I'm going to check out of this bourgeois motel, push myself from the dinner table and say, "No more Jell-o for me, mom!"
Okay. So. What�s new?
Hub and I getting along better, somewhat, but I�m not any happier.
We decided to let one person go, that is, in addition to the kid he hired last week, so he chose Ned. It was a decision that really made sense, as far as why we picked HIM, but I�ve been having a tough time with it since we let him know last week. I feel awful about it. He came over a little while ago to get his last check and I wanted to say �I�m really sorry� but I couldn�t even say that. I just don�t ever know what to say to him that I just don�t say anything. But I knew I wanted to tell him that at least I�m sorry about it, and I couldn�t even do that. But I have basically been in tears over that, and other stuff, all morning.
I�m totally hating myself about everything right now, don�t mind me.
The whole business thing. (It�s a landscaping business, btw, Gump). I am just not digging it right now one bit. Hub managed to bring in some more money and he drew up some bills that he needed to do, so I had money to pay the insurance at least. He thinks he can pull this off with the two employees, so we�ll see. I have no faith in it anymore. I have no idea what the fuck I�m doing, and my husband has no clue about running a business, either.
He came home Saturday night and we were not getting along at all and he was slamming all over the place and acting like a major dick and I finally said that I couldn�t live with that kind of shit. So he cooled down. I�m not totally blameless in any of this mess either. I�ll be the first to admit it.
Anyway, yesterday was very busy. He took Hilda and Daisy to work with him and I took the kids to church to meet Dick. Except not. Because he didn�t show up, for the third fucking time in a row, even though we spoke on Saturday (you know, the day before) and he said he�d meet us there. Anyway, he did call to say he wasn�t coming, only that was at 9:30, when I�d been there since 9:15. Thanks.
So, I just took the kids to Wally World with me and that made them happy. I got Minnie some hair-ties with a �free watch!� and Mickey some Batman bubble bath and they were all set. I mean fuck it nothing�s been going my way so why should I expect that I could have actually had a kid-free hour or two? Silly Jackie.
Then we came home and I made a big lunch, in exchange for the fact that there was no way I�d be able to cook supper later. And then we left to drop Beavis off at camp on Mount Monadnock.
Last year we drove with everybody else, meeting in town and then driving to camp from there, stopping at McDonald�s in Jaffrey (I think, maybe Peterborough) along the way. What a pain in the ass that was. I hate waiting around for a shitload of people. And that Boy Scout troop? DAWDLERS. �Let�s stand around forever for no reason�. Drives me nuts. So they said we could just meet at the campsite and I opted for that this year.
I love the southwestern part of the state, particularly Peterborough, so much. It�s got this old feel to it and I just love it. I wanted to take pictures but I didn�t get any of the drive. I had stress case Beavis counting down the fucking minutes. What a pain in the ass. I thought, �you�re in a stressed out hurry to go sit around for an hour�.
And guess what? I was right. We got there at 2:00, they weren�t due to check in until 3:00.
Anyway, I left at 2:45 and Minnie, Mickey and I met my dad at a town beach in Greenfield to go swimming. I didn�t go in. But the kids did. I wasn�t much up for visiting with my dad, or anyone for that matter, on account of the fact that people want to talk, and I�m just not up for it lately. But I drank a big can of diet �Rockstar!� (Party like a rockstar!) energy drink and that at least helped me out.
Then, we left there, headed home so the kids could take showers and be ready to meet Dick to go see �The Fantastic Four�. So, actually, I almost had a few kid-free hours except when I got home after dropping them off, Daisy was here. So it wasn�t really kid -free, but kind of cuz she just sat and watched a movie and was pretty quiet.
Anyway, then Hub called Ned and let him go. I can�t even say how bad I feel about it. But really, he�s had like at least one, but usually two, no-calls, no-shows a week, or he has to miss work for court, and he acts like a dink to the guys, bumming cigarettes and money and food everyday and not returning the favor, ever, and pissing off customers. Oh and bitching about having to do things, like pick weeds, and then instead going over and playing with his cell phone. I know these things but yet I still feel bad for leaving Ned out of a job. I mean, really, really bad.
So, I�m up and I�m down. Typical for PMS, but throwing in all this other bullshit makes it all the more worse.
And, you know, generally I am �pro-dump the motherfucker� (btw grrl-blog can you send me your p-word info? Love to start reading again. Email me dukkha-tanha AT diary land DOT com. Thanks!), but as I�ve said before, easier said than done. At least for me. Blah blah blahdie blah. Horseshit, me, I say.
Anyway, I�m going to end this now. Looks like it�s going to rain, in which case, Hub has promised he�d be home if it does. Golly gee!
I�ll be alright.
Ciao.