Eventually, I do mention Minnie.

Before I start, I posted a private entry last night. Butthead ate a habanero pepper and it made for an excellent photo opp. I put it in private, cuz, well, it�s the kid, ya know? He probably has a bunch of girlies here on dland, and wouldn�t that be funny if they saw it and told him, right?

Anyway, username and password is the same. As usual, if you don�t have it, since I�ve got some new buddies, if I�ve listed you or you�ve listed me as a fave, or both, you are more than welcome to it. Email is the preferred method of contact (dukkha-tanha at diaryland dot com). And the entry is right here .

My goodness, this might be a two entry day. Some amazingly fucked up shit has happened to several different people I know, the kind of shit that makes me quite thankful for my pathetic little life with my way too goddamned expensive, high-maintenance old man. (Oh yeah, last night the u-joint on his truck broke. Yey! Let�s sink more fucking money into the truck! And let�s pay the Guardian at Litem from Daisy�s court bullshit drama another $521, because he says he owes him! I mean, the $1300 we already spent on him for no fucking reason wasn�t enough? I told him a few minutes ago, �Try to remember in the midst of your truck bullshit, that we still need to eat and have a fucking place to live�). I have truly had enough of this shit. He is the most expensive bitch I have ever met. But, it could be worse, I suppose.

Three paragraphs and I haven�t even mentioned Minnie on her birthday. She�s gonna have to wait a minute, because I did remember that Beth�s little boy gets his body cast off today! Yey! Hope he enjoys that bath! And Happy Birthday tomorrow!

I really don�t think I�m going to make it through this day. The current time is 8:16 am and I�ve had enough of kids already. My sis in laws kid? The two year old? With the screech thing? Reminds of a noise an alien in a movie would make. Like ET did. I�m telling� ya, had I been around this kid at like, say, age 19 or so, I�d have never had kids. He. Does. Not. Stop. And Mickey is all jealous of Minnie�s special day, so he�s being an ass. And I�ve still got the �I want� kid coming, with her parents who have the worst luck of anyone I ever met (well, it�s not �bad luck� as much as �self-imposed problems�) which I�ll have to listen to. Everybody, just leave me alone. I am so hitting the pipe early today. And I don�t care if all I do is stuff my face all day.

In better news, Quattro (see previous entry) has died. Thank you, Persa-Gel. Cinco, however, is hangin� in there but dying a slow death. �Ya know, for someone who has a dead fetus growing out of the side of your head, you�re not very open-minded, mmmmkay?� (I can do that impression perfectly, you�d think I WAS Mr. Mackey).

So. Minnie. She�s upstairs all hooked up with her new CD player and hoop earrings. I can�t believe she�s 6 already. Seems like just yesterday she was in my belly, making me incredibly uncomfortable.

After I had Beavis, I kind of shrugged off the notion of having any more kids. With every milestone, I thought, why would I want to go through this shit again? Potty training, starting school (the end of paying full-time daycare!), he was more self-sufficient, etc, and he�d be 20 when I was 40. I was keeping my eye on that prize, that�s for sure. Yeah, had you known me ten years ago, you�d have been quite convinced that this chick was having no more kids, period. Funny how thing change, ey?

When I was 26, a girl I knew through friends had this gorgeous little girl. Her name was Shine. This little girl was 2 and the most precious thing I had ever seen. I volunteered to babysit for her, that�s how smitten I was with her. Blonde hair, big blue eyes and the most beautiful smile I�d had ever seen. That little girl was responsible for getting my biological clock ticking. Loud. Like in �My Cousin Vinny�.

So, summer of �97, I met Dick. Yada, yada, yada, we moved too fast, moved in together too fast, blah blah blah. I�ve mentioned it before. We were together a whopping 9 months or so when we started trying to get pregnant. I know, it wasn�t one of the smartest moves I�ve ever made. But, I was really in love with him and I wanted a baby girl. Period. And I wanted to be done with the child birthing thing by the age of 30 (that mission was successful even with the arrival of Mickey, who came along when I was one month shy of my 30th birthday).

We didn�t have to try long. Minnie was conceived May 8, 1998. The night that CBS (?) broadcast �The Wizard of Oz� for the last time. I won�t go into other details because, well, as much as I loved Dick back then, I certainly don�t now, and don�t want to re-create the sex we had. I�m into leaving that behind. Yeah, but I do still think about his dick sometimes. Definitely his best feature.

Anyway, what happened about two weeks after we confirmed my pregnancy? He fucking spills his guts and says he�s been going out and smoking crack on benders and blowing shiploads of money. Not too mention coming home acting all fucked up. I had no clue, I don�t do crack, never have. Yeah, so that was a little wrench in the works, and I felt stuck cuz of the baby. Who wasn�t going to be aborted, because, I�m sorry, I didn�t intentionally make a baby just to have her yanked.

She was my most uncomfortable pregnancy. My biggest baby. And the one who decided to hang out for an extra two weeks. How fun, being pregnant for 10+ months. It was a long one. Lots of drama with Dick, too. Left and right. He was a drama queen big time. I was probably about 5 months along when I knew I would have to leave him someday, and that I�d have to take drastic measures to do it. But for then, I stuck it out.

