Hi, my name is Jackie and I'm a very bad mommy.
Second entry today.
Just to tell everyone what a bad mom I am.
I took the kids for a quick trip to WallyWorld right before lunchtime. Minnie, Mickey, Makayla and Colin. We needed some stuff. A window fan for Hub�s and my room. A new cordless phone as our�s has gone all wonky and shit. A pre-paid cell phone for assmunch Butthead, who has disappeared today on the job and Hub has no way of getting in touch with his dumb ass. Oh and I picked up two big bags of popcorn from the snack bar because they are only a dollar each and yummy, and a bag of baked Lay�s tortilla chips because I�m TRYING to be good with the eating but I�ve been craving tortilla chips and salsa like crazy lately.
Anyway. We were in the electronics department. Colin safely belted in the seat on the cart, the rest of them talking on the cordless phones while I looked at them and the pre-paid cell phones.
Well, they keep those pre-paid cell phones locked up, dontchaknow. So, I wheeled the cart over to the electronics department register and told the girl there I needed one of the cell phones. Meanwhile, Mickey, Minnie and Makayla started playing video games on the GameBoxStations or whatever they are. And there was one lady who was looking at the digital cameras right near the phones who had her cart blocking the whole fucking way who I had to ask not once but twice to move so that I could wheel my cart through. So, I took Colin out of the cart, told the kids to come with me, left the cart by the register and followed the girl around the corner to the phones.
The girls came with. I assumed Mickey did too. We got the phone, and the girl was asking if I knew how it worked, yada yada yada. Then Minnie and Makayla started saying, �Mickey�s lost! Mickey�s lost� and I�m all like, yeah, lost in the electronics department, sure. But I called for him and he wasn�t there, and another employee said, �The little boy? He went running THAT way, yelling and crying�. So, off we went.
Calling his name, and everybody saw him, the poor little boy running through the store and screaming for Mommy, and they were all saying, �He went THAT way!�.
We got all the way to the front of the store this way. All these people in a panic and telling me where he went. To the front door, and the greeting guy said, �He just went running out of the store!�. All the time yelling his name. Finally, we found him, in the parking lot. A few employees had stopped him. If they hadn�t, he�d have made it all the way to the van. Which I park way the fuck away from the store because that�s a Weight Watchers trick.
Anyway, I finally got to him, I mean this all happened in what? Less than a minute? And he was all upset, and one employee was crouched down talking to him and he saw me and came running to me, and I picked him up so I was holding both him and Colin and squeezed him and kissed him and thanked the employees for stopping him.
I knew I�d find him. I wasn�t worried about losing him. I was worried about how scared he was, he had to have been frightened to death when he couldn�t find me. Poor little guy. I was also kinda worried about him getting hit by a fucking car, as that WallyWorld is popular with the Massholes (hi, Carlie! )and it�s a crazy parking lot.
And as always, I was very calm. I don�t know how I do it, but when something really BIG goes wrong, I�m very calm while it�s happening. Yeah, my kid could lose a limb and I�d be chill through the ordeal, but will freak out if they do something irritating like, I don�t know, spill their drink.
Anyway, when I was walking back into the store, all the same people were staring at me. And I could read their minds. �There�s the lady who doesn�t watch her kid!� �SHE lost her kid!� �She�s a BAD MOM!�.
Well, whatever. It was a prime opportunity to explain the whole �if you ever get lost, stay put� lesson. And Minnie couldn�t stop kissing him and telling him she loves him. Well, at least until she found it was a good thing to pick on him about. (�Mickey, did you see all the underwear when you were running out?�).
Okay. Enough. We�re heading out to Robinson Pond. Capisce? (Is that right this time?)
Bye.