I am not Carol Brady. (Good thing, because I'd bang the shit out of Peter)
It�s 6:40 am. I am blissfully alone which will not last long. Probably the very sound of my fingers on the keyboard is waking Hilda up right this very second. God effin� forbid that I be alone down here enjoying some privacy. Hilda will not allow it.
Ugh.
So. Last night I pulled kind of a shady move that I really don�t feel bad about. I told Hub that after the last kid went home, I was taking Minnie and Mickey out to get groceries. I�ve been taking them with me lately to get them out of the house. I didn�t even make supper. Not only did I not make it, I also didn�t make the announcement that I wasn�t making it. Fuck it.
I didn�t go to the grocery store. I had no intention. I took the kids out to our favorite Mexican restaurant and had dinner with just the two of them. It was nice, and the three of us needed it. I was in the mood to go out but not in the mood for the whole fucking family to go and have to drop like $100. And listen to their shit. Which is what would have happened if I�d made my intentions known. Fuck that.
Hub would have been all offended if I didn�t make it a �family trip�. I am so fucking sick of everything being a �family trip�. I mean, he can be out gallivanting all day and doesn�t understand what it�s like to have an assload of kids with him all day. He doesn�t understand that Minnie and Mickey need time with just me, as I need time with just them. No, it should be the whole damn family. No. I�m sorry. It�s not that I don�t care about my step kids. I do. But two of them live with their mothers. I am not their mother and I will not be (unless one of those douchebags dies, which I don�t see happening ever. That�d be too much of a blessing). And trust me both of those mothers will be the first ones to point that out.
So why do I need to constantly function as their mother when I am not? Why should I sacrifice my time with my kids just because they happen to be here visiting their dad? Why the fuck can�t he just spend the time with them and shut the fuck up? I am the worst bitch in the world for not wanting to drag Hilda and Daisy with me everywhere, if you listened to him. And maybe I sound like it, whatever. But like my online therapist says, if you feel selfish then it�s for a reason.
Let�s take a simple trip to Wally World. Now, I could go there with Beavis or Butthead and they would disappear to look around. If I take Minnie and Minnie, they�re challenging but manageable. If I take Daisy with those two, all hell breaks loose. Challenging becomes completely unmanageable. And if I take Hilda, holy shit. She stays right up my ass, looking at everything I look at, making note of what the price is for everything I put in the cart. Think I�m kidding? I am not. And I�m the type of person who goes ballistic if someone reads the over my shoulder, so this drives me insane. I refuse to go shopping with her unless it�s specifically to buy shit for her.
But this weekend, if I wish to go to Wally World, or anywhere else, which I like to do on the weekends because I don�t have all the other kids, it will have to be a production. I�ll have to leave Minnie and Mickey home (which I don�t want to, I want to spend the time with them, and also Hub has that habit of not feeding them), because if I don�t bring Daisy too then I�m committing some high crime or misdemeanor. Daisy might feel left out. No, Daisy might have to spend some one on one time with Dad which sounds like a pretty fucking idea to me. Besides, The Douchebag takes Daisy to Wally World. I�ve seen them there. That cunt takes Daisy all over the place, so why is it up to me to drag her ass around when she�s here for her visitation with her father?
It�s not like I don�t want to see the girls and it�s not like I don�t ever want to do shit like a family. And I do not go out of my way to treat my step kids as second class citizens next to my kids. It�s just that I don�t like that I am more obligated than he is with them. I don�t like that anything we do all together costs a shit load of money. I don�t like that I have to miss out on things on my free time because he wanted to have his kids here.
Whatever. Maybe I am a mean, evil bitch stepmother. Just for wanting some time for me and my kids. Whatever. I am just not looking forward to this weekend at all because I�ll be chained to this house again and I don�t know how much more of this shit I can take. I mean, is it a high crime to just want some breathing room? Is it too much to ask that he spend some time with his kids? If I let him, like The Douchebag did, he would stick me with the kids all the time and never be around. Think I�m kidding? If it wasn�t for me making him, he�d barely ever spend time with the girls.
And even when I do pull shady shit like I did last night, want to know what he did with Butthead and Hilda? He sat here playing spider solitare while they watched tv. Rough life, huh? He didn�t even have to make food, he just ordered subs. Rough. How does he live?
(7:17 am. Hilda has emerged. Fucking whoopee doo. Now she can fucking hover me and try to see what I�m writing. Nosy fucking bitch).
Anyway, when I got back last night Hub and Butthead were at the door ready to help in with the groceries. Which never happens, I usually have to call for Hub because he�s in front of the tv somewhere doing nothing and not paying any attention to the fact that I�m home. And I just looked at them and told them we didn�t end up going to the store, we changed our minds. Well, Butthead knew where we went because of the toys the kids brought home (�wikki sticks�).
Hub ended up being a kiss ass about it. I thought he�d be all pissed, but no, he kissed my ass. I told him, going grocery shopping was the last thing I wanted to do last night after the day I had, I just wanted to have some quiet time with the kids, without it having to be a huge production. Deal with it. It�s going to happen again.
We are not the fucking Brady Bunch, I am definitely not Carol Brady, I do not have an Alice to help me out, and he definitely does not make Mike Brady�s salary so that we can go on all these family outings all the fucking time. We need to spend his money on dump trucks and lawnmowers and new engines for his regular truck. And lawyers and accountants. There�s your fucking family trips, asshole.
I should start a pool. �How much longer is Dukkha�s marriage going to last?�. Here�s a hint: pick the square that says three years. There should be a prozac option, too, which would therefore either extend the period of time or decrease it significantly. In case I actually do end up on anti-depressants. Here�s another hint: don�t take that option. I won�t take that shit. I would go into counseling, which would likely decrease the period of time. Any counselor would look at me and say, �What are you, fucking crazy?�.
Aargh. PMS. It all catches up with me this time of the month.
I�m out, yo.