"Just cuz you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn"
The boys have no school today. Teacher�s workshop or whatever. They are still down in their dungeon, but since Hub just left and I actually have semi-privacy, I�m sure they will be up within the course of this writing. I�ll let you know.
I�m down a kid today, which means I have no other kids until lunchtime. I think I�m going to take a ride with Minnie and Mickey only because we can. I have no destination in mind, let�s just get the fuck out.
The drama of Hub�s family just keeps going. He is a drama queen, I�m convinced, and I know where he got it from. Holy fuckin� moley. First, his sister, Tina, still has no idea that their step-dad is sick. So, Hub has been given the honor of telling her. He took this honor happily, although he will say that it�s a huge burden. He even went so far as to contacting the people who work at the hospital, and made an appointment to go tell her. I don�t know if he�s meeting with her therapist or a social worker or what. But it�s a big whoop-dee-doo.
He thrives on this shit. Just so you know.
Then there�s my father in law, Phil. Who knows what the hell is going on with him. He�s either going to be fine or is indeed knocking at death�s door. I know, big difference, right? Hub�s sister Lily called last night to say that she heard that they have to wait until Phil�s son (he only has ONE kid of his own, ONE, and he married a woman with TEN. I haven�t been able to figure that one out) comes up from Texas to take him off the ventilator, because he is the only one who can sign papers for that. ?????? So, this makes me think, does Phil have an advance directive stating that only his son can make medical decisions for him in the event that he can�t, and if they take him off the ventilator, does that mean that he won�t make it?
The answer is: WHO FUCKIN� KNOWS!!! Really, who fuckin� knows? Nobody in this family does, and Millie�s not saying much, except that Phil�s son will be here today. Hub did talk to Phil�s son�s wife last night after he�d left for the airport, and she said that Phil is doing fine, his condition is stable. Yeah, he had to get the news from Texas.
I find it kind of interesting that Phil would have his son be the one to make decisions for him. I also find it interesting that Phil had the same son�s name put on their house, too. This is interesting because it shows that Phil does not trust Millie at all. And, I think he�s right not to. The proof is in the pudding.
Anyway. I could not have married into a better family for entertainment purposes.
And now this weekend it�s Easter. We are going to his sister Lily�s. I ordered a H0neybaked Ham, because Easter is just not Easter without one of those evil pieces of meat. Screw the ham, can I just eat the skin with that delicious honey glaze all over it? Mmmmmm�.
And since it�s Easter, let me share what I absolutely hate about it. Fucking Easter baskets and stuffed animals. The baskets? Useless. All they do is take up space and fall all the fuck apart. Don�t even get me started on those stupid plastic eggs that split open down the middle and also break all the fuck apart and, AND did you know that they are a serious choking hazard for little kids? Yup. Learned that one from Dear Abby, my life guru. And that fucking cellophane grass shit. Yey for vacuuming that shit up for two weeks.
And stuffed animals. OMG, I can�t even tell you how many fucking stuffed bunnies and chickies and duckies we have. I can�t tell you because they are buried in one of the kids closets and were only played with on that Easter and then forgotten about. Oh yeah they�re cute for like a minute but what a waste of space and materials. If it weren�t for the kids, I�d burn all the motherfuckers in the fire pit. It�s not like my hatred of stuffed animals is a secret or anything, but people, Hub included, continue to buy these useless pieces of shit for the kids.
So, this Easter I am avoiding the basket thing altogether. They�ll live. I got Minnie a Bratz doll and I got Mickey a cool PlayD0h set. The big kids got Wally World gift certificates. And chocolate bunnies (which, btw, don�t go to WW to get chocolate bunnies at the last minute. They have shitty bunnies left and you�re going to put up with the clusterfuck of that nightmare aisle for nothing. Go to the grocery store) and Peeps and jellybeans. That�s it. Shut up and be happy, kids. Now let�s go gorge ourselves on ham and watch how many beers Mom can slam while she hangs out with Aunt Lily.
Beavis just emerged for a feeding while I was writing that last paragraph. I said I�d let you know.
Anyway. Kids are up my butt, Beavis is asking beaucoup questions about Terri Schiavo, and I�m going to get out for a while.
Happy Weekend! Happy Easter!
Ciao!