How Beavis Came To Be. It's a long one.

Okay, I feel much better today with my dland fix. Surprising how it�s like crack. And I�m glad I�m not the only one who was dying without it.

So not in the mood to re-hash the home bullshit this AM. If I hear Hub talking anymore about the Daisy/Douchebag situation, I�m going to scream. If I hear Minnie screech one more time, I�m going to rip her pretty little head right off and chuck it out in the woods for the bears. Bitch. But don�t tell anyone, okay? DCYF would be all over my shit. Oh, yeah, and the cops, too. So, shhhhhhhh, don�t go all Kramer on me.

Anyway, story telling time. This is about how Beavis came to be. Again, it�s booze and drugs and boys getting me into trouble yet again. It is a recurring theme in my life. I figure it�ll end when I�m 90. No. It�ll only end when I�m dead.

I was living in Western NY, doing the whole geographical cure thing. I was 19, almost 20 (like within weeks). I had slowed down somewhat since I was 18, but not much. Only because by then I didn�t have a car, and I was actually going to college. I was out on my own for the first time in my life, with a bunch of friends in the same situation. Western NY was and still is a dead end area, the armpit of NY, I think, but I knew some great people out there.

I had these two guy friends, Chris and Dane. Chris was smoking hot, but shorter than me, so completely out of the question. I met Chris through my friend (who was and still is a vital mother figure to me, she was my dad�s girlfriend through my teen years and after they broke up, I kept her. My mom passed away when I was 11, so I really needed her) who knew his mom. I was in need of a ride to school and the moms hooked it up. He was kind of pissed at first because he thought it was going to interfere with he and Dane�s morning bake session, until he found out during the first ride to school that I too was a big pothead.

Anyway, I had known these guys for like six months when they started bringing Rod around. Rod had recently moved back to the area (he grew up there) from like Virginia or something. Rod was attractive, I won�t say smoking hot or anything, but he was cute. He was also like 6�3� and I just loves me a nice tall man. Built well, blonde hair, hazelish eyes, he was okay. I was still a little messed up over breaking with Sean (yeah, a year later), so I wasn�t looking for any kind of serious relationship. I just wanted a regular sex partner, and he fit the bill.

So, we hooked up and Chris and Dane and my girls thought it was great. I did too because he was one horny motherfucker (hee hee, spellchecker thinks I spelled motherfucker wrong. It did it again! Fuck you, spellchecker, get a dictionary). We drank together and popped acid all the time and screwed the crap out of each other. It was okay, at first. He was wild. He would take me into the bathroom at parties to fuck. That was fun. Once, we got caught! The girl whose pad we were in totally walked in on us. Oopsie.

But, the more I got to know him, the more he just seemed like a dork. Like, not even in a good way. I found myself thinking, what the fuck am I doing with this retard? But that did not stop me from fucking him, let me tell ya. He just got more and more retarded as time went on. Then he started this, �I need to talk to you about something, but I would like to take you to lunch to do it�, but claimed poverty and the lunch would have to wait. I was like, wow you are a loser. He wouldn�t tell me what was up at all, but I was sure he wanted to dump me. Like I�d be all heartbroken. Yah. This went on for a few days during the week.

Anyway, Saturday rolled around and it was time for another big acid party. The crowd I ran around with was so cool, they�d have a band in an apartment and we�d just dose and dance and shit. The lead singer was this guy Matt, who was Kurt Cobain like two years before Nirvana hit it big. Matt ruled. But anyway. I didn�t go to the party with Rod, but bumped into him there. I was all fucked up and asked if he�d take me home, and he was like, �only if you promise we can have sex�. WTF? Yes, you are a retard. But, I needed a ride home and who the hell refuses sex, anyway?

I was living with another girl and three guys at the time. That�s a whole story in itself, we had some fun times. So, we got back to my house and passed out. No sex. Too bad.

The next morning I felt a huge hangover coming on. Back in those days, my favorite cure was the hair of the dog that bit ya. And being that it was Sunday, I started drinking upon waking. Well, if you�ve ever done that, you know it does not take much before you�re drunk again. And I was hammered. And Rod was still there. So we went into my room and had sex. I was drunk and not even thinking, and he blew his load right inside of me. And right then and there, Beavis was conceived. (BTW, one of these days, he is going to hear that story).

Of course, I did not worry myself with the possibility of being pregnant. I just wanted to be done with Rod as he was just the biggest fucking dork retard I�d ever hooked up with. So, I saw him Monday at school and asked him to come for a walk with me. I gently told him that I thought it would be best if we ended things between us. You should have seen his face. I still remember it to this day. Priceless. I don�t know if it was because he was upset about breaking up, or upset that I�d beaten him to the punch. Whatever, I was free of him. Or so I thought.

I tried to be friends with him, but he just acted like a dickhead. Totally. I was so embarrassed that I�d even been with him. I just stopped talking to him, he was such a jerk off. I gave Chris and Dane a ton of shit for not cluing me in on the fact that he was such a doofus.

