Dubbelyoo-tea-eff!!!
Well it�s about damn time I updated. Sheesh.
Anyway, we had a grand old time. We actually got back Sunday night, but I was way too busy yesterday to update. The only access I allowed myself to the internet at all was to check my bank account. Otherwise, I did not come anywhere near dland or anything remotely like it until after 7:00 last night.
Yeah, I didn�t stay in the room with the computer after all. Even if I had? I wouldn�t have gotten on to update. I was too busy laying around and being a big lazy piece of shit. Gotta love it. Actually, I wasn�t that bad, but we really didn�t do much.
Friday night we hit the bar and got DAMN TORE UP. And, I finally bumped into one of the folks I knew back when I lived there. I never do when we go back. And of course, it wasn�t just any random pal I had out there. Nope. It had to be the first guy that I met out there, the guy who tried to get into my pants for the entire two and a half years that I lived there. Yes, he finally did about a month or so before I moved back here. I had actually seen him back in 1996 when I visited, and funny too because he tried to hook up with me then too! Anyway. He�s married now, two kids, owns a house in the same town he grew up in, like two streets over from where he grew up. I Introduced him to Hub, that was interesting.
Aside from that, probably the most Interesting event I have to report happened to us on the drive there. What a fucking story that turned out to be, although at the time it sucked royally. The suckiest suck EVER, I swear.
Allow me to begin by stating that the gas gauge on the Chevy Venture POS Edition is all kinds of fucked up. It shows as either full or empty, no in between. Fixing it, according to Hub�s bro-in-law, the pseudo hack mechanic, will likely cost about $1000. So, fuck that. I just fill up roughly the same time every week and It�s worked out for the past couple of years. I�m used to Mickey Mouse shit.
Anyway, so we were cruising right along, looking for a gas station. Bear in mind that a great deal of the ride is going right through East Bumblefuck New York. That state Is not all like NYC. Nope, that ride takes us straight through the middle of nowhere. And, also, Hub drove most of the way, much to my chagrin. Because, he missed so many exits it wasn�t funny. If I happened to look away for a second, he�d miss it, despite me saying �we need to take such and such exit coming up�. It was irritating to say the least. Plus he drives like shit. But that�s another story for another time, I guess.
Now, out in Podunk Buttfuck NY, getting to a gas station usually requires driving into town. Fine. So, we saw signs for a Qwik Fill, so Hub took the exit. Something was up with the kids in the back, so I turned around to deal with them, and when I turned back around, we�re on another fucking highway. Dubbelyoo-tea-eff! I was so annoyed with Hub that I was just like, fuck the gas right now, just get us back to Route 17/Future 86 and we�ll go to the next exit.
Brilliant fucking plan. Except not. We were on this high elevation part of the road about 15 minutes later, and the service engine light goes on and that was it, out of gas. It was about 4:00 pm. It was cold. And we were in the middle of nowhere. And, we stopped on the side of the highway (which Is a major fear of mine, stopping on the side of the highway and getting offed by a dumbass drunk driver. Don�t laugh, I�ve seen it happen), on the high elevation, and next to me? Past the poor excuse for a guard rail? It just went down. Down, down, down.
Adding to the complete suckage of the incident, is that both of our cell phones had no service where we were. Go, Nextel! Whoo! And my On-Star? Also, no service. Even if we had service? I had no I-fucking-dea where in the hell we were! The last sign I could remember seeing was for Arkport, roughly ten minutes before. So all that extra money I give to those bastards at Progressive for roadside service was not going to be coming in handy when we needed it most.
So, my additional brilliant plan was to sit and wait for a state trooper to cruise by. I see them all the time on that drive. So. We waited. Nothing. No troopers. And the van was getting cold and the windows were frosting up. And Minnie was crying. I wanted to cry, I really did. I was so damn scared. But, I had to be cool for the kids. Nothing�ll make ya freak out more than the sight of your mom freaking out. So I held it.
Hub couldn�t take it anymore after about 10 minutes and wanted to head out by himself for gas. Beavis was all willing to go, but Hub asked him to stay with us.