She was due January 28. Obviously, she didn�t agree with that. My ob/gyn was this old hippie doc I�ll call Alan. Cuz that�s his name. Rockin� ass doctor, too. Wicked cool. Anyway, Alan decided that two weeks after my due date, we�d go for induction. Unless she decided to come out first. Which she didn�t. So, February 11, 1999, the eviction proceedings began first thing in the morning.

Now, Alan wasn�t the doc on call that day. No, instead I got the young, handsome doctor from the practice. This guy was hot. When I first saw him in person, I got nervous. With Dick�s jealousy, I thought for sure he�d pitch a fit. Oh and the reason that Dick didn�t see him right away like I did was because he left the hospital numerous times that day to go get baked. While I sat there suffering! (I wasn�t �allowed� to smoke while pregnant, I mean for good reason, of course, but that�s how it was, he said I wasn�t allowed. I won�t say more than this: when told I cannot do or am not allowed to do something, my automatic response is to go ahead and do it anyway. Picking up what I�m putting down? It was sparse, and she�s never been affected by it).

Anyway, when Dick saw the doc, he was fine. We started calling him �Dr. Drake Romoray� after the character Joey from �Friends� played on that soap. And it was Thursday, too, �Friends� night. More on that later.

I tried to go natural. I�d say labor pains started at around 10:00 am. One thing about induced labor is that it�s hard and fast. Fucking painful as all hell.

I made it to about 5:00 pm and I couldn�t do it anymore. I asked for an epidural and medication. I got both. I felt better, for a while anyway.

With all my births, I had a different attitude. With Beavis, I was angry. With Mickey, I just wasn�t in the mood. With Minnie, I was helpless and sad. Like very victim-y.

Around 7:00 or so, I started feeling pain again. I told the nurse the epidural wasn�t working. She checked me. Oh, it was working, but it was time for some pushing.

When they�d broken my water, they found meconium. For those of you that don�t know, that means she shit inside me. It happens a lot with overdue babies. I had a feeling, because a few days before I�d felt a funny bubbling from her. So, with the meconium, they had to call in the neonatologist. It was one full room when it was time for her to come out.

As a matter of fact, it was so crowded that Dr. Drake Romoray looked at the big rocking chair in the room and said, �We can get this thing out of here� and picked it up and put it in the hallway himself. All those nurses and shit there, plus Dick, and he did it himself. I loved that. How often do docs do shit like that themselves?

I had to push for about an hour, give or take. All with me crying like a baby. I was aggravating the shit out of them. Oh well. Minnie had one big head. With lots of hair, they informed me. Yeah, I was so amused.

My final push came with a very loud scream. And her head was out. And I had to stop pushing so they could clear her airway cuz of the meconium. That was set, he pulled her out, covered in shit, I might add, Dick cut the cord and she was handed off to the specialist.

(Man, it�s amazing how you go from the most intense pain ever and then it�s over. Bam. Like that. Once that head is out, nothing hurts. Oh, afterbirth? Piece of cake. You�re sewing me up? No biggie).

Dr. Drake marked the time. 8:04 pm. Know what he said? �We can still catch �Friends��. And Dick and I laughed and I said, �That�s funny you said that, because we�ve been calling you Dr. Drake Romoray all day�.

She suffered no consequences due to the meconium, which can fuck up a kid�s lungs big time. She was 8lb 14 oz and the biggest baby I cranked out. Like 22 inches long, I think. She was beautiful.

I stayed up with her all night. The nurses kept asking me to get some sleep, but I was enjoying my baby girl too much. I was probably the most self sufficient mom they had on the ward. Didn�t need help with breastfeeding or anything. She never went to the nursery unless the docs needed her.

She was the easiest baby I had. She came home from the hospital and slept 6 hours the first night. She was so cute, you could hear womens� uteruses contracting when they saw her.

And Dick was in love with her. He got a little over protective, though. Like insane over protective. Like a retard. He�d road rage if someone did something on the road when he had her in the car. Dumb shit like that.

But I�ve documented the hell that was my relationship with Dick enough. This is about Minnie.

I made a lot of mistakes and really wasn�t in the right place or with the right person to have a baby, but I�ve never regretted it. The world was just so ready for a little Mini-me. Ha. Ha. Ha. Sure.

But, she is wonderful (when she�s not being a bitch!). She�s so smart and ahead of her time. She seems older than Daisy, who is over a year older than her. When I tell people how old she is, they can�t believe it.

And in September she starts first grade! She�ll be the most popular girl in her class as she always was in daycare. Kids just love her. As long as she works on her coping skills. I wish I could help her with that, but I need to work on mine too. Big time.

Anyway. Maybe another entry later. We�ll see how it goes. Tomorrow, I�m signing papers and will be a business owner. Nervous doesn�t even begin to describe it. Tomorrow night, we�re going to a shindig at the sexist men�s club with Robert, Rhonda and that bunch. The sexist men�s club is fun because of all the blasts from the past, and the $1.25 bottled beers.

Minnie's the girl in front:

I'm out, yo!

Listening to: OMG. Nelly and Tim McGraw. They play this song over and over again. Over and over again.

Currently reading: My buddy list in a minute.

Thinking about: The pipe.