch of shit, to keep the kids out of them. It works, because I can�t even get to them. (Hub, unlike Dick, won�t read my journals. And I don�t think it�s on account of the fact that he struggles to read, but he has respect for my privacy. And probably would rather not know my sordid past).
Anyway, this has taken long enough! I must go back and be a responsible adult!
Ciao!