Then, my period was late. And I knew, deep down, that I was pregnant from having been before. But I got myself a great case of denial. I could not deal with it at all. One, of all the fucking guys I�d been with, why did that piece of shit have to knock me up? Two, I knew I just couldn�t have another abortion. I�d had one already. I couldn�t use that like birth control.

So began a very difficult time in my life. I finally faced up to the fact that I was pregnant and knew I would have the kid. I considered adoption seriously, as I was in no position to have a kid. I had nothing. Not even a job. And Rod wasn�t going to be any help. I knew that. I didn�t even tell him at first.

He found out on Earth Day. He hadn�t seen me at all since the winter, before I was showing. Well, on Earth Day, I was a good seven months along and wearing my big maternity overalls--over a tie-dyed t-shirt, of course. There was a big whoopdee doo at a park near our school, and that�s when he saw me. Again, you should have seen his face. He didn�t approach me, though.

No, he approached my girls with all his questions. How far along is she? They told him. He did the math. Is it mine? Yup.

Yeah, while you were out having fun and being irresponsible, I was busy dealing with what we�d both created. And that has been the theme of it all along. Not that I�m bitter or anything. I got the better end of the deal eventually.

Anyway, he finally approached me. He wanted to help me out. He wanted to go to Lamaze class with me. And I thought, yeah, you�re a retard but it was his kid too. And I wasn�t going to deny him his kid.

Until he turned out to be full of fucking shit. The first day of Lamaze class, he bailed. Disappeared. No where to be found. The guys said he went to Buffalo. Whatever.

Anyway, I dealt with it all on my own, with help from friends. I was seeing a counselor too, because I didn�t know what to do. How could I keep my kid? I had nothing. I thought adoption was my only option. Until the day, maybe a month before Beavis was born, when I was crying to Sandy, my counselor, that I really wanted to keep my kid. I really wanted him. And she hooked it all up for me. She got me to the resources I needed and I took it from there.

I didn�t know if was going to be a boy or a girl. I had �Corinna� picked out for a girl but couldn�t decide on a boy�s name. I tossed around Sean or Casey, but couldn�t decide. Then, two weeks before he was born, I had a dream. I was at a party with a hot hippie guy I knew out there. We were talking and I said to him, �You know, I really like your name, I think I�m going to name my kid that�. When I woke up, I decided, yes! That�s the name!

I went into false labor two days before he was born. So, when I went into real labor two days later, I really thought it was false, so I stayed home alone all night. It sucked. I was all alone. Finally, at like 7:00am, I called my mom friend. She came over and took one look at me and took me to the hospital. I was 5 centimeters dilated by then. I had spent half my labor by myself.

I was very feisty in the labor room. I swore at my doctor and everything. I yelled shit like, �I AM NEVER FUCKING DOING THIS AGAIN!!!� and he said, �Oh, I think you might� and I looked at him and yelled , �FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!!!!�. Classic.

Beavis made his appearance at 12:54 pm. The anesthesiologist took polariods for me. I should scan them, but I�m too lazy to right now. He was so cute and so perfect. My tune changed instantly. I fell in love with him on the spot. It didn�t matter to me that he was Rod�s kid. My life had changed monumentally in that instant. It was me and that boy against the world. And I did it. I was a good mom. All by myself, and not even 21 years old yet.

Rod�s dad found out about Beavis and came to see him a few times. He was the only one from that family, he and Rod�s brother and sisters. Rod�s mom is an evil bitch. Denied Beavis because he was born out of wedlock. I fucking hated that douchebag for that.

Rod? Yeah right. Didn�t show any interest at all. Never saw Beavis at first. When it was time to determine paternity, he denied it was his and insisted on a test. That was the kicker for me. I was like, you�re a fucking moron. Of all the guys in the entire planet, do you really think I�d just pick you? Please. So, the test came back and of course Beavis was his. I�m not that much of a slut. Then he asks for a public defender in the child support thing. And back then in NY, you could do that. NH would�ve laughed in his face.

So, since he was unemployed, he was ordered to pay $6 a week. That�s a slap in the face. And he didn�t pay it!

Anyway, he finally started to see Beavis when he was 9 months old. And he did good with him. He wanted to get back together for Beavis�s sake, and even wanted to get married, but that wasn�t happening. We did fuck some more though, because screw it maybe he was an idiot but I�d already had his kid, and I was horny.

When Beavis turned one, I�d had enough of NY and wanted to raise Beavis at home with my family. So I came home. Rod went to Florida to help rebuild after Hurricane Andrew. Yada yada yada, he�s had very little to do with Beavis since. Very little. But that�s a whole story in itself, and this one is far too long already.

But, yeah, that�s how I got Beavis. Can I give him back now? He�s getting big (taller than me now!) and mouthy.

Anyway, Butthead is stalking the computer. I�ve hogged it far too long.

Ciao!

Listening to: Dora dora dora the explorer

Currently reading: The same fucking book! Damn internets.

Thinking about: Bears. Run!