Yada yada yada, blah blah blah, I had the lobster bisque.
I am so goddamned lame lately it�s not even funny. I have nothing funny to write about, and trying to think up a story from wayback is killing me. I also don�t have much to bitch about, either. Of course, I could bitch about Hub, there�s a well that never dries up, but I�m not into it right now.
I�m really, really horny, but Aunt Flo is putting a damper on any action that I could get. This is kind of a new thing with me, must have come on with the onset of my sexual peak, if that�s what it is, being so horny whilst ragging it. It�s fucking frustrating. Quite the dilemma: I�m all horny, but too self conscious while the flow is too heavy.
Here�s something funny: Hub asked me the other day if my period is due when we go to Aruba. I was like, uh, I don�t know when my period is due six months from now. Lately, it�s been at the beginning of the month (and I only know this because I looked back in my diary a few months, my ignorance caused by the fact that HA! I don�t have to keep track, I don�t have to take the pill, I don�t have to do jack shit because Hub is fixed and that�s the best thing in the whole world, except for that whole blowing his load inside me thing, sometimes I�m not too crazy about that and the aftermath�but, um, maybe that�s TMI?). So, theoretically speaking, I *could* be enjoying a visit from Flo when we go down, for the first few days, anyway.
Which reminds me of the other silly question he asked me about Aruba, which was, can he expect to get laid down there? Uh�like left and fucking right. All that sun, first off, is going to make me insanely horny, pair that with NO KIDS, a beautiful island and tons of alcohol? I�ll wear him out. Because, trust me, if he isn�t getting laid down there, someone else is; like Dexter, swinging his dick, but I believe Dexter was in the Bahamas Biodtl , help me out with the random Eddie quote)?
Honestly, I won�t be banging any Dexter or anyone else but the old man. It�s going to be enough of a chore to sneak down to the computers every morning, but that will get done.
Okay. Enough about Aruba.
When all else fails, write about menstruation and sex and tropical islands. It never disappoints.
I�m down two kids (OPK) today. Yey! That and did I mention the big ones went back to school? I am still so excited about that, plus Beavis is still serving detentions until Wednesday, so he�s not even home until 4:00. Nice break from the obnoxious teenagers that had filled my home until just days ago.
And, AND, Hub is out right now checking out a vehicle for Butthead. A 94 Geo Metro (you know, one of those little itty bitty shoe size death trap cars that I would die before driving, but that�s me). It�s got like, I don�t know, forty five billion eleventy thousand six hundred and seven miles on it. But the price is right, and Butthead likes it. So one of Hub�s millions of brother in laws, a mechanic who runs his own shop, is having a look at it right now.
It�s guaranteed the kid is getting a car, no bout a doubt it. It�s been a challenge finding one for what he can pay ($1200), but eventually he�ll get one, even though he wanted it like two weeks ago and has been going bananas waiting for one (which I don�t blame him, I still get impatient waiting for a new car now, as an adult <---using that term loosely, of course).
But once he does get the car? Whoo-frickin-hoo!!! See ya later, Butthead! Go find a jobby-job, go hang out with your girlie-girl, go sleep over your friend�s house--just GO! See ya! Oh, by the way, can you bring Beavis? (I know, wishful thinking!).
Speaking of Beavis and driving, this is what he asked me last night: �On my 15th birthday, can you start letting me drive?�. (Last I knew, in my state, a 15 year old can drive with a parent in the car, we don�t do learner�s permits here. As far as I know, that law hasn�t changed). This was funny, because the friggin� kid hasn�t even turned 14 yet.
He wants to drive so badly it�s not even funny. He keeps talking about how he�s going to drive when he gets his license (FAST!) and it�s kind of scaring me. I swear he gets all this from my dad, the wanna be race car driver. I still have two years before that nightmare starts. One thing I know for sure, he will not be getting a teeny weeny deathtrap car, because he will wreck it and himself. I�m thinking 1980 Ford Thunderbird, 20 feet long. We�ll go down south to find it, where all the super old cars are still on the road (when I went down to SC when I was with Dick, he about had a fit at the old cars on the road, he couldn�t believe it. We�d be driving down to the Bi-Lo, and he�d all of a sudden start pointing and yelling, �That�s a damn 1967 Blahdie-blah car!!! Holy shit!!! Look at the condition it�s in!!!�).
And last, I�ll leave you with this, what goes on behind me while I type this up everyday (today�s mess is smaller than usual, and sorry it�s kinda dark and out of focus, but I did this in a way to not attract the attention of the little cretins, because if they saw the web cam on, they�d put on a dog and pony show and that would be the end of my candid shot):
Where the fuck is everyone today, by the way?
Ciao, peeps!