"Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode."
I swear, today will be the day that I get off this computer at a reasonable time so that I can actually deal with stuff around here, like kids and shit.
I�m wearing a tank top today on account of the fact that it is going to be gorgeous and warm, and because I�m all set with the farmer�s tan (one arm, mind you) that I�ve got going. I considered a tube top, but you know, I just can�t pull that shit off. Not with kids grabbing at me and shit. That�d be funny, the kids going home and telling mom they saw Jackie�s boobs today.
And I�ve got the full load today, complete with Bobby and Cindy. They are awful children, in case I�ve never mentioned that before. I am quite thankful that the weather has been absolutely gorgeous on Wednesdays and Thursdays the past few weeks and they have only had to set foot in my house to go to the bathroom. The four hours they are here on those days are the longest of my whole week. I don�t know how their parents can live with that shit all the time, I really don�t. I find that kids tend to act the crappiest for their parents, and if they�re as crappy as they are for me, I can only imagine how crappy they are with their parents.
I caught a bit of �Daddy Daycare� the other day, and it happened to be a scene where this kid, who looked to be between 5 and 7, fucking HITS Eddie Murphy. No kid has ever done that to me, not even my own. I don�t know exactly know what I did if some other person�s kid hit me, but I think it would involve me not watching that kid anymore. Hitting him back would feel good for like a second, but doesn�t really accomplish anything. I don�t get that approach anyway, �You don�t hit!� *whack*. Yey, way to set an example.
Last night, after a few beers, Hub coming home with tension so thick it could be cut with a knife, and facing the reality that we have no pot, I watched �Animal House� (thanks, Bl0ckbuster 0nline!). Right in the middle, who calls at 9:00? My friend Smokey, he wanted to come over and smoke a blunt with us. Uh, yeah! And holy moley, this shit was right out of �High Times� magazine. I was damn tore up after that. He left me a little, too, for the Bobby and Cindy show today. =)
Hub has three guys working for him right now. Ned, who just came back after his little getting beaten up episode, this guy Zack and a new guy (who Hub said at first was named �Josh�, but then changed to �Simon�, and finally, the nickname he really goes by, �Smitty�. Names just are not important details to Hub!). Oh and Butthead too. But anyway, these are really more guys than we can afford, but he NEEDS them. Now, Zack is a good worker. He busts his ass. But, last Tuesday and yesterday, he couldn�t make it to work, and his excuse was kinda lame (had to babysit his niece). Now, Hub gave him another dollar an hour effective this week because the kid is a good worker, and that was fine with me.
Then Hub�s guy that he gets materials from, Tim, tells him he�s got a girl that wants to work, she comes highly recommended, and she has a car. But we can�t afford anyone else right now. So Hub wants to let Zack go and hire this chick. I want to talk him out of it, but he won�t listen to me. He just kept going on and on about the girl has a car, Zack doesn�t, yada yada yada�and I was trying to say, �You just gave him a raise and now you want to let him go?� but he just kept talking over me, �SHE HAS A CAR, I WON�T HAVE TO GO PICK UP ZACK, HE�S MISSING TOO MUCH WORK, YAK YAK YAK�. This was one the phone, and had started out as a pretty decent conversation between us for a change. I wasn�t all attitude with him, I just wanted to talk some sense into him, but he wouldn�t stop. So I just hung up. He didn�t even call back. I�ll bet he didn�t even notice that I hung up for like 5 minutes.
He keeps claiming, �I know how to run a business!� when nothing could be further from the truth. He can�t even run a checking account. I do not claim to be an expert on running a business, but I know more than him. His complete and total lack of judgment has me scared shitless, honestly. It would be great if I could get a restraining order preventing him from being able to make any decisions about anything to do with the business, because I fear that strong-arm tactics are my only defense against Chief Black Cloud.
He talked to the accountant yesterday too, about the tax return situation. This is what he said, pretty much verbatim: �Roger says they have 7 more days to fix this, he told them last week they had 10 days, and now it�s been 3 days, so they have 7 more days to fix it, he talked to someone yesterday in Boston and they said they are going to fix and they have 7 more days, or he�s going to go to the Taxpayer person down there, they have 7 days�. It reminded me so much of Milton from �Office Space�:
�And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... �
Talking a whole bunch of fucking nothing. ��and I could see the squirrels, and they were married�� . That part cracks me up.
Butthead, I think I�ve mentioned, has been a disrespectful little shit to me lately too. To the point where I avoid being around him at all costs because I�m going to go off on him if I don�t. I call downstairs to him in the morning to make sure he�s up, and he ignores me. He took a huge shit in the downstairs bathroom yesterday, it was so huge it wouldn�t go down the toilet, and he left it there. You should have seen this fucking log. That kid could take a huge cock up the ass with no problem whatsoever. Anyway, he wouldn�t fucking flush it and then he lied about it being his. Like one of the little kids could squeeze one out that big, and Beavis would have readily admitted a shit like that, I mean, it�s the kind that you go and show people because it�s so damn big. So Beavis got a stick and broke it up, because I refused to.
So, I was pissed at him for that and the general disrespect lately, and what does he do? Asks me if he can take the van to the movies with his girlie girl. YAH RIGHT! I looked at him like he had a dick on his forehead. Like, when the fuck did you start smoking crack? Sorry if your car is busted yet again, but don�t think that you can go around treating me like a bitch and then think I�m going to go out of my way for you and let you take my vehicle to the �movies� on a Tuesday night. Douchebag.
Oh yeah, I went to the store yesterday to buy a six pack. He kid at the counter said, �Do you have any ID� and I got excited like I usually do when I get carded and said, �Of course I do!�. He said, �That�s what I like to hear� and I said, �Not as much as I like to hear �Do you have any ID�!!!�. I�ll be 35 in less than six months, and I still get carded for beer. I love that shit.
Okay, I gotta get moving now. It�s almost NOT a reasonable time to be off the computer.
Ciao!