No sooner was he out of the van, I mean he walked maybe 50 feet, and a car pulled over. From where I was, I couldn�t see who was in the car. I couldn�t make out the plates. And the next thing you know, Hub hops in the car and drives off.
Which, Is either going to be a really good thing or a really bad thing. Good thing, he comes back with gas. Bad thing, he ends up hacked up and buried under someone�s front porch. And, of course, I have no way of knowing what way this is going to go.
So, I remained calm despite the fact that I kinda had some shit on my mind. I mean, aside from worrying If my husband got into a car with a serial killer, I was stuck in the car on the side of the road with my kids in a situation that I had no control of whatsoever. I kept watching my rearview mirror for one of three things: 1) For Hub to return. 2) For the cops and 3) for the drunk driver that was going to ram into us and knock us down the side of the road, thereby plunging to our deaths.
Half an hour I sat like that. Grinding my teeth right away the whole time. Finally, Hub came back! And that turns into another story in itself.
A woman picked him up. A woman in her 40�s with her 12, 13 year old daughter. Who does that? Who cares, this woman was a SAINT. I swear, God sent her. The woman told Hub her life story, which amazingly, he remembered ALL the details of. She�d had a bunch of deaths of people close to her in the past few years, most notably her son�s girlfriend who was murdered by drug dealers who had mistaken her for someone else, a girl they knew had narced them out or something.
So. This woman took Hub to her mom�s, who knows all the guys who work for the town (West Almond, we were in West Almond, NY, which Is a major Podunk small town kinda place) because her husband, who had died recently, had worked for the town all his life. So, she called up to the town barn to see if we could get some gas from there and they said sure. Mom gave them a gas can and they were off to the town barn. The guy working there wouldn�t take money for the gas.
Then ,they headed back to us. I was so fucking happy. Then, the woman led us to the next gas station, which was a good fifteen minute ride away.
Once Hub showed up, relief washed right through me, but I still had to let out all the stress that I had been under and suppressed for the whole time. By the time we got to the gas station, I was in tears. I know I�m a fucking baby but that was goddamned scary as all hell for me!
I hopped right out and thanked the woman. I tried to give her money for her time and trouble but she wanted no part of it. Seriously? She�s some kind of guardian angel or something. Personally, I�d never stop for anyone on the side of the road especially if I had my kids with me. But thank God that she stopped for us. Thank God and thank her, is all I can say.
Okay and? That was the second time in my whole life that I�ve run out of gas. The first time, was at the gas station like 10 feet from the pump. That was story in itself, and I think I�ve told it here before. I had to call Hub to help me push the van because the guy working at the gas station couldn�t on account of the fact that he was the only one there. So, Hub couldn�t push the van, even with the help of the poor sap he�d enlisted, so he pushed it with his truck, which had a plow on it. Dented the back of the van right up. Nice.
So, the moral of the story is: don�t run out of gas. Don�t. It�s no fun at all. Especially in Podunk.
I had this mad crazy insane dream last night. I know, dream logs are boring as all fuck, so I�ll make it quick. I can�t tell anyone I know in real life because they�ll think I�m sick. You people already know that I�m sick. Maybe not as sick as I was in the dream, but still. In this dream, I had slept with one of my cousins. At least I picked the best looking one. Not that I would in real life, because, well, incest. Anyway, word had gotten out in the family somehow that two of the cousins had slept together but no one knew exactly who. Then, we were at Christmas dinner, and everyone was speculating, and they all guessed that it was me and Cousin X. And I was like, �What the hell, am I like The Girl Most likely To Sleep with Family Members?�.
It was just odd, is all. Why? Why would I dream that? I know the Christmas thing is because I just got word of the Christmas plans yesterday, but still? I like Cousin X a lot but not THAT much.
Anyway. I�m planning on locking back up Friday, so if you haven�t kept your passwords, or don�t have them yet, send me an email. Dukkha-tanha[AT]diaryland[DOT]com. I know I have lots of new folks listing me as a favorite, so don�t be afraid to ask. I know who you are, and besides? I�ve never refused to give out the password.
That�s that. I must get going now, yo.
Jackie out.