The Prodigal Asshat Returns, Part Deux.

Yesterday, I sat down with my handy dandy notebook and began to write down all the little things that were irritating me at the time. It was going to make a great entry, because I was just GOING OFF. But then, something else happened that needs to be written about. The reappearance of Rod, Beavis�s sperm donor.

You may have read about him here in the story of how Beavis came to be. Well, I never finished my story, did I? Sometimes, when I write �another story for another time�, another time actually comes around. And here it is.

In a nutshell, back in late 2001 the state of NH pursued a higher amount of child support from Rod (more than the $7 a week he�d been paying) through the state of Ohio, where he lives. They finally listened to me. And it turned out that Rod was making a good amount of money ($45,000 a year). So, when the new child support order went through, and he was paying real child support, all of a sudden, we heard from him for the first time since 1992.

One thing to bear in mind, is that despite my lack of respect for Rod, I never, ever, ever conveyed my ill feelings for Rod to Beavis. I felt that Beavis did not need to grow up feeling #1 like the son of a retard and #2 abandoned by his bio-dad. So, Beavis grew up thinking that Rod was some great guy who just happened to live far away.

So, Rod resurfaced in early 2002. And immediately began communicating with Beavis. He bought him a web cam and headset so they could chat online and they spoke on the phone and Rod even mentioned either Beavis going out there to visit or him coming here. Whatever. I didn�t stand in the way. And Beavis was thrilled at first.

It lasted all of MAYBE two months. Then, as quickly as he appeared, he disappeared. Didn�t reply to Beavis�s emails and ignored him when he�d IM him. No explanation, just disappeared. Beavis sent him our new address when we moved, no reply. He�d see him online and say hi and no reply from Rod. Nothing.

Now, this was upsetting to Beavis, of course. And to me too. I get really protective of my kids and when somebody hurts them, my fangs and claws come out. And why the fuck did he go out of his way to talk to Beavis and then just shut him out like that? That�s what pissed me off the most. Why did he even bother?

At first I kept my mouth shut. I still didn�t want to trash Rod to Beavis. But then, one night, months later, Beavis saw Rod online and IMed him, and as usual, Rod ignored him. And Beavis started crying and was very upset. And then Hub stepped in and told Beavis �like it is�. That Rod was wrong for what he did, very wrong. That he�s an asshole for doing what he did.

And then I got more honest with Beavis about Rod and the past and how he acted. And Beavis was shocked, because like I mentioned above, he always thought Rod was some great guy who just lived far away.

Oh, hee hee. That night when we all were talking, Beavis had left the IM window open. When he left the room, I typed in �you suck asshole� and signed him out. Then, the next day, I sent Rod an email detailing exactly how I felt about the entire situation and how he had hurt Beavis. The fangs and claws. Don�t fuck with my kids.

Fast forward two or three years to Wednesday night. Beavis just happened to sign onto MSN messenger and who was online but Rod. And Beavis said that he was online but �away� and should he say hi? I cautioned him that he wasn�t likely to get a reply, but do what you gotta do. So he said hi and signed off.

Yesterday he checked his email and what�s there, an email from Rod. Explaining his disappearance. I posted the whole thing, no changes, in a private entry to be found here . (If the link doesn�t work, just go to �Private Entries� over there and click �current entry� in that folder).

(Believe you me, I wanted to post that publicly, but decided against it. I changed nothing about it, not even the names. Need the password? Email me. Dukkha-tanha AT diaryland DOT com).

Basically, he blames his having to work extra jobs to pay child support as the reason for not communicating with Beavis. He goes into the child support and shit, which is none of Beavis�s concern and not something for Beavis to worry about. Oh did that piss me off!!!

I was so pissed, I did not think. I went off. I told Beavis that Rod is an ass and while I didn�t come right out and call him a liar, I did make mention that Rod has a problem with the truth. And I went into how I am not sorry for getting child support for him. And how I could get a lot more based on his income, but I feel the amount I get is fair and I leave it at that.

(If I hit �print� instead of �save� one more fucking time I�m going to freak out! Like I need hard copies of this laying around!!!)

Then I realized what I was saying way more than I should and I apologized to Beavis, who had started writing his reply to Rod. I left him to it and respected his privacy.

Until I noticed he was crying. And I asked him why he was crying. And he said he felt like he was being pulled in two different directions and he didn�t know what to do. And I saw the pain I thought I�d never see with him, being torn between two parents. And I don�t want that for him.

