"What the hell are you bitchin' about? I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork".

Happy Fucking Mother�s Day!

Mine kind of sucks so far. Hub spent the morning laying on the couch watching our new Encore lineup on tv. Rough life. He finally had enough of my little jabs about Mother�s Day and took the kids for a ride.

Maybe it was this conversation that I had with myself in the kitchen? �Happy Mother�s Day, Jackie! Why, thank you! Ya know what I think I�m going to do for Mother�s Day? I think I�m going to do all these dishes that everyone has left for me here in the sink. Doesn�t that sound delightful?!?�

Well, maybe that didn�t get him to take the kids, but it did get him to do the dishes anyway. Oh, and I didn�t �get� anything. Except, the kids made cards for me the other night, which was adorable, and the fine folks at Rent@Center gave me a carnation yesterday. But at the moment, I have peace and quiet and that�s kinda cool.

I watched Bam on �Cribs� today. I also watched his show last night when I was up at midnight taking the pot. I�m so torn about him. I�ve mentioned this before. He is so fucking hot, I can�t take my eyes off him. He is just smoking. What a cutie. I could fuck him like twenty ways. But god he is such a fucking little shit! He pisses me off. I�d like to see Don Vito just clock him one. And never was I so happy when I saw Johnny Knoxville (another yummy hunny) fuck up his Hummer.

Like, on �Cribs�. His girlfriend was there, and he kept smashing glasses in the house and laughing at how she had to pick them up. Or when he stripped his friend naked and threw his pants into the fireplace. What an asshole! But he does all this and I still think he is drop dead gorgeous. He must be good in bed for his girlfriend to put up with his shit. (Or maybe it�s the money, more like it). I�d like to find out how he is bed. Even if he wasn�t good, it�d be worth it.

I could just see that entry too. �Last night, I had sex with Bam Margera. It wasn�t very good, but I HAD SEX WITH BAM MARGERA�. I�m totally fucking dreaming, of course.

I had crazy insane dreams last night. I never write about dreams, do I? Because I find it lame. But these were wild. I�ll be brief with them, because I have a short attention span for reading about dreams.

The first one, Hub and Butthead were upstairs. Butthead had a gun and was shooting. I got the fuck out of the house, but left my kids inside. Then I was giving myself a ton of shit, because who the fuck runs away from gunfire but leaves their fucking kids there? When it happened again, I took off without the kids again, but this time, I went back for them. End of dream.

The second one, was here, but it was different, with lots of hillbilly-ish houses in the woods behind us, including the abode of Butthead�s mom, Shauna. Shauna was found dead in the woods and Butthead was pissed. Now I was officially Butthead�s mom. Anyway, it seemed like forever before the cops were called. I told Hub the cops eventually would be questioning him since he could be a suspect, even though I was pretty sure her current husband killed her. Then we took a walk to the scene, and there were cops and crime scene tape everywhere, the crime scene van was there, and all I could think was, �Why the fuck do I always forget my camera?!?�. And all through the dream, I kept thinking, �Holy fuck is this going to make a great update in my diary!�

Wacky, I know. In real life, I would not have forgotten my camera. I�d also be pitching a fit because it would mean I�d have to be Hilda�s mom, too. And I�d be all like, �Why couldn�t it have been The Douchebag?�

Anyway. Friday we went to the park with Dick for the big reunion. He hasn�t seen the kids since 2002. Minnie recognized him right away. Mickey kind of did, too, surprisingly. I took some pictures. I especially tried to get some of Dick and Mickey next to each other, because I think Mickey looks a lot like him. Here�s one:

And, �The ice cream man is coming! The ice cream man is coming!�

And being that I am a total retard, I had a blast with naming those pics, check out the properties. And there are more pics up at Flickr, too.

So, all in all, it wasn�t too bad. The kids had a blast with him. He told them they were lucky because they have two daddies (this is a most shocking statement if you know anything about Dick and his jealousy and control issues). Mickey looked at Minnie at one point and said, �Corinne, he�s my daddy and your�s too, right?�. And it was very cute, and at least now he too knows Dick is his daddy, too. And it wasn�t as confusing for him as I thought it would be.

He wasn�t critical of them or me at all. He didn�t re-hash what happened five years ago. Of course, he�s just broken up with that Lorri chick and has a new heartbreak to deal with. And everything with me and the kids is new again, so I do fully expect him to go back to his old ways soon enough. Just in case I sound like I�m romanticizing everything and not keeping my eyes open cuz I am. I�ve known Dick for eight years now, I know what to expect with him. Expect the unexpected.

I kept looking at him and thinking, �Damn, I was in love with this guy?�. How much eight years will change a person. I remember how much I wanted him, all the time, even at the end. He was good in bed. Not too mention that dick of his. Damn. We�d be hanging out with our friends, in the middle of the afternoon, and leave just to go fuck for a while. It was crazy. Now, I couldn�t have sex with him again. I mean even if I was divorced and he was like kinda normal.

I�ve always kind of regretted my relationship with him, because of all the problems he caused, and how miserable I became, blah, blah, blah, but if it weren�t for that, I wouldn�t have those two babies. And they make everything worth it, that�s for sure.

But I wouldn�t do it again. Being with Dick was hell. I couldn�t do anything. If Hub were Dick, I would not have gone to the park with him for three hours. I mean, of course I could have, but I�d have been subjected to hours and hours of bullshit for it.

The jealousy was the worst. Never, ever again will I be involved with a jealous man. I know all the signs now, because I remember they were all there from the beginning with him. Then there was the fact that he was so critical of me with Minnie as a baby. He took overprotective to a new level. Even after we split up, he was nutty with it.

OMG, I don�t remember if I�ve ever written about this one before. When Minnie was two, and Mickey was still a baby, Minnie suddenly had this big lump on the back of her head, near the nape of her neck. All Dick could think of was the worst, so he was all big on me taking her to the doctor, ASAFP. I made the appointment and he insisted that he go too.
He even said something dramatic (as is his style) like, �I will walk her to the doctors on my back if I have to� and I was like, you know, why? Since I had a car and all.

Anyway, so yeah, he had to come to the doctor�s for this appointment to make sure I did everything right. Turns out, Minnie�d had a bug bite on her head near the lump that had become infected, and the lump was merely a lymph node that had taken in the infection and swollen up. That�s it. No cancer, no brain tumor, like Dick thought.

But, see, the thing you need to know while reading that is, six months prior, I had a little baby that had two hospitalizations far away, one for 5 days after his diagnosis of a congenital heart defect, one for 6 days for his open heart surgery, and Dick was not involved in either. He was welcome to come for the surgery, I�d invited him, but he insisted he had to work instead.

So, a few weeks after the lymph node thing, I told the pediatrician, Linda, who wasn�t who we�d seen for the lymph node thing, about him being there, and she didn�t believe it. I briefly told the story, and said, �Yeah, so, open heart surgery on a six week old, I can handle that. A bump on the head of a two year old, evidently I am not equipped to handle�. She remarked, �And I can see that you might be a little bitter about that�.

Yeah. A little.

Anyway. This is long enough. My dad is due over in about half an hour, and I�d like to get high before he shows up.

Ciao! =)

Listening to: "Tonight, Tonight" Phil Collins? Or Genesis? Sounds liek ti's time to put it back on FNX.

Currently reading: "Stalker" Faye Kellerman.

Thinking about: Mari-mari-juana! I like marijuana, you like marijuana, we like marijuana!