Jumping out of my flesh and I said, "Cash in!"

Well, it�s hard to believe that about an hour ago I was freaking out like you wouldn�t believe. Freaking the fuck out, folks. All I have to say is, fucking teenagers. FUCK THEM. Fuck Beavis and his �the rules don�t apply to me because I�ve always got a half ass excuse� little fucking attitude. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I�m so fucking sick of being disrespected around here, that I�d like to offer some fucking payback.

Anyway. I had two cures to lessen the freak out. Both worked rather well. The first being to pop a pin. That didn�t quite cut it, so I had to pop another half, which did the trick (two whole ones and I�d be asleep). Then, I ran upstairs and grabbed another Jane�s Addiction CD, one I haven�t listened to in ages, �Nothing�s Shocking�, and CRANKED �Mountain Song�. Fuck it if it was fucking 7:15 am. I�d have preferred to hear it in the van, or on headphones, but settled for the CD player in the kitchen. Nothing like a little Jane�s early on a Wednesday morning to make things right.

And damn was Perry cute with his dreads and eyeliner back in �88. Dave Navarro was a cutie too, so young looking. I saw a movie of them back in the day, it took place around the same time as this disc came out, but I don�t remember the name of it. Perry was chilling with this chick Casey and still had his dreads. Dreads on white people really have to be done the right way to look good. I�m a bit on the fence about that whole look on white people. Perry pulled it off well. Anybody remember that movie? What was it? I�d like to look for it on ebay.

Perry is like a lyrical genius, as far as I�m concerned. And to look at him, he�s not the best looking guy in the world, but to watch him onstage performing, whoo! Hook me up with a towel or a panty liner, please. I caught a live video for �Mountain Song� online last week and was just soaked. He looks a little like Mike D from the Beasties, I�ve just recently noticed, now that they are both older.

Yeah, Jane�s is my latest trip. Even Beavis (that little demon bastard from hell) borrowed �Ritual� for a few days. He still has my Nirvana �Bleach� CD (the only Nirvana I own, btw). Reminds me of the days I used to raid my dad�s albums (Yeah, back then, the old vinyl were called �albums�). The Beatles, Eric Clapton, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, etc. And when my older bro split for the AF, he left his collection at home. Man, did he have some good shit. Every Led Zeppelin (he was a huge fan, he had tickets to see them on the tour that got cancelled due to John Bonham�s going off and dying on them), Aerosmith (when they were all on drugs), Rush, Van Halen, he even had that wicked cool Yes album what I can�t remember the name of. Black Sabbath, the early Ozzy�s, Bread, Vanilla Fudge, ELP�he had an incredible 70�s collection. And he still listens to the same shit.

Thank goodness for fucking music. I�d go bananas without it. Even more so than without drugs, man.

I have so many diaries to catch up on. I haven�t left as many comments as I usual the past few days. ADD in full effect. If I dissed you, sorry. Take no offense. It not you, it�s me. (I know, that�s George Costanza�s line, and he can get pissed at me all day long for using it). Plus I started smoking more pot again, which is not working for me. I�ve got to cut down again. I�d like to quit, but Hub is really hindering that big time. Keeps going out and getting more. I have done nothing but smoke and eat like a fucking bulimic (sans purging) for the past five days. Yeah, there goes the almost four pounds I lost.

And now it�s time for a bitch session. This is in regards to a parent of certain kids I babysit. I won�t be too specific about which parent, but let�s just say, her kids are the ones I dread coming every week, and they�re only here twice a week for three and a half hours, tops (this week, three days. Woo).

First off, what the fuck is she thinking? She brought her fucking kids over with fucking BK Kid�s meals yesterday. Just for them. That irritated the fuck out of me. Like, bitch, did you think about the five other kids I�ve got here? Never mind the fact that I make lunch for them every week, and had it all ready yesterday. So those brats come in and flaunt the fact that they got BK, and were NOT going to share their toys. (She fucking brings snacks like two packets of hot cocoa, or soda or Kool Aid Juice boxes--which I do not give my kids--and will tell them they don�t have to share--I don�t give the kids them, either, I send them home). Well, I took the fucking toys away. Don�t fucking think you can come into my house, play with and sometimes break my kids� toys, and think you�re not sharing your�s. Bull-fucking-shit, I say. I don�t give a fuck what your mom said, this is my house, and if you don�t like it, you can get the fuck out.

She reminds me a little of The Douchebag. Like, �The Douchebag-Lite�. I�ll call her �Helen� for that reason. (Oh, could it be? Yes it is). Fucking clueless. When there are a bunch of other kids around, you shouldn�t bring anything special for your kids unless you have enough for everyone (Christ, I learned that when I was 6 fuckin� years old). How would she feel if your kids showed up and mine were at the table enjoying McDs or BK, and I had PB & J for your kids? Hm, might that piss her off? Yeah, I think so. But I wouldn�t do that. (That�s why Monday is BK/McDs day for my kids, because no one else is here until after lunch). I don�t know, I know life�s not fair, but I think when you have a group of kids, they should all be treated the same. Even the sinister little fucker. They�re just kids, after all.

Hub and I have been getting along better, despite my being a freak from hell. He was very supportive of me this morning. I can�t complain about having a man who�ll deal with that. Of course, he knows exactly what pushed me to it, too. He was around all day yesterday, which was a help. (Fucking Cindy walks in the house and says, �Oh, no, Hub�s here�. Oh, yeah, you little bitch, disappointed because you can�t get away with murder?)

We had another night of porn, candles and incense. Still no Mr. Natural. He should be in by Valentine�s Day. I gotta get that sleevey thing, too. They had some cool ass shit, man. I�m hoping it�ll scratch some of the itch I�ve been having, in another effort to keep myself faithful. Hey, I�m trying. As long as I�m in my own state, I�m all set. Certain other states, I�d have trouble.

And, yeah, Vicki , a d-land road trip meet-up would be awesome. Holy crap, I�d be meeting face to face with folks who know more about me than people I know in real life, Hub included. But still, it�d be way cool.

Dammit. I have to go deal with these fucking kids and catch up on my dland love. More the latter than the former, of course.

Ciao!

Listening to: "Jane Says" Who else? Jane's Addiction.

Currently reading: "Bad Boy" Olivia Goldsmith

Thinking about: Oh forget it. Can't narrow it down. Maybe a couple of somacids and a nice fatty. Then say goodbye to walking upright for a