So, I told him, �Beavis, I�m sorry for what I said. I shouldn�t have. I know you want to get to know him and that�s fine with me. You can talk to him, you can like him, you can love him, you can call him Dad and that�s fine. You do what you gotta do and I won�t stand in the way�.

And he felt better. And he wrote his little email and sent it to Rod. No sooner did he do that than Rod signed onto MSN and they were chatting. And then later on last night, they chatted again for an hour or so. Which is fine. I did warn Beavis though, that he could disappear again just like last time.

He started mentioning his �step-mom� and my feathers got a little ruffled for like a second or so. Then I thought, honestly, how much of a threat can this woman be to me? I will always be #1 to Beavis. Always. No bout a doubt it. And really, what is she like? She fucking MARRIED Rod, so she can�t be all there. Hee hee hee. I don�t want to trash her, really, but I have been dying to know what she�s like. What kind of woman would marry him?

Speaking of feathers being ruffled, Hub�s panties are in a bunch about this. He kept saying to me, �You know Beavis is going to get hurt again� over and over. I said, �Hub, what am I gonna do? Say no, you can�t talk to your father?� and Hub said, �Well, I can be Dad if that�s what he wants�. That�s what Hub�s problem is, he�s jealous! He thinks Beavis doesn�t think of him as a dad. That and he�s still pissed about what Rod did the last time. I told Hub, �Look, Beavis thinks of you as Dad. Sorry he doesn�t call you that, he doesn�t call anyone that and he never has, not even Rod. This is something he needs to do, he needs to know his biological roots. He knows about these people, he knows he has another family and he wants to be a part of that. Don�t hate�.

Beavis told him how we go back to NY every year on the 4th of July, and Rod said he goes out to see his mom there for holidays, so maybe they�ll hook up then. More motivation to get this weight off. (I keep asking Beavis, �Did you tell him I lost 100 lbs and I look wicked hot?� and Beavis says, �Mom, I am not going to say that you are hot� and I said, �Just tell him I�m a wicked hot MILF� which got me this reply: �MOM!�. I love that). I�m okay with that but a bit more apprehensive about his other suggestion, that Beavis fly out there for a visit. That wigs me out a little bit. But, Beavis is going to be 14 this summer and it�s not like he�s a little kid anymore.

I�m worried about him getting hurt again. I�m worried about Rod trashing me to Beavis, which will do nothing but piss Beavis off. I�ve been a good mom to him, and nobody can say anything bad about me to him without him getting BULLSHIT. I�m worried about a lot of shit, but I suppose it goes with the territory. I can�t shelter my kids from all the not so good things that will ever happen to them.

The other thing I�m worried about is Rod�s criticizing Beavis for being who he is. Back when we were in NY, Rod�s sister had a daughter just days after Beavis was born and Rod was forever comparing the two, and being very critical of Beavis, like he wasn�t good enough. He kept going on about Beavis�s head being too big, which it wasn�t. I remember finally getting pissed one day and asking him to stop saying that, and he said, �But Kaitlyn�s head isn�t that big� and I said, �Did you ever consider that maybe Beavis is going to be a hell of a lot bigger than Kaitlyn?� .

in his IMs and emails (which I checked this am, I shouldn�t have but I did), Rod keeps talking about sports, and he seems disappointed that Beavis isn�t in any. Beavis just isn�t a competitive athlete. He gets plenty of exercise, he rides his bike, sleds, skates, etc, but he�s not an athlete in the way that Rod is expecting him to be. I never was, and I always felt bad about that, so when it seemed that Beavis wasn�t either (I had him in soccer when he was younger), I let him know it�s okay if you�re not into competitive sports, just stay active. And he�s okay with that, and I hope Rod doesn�t fuck that up.

That son of a bitch should consider himself blessed that a kid like Beavis came from him. That�s my take on that.

Anyway, so little to do and so much time. Strike that, reverse it.

Ciao!

UPDATE: Okay, whoever is coming here from Rod's internet provider (fuse.net), you just fucking freaked me out!!! It's not you or her, is it????

Listening to: "Creep" Radiohead, on Dukkha's list of favorite songs ever.

Currently reading: "The Empty Chair" Jeffery Deaver

Thinking about: How much better my life has been because of Beavis, even with all his bullshit as of late.