"As we sit here and idly chat, there are women, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are making money from that." "Is this a great country or what?"
Okay, as promised, my next update! Yay!
I have my list from the last entry too. Where to start!
The movie �Night Shift� with Michael Keaton and Henry Winkler AKA Fonzie. I loved that movie when I was a kid. I love it now, too, when I catch it. *LOVE BROKERS*! See, if you haven�t seen it, you just can�t get why *LOVE BROKERS*! Just cracks my ass up. Also, if you haven�t seen it, this makes me wonder how you live.
Anyway, Michael Keaton�s character Bill Blazejowski is an �idea man� (�I'm an idea man, Chuck, I get ideas, sometimes I get so many ideas that I can't even fight them off! �) who gets a job working the night shift at the city morgue with Henry Winkler�s character Chuck. Bill has this little tape recorder that he�s always using to record his ideas. Like, �Hold the phone, hold the phone! Edible paper! You eat it, it's gone... you eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!� and � Wait a minute! Why don't they just mix the mayonnaise with the tuna in the can... HOLD THE PHONE! Why don't they just FEED the tuna fish mayonnaise! [speaks into tape recorder] Call Starkist!�.
Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, they meet up with this hooker who�s pimp is doing her wrong, and Bill Blaze gets this idea to become pimps and work out of the morgue. They treat the girls well and make tons of money and meanwhile Chuck, who�s kind of a nervous wreck, his life starts to fall apart.
And he gets pissed at Bill at one point and takes his tape recorder and says, �This is Chuck to remind Bill to SHUT UP!� (and then Bill hides in one of those body drawers and plays it over and over). That�s the quote I was looking for the other day (I find myself replacing �Chuck� with �Jackie� and �Bill� with �Hub� and thinking that quote a lot) and ended up with *LOVE BROKERS*! stuck in my head.
Hee hee, another funny part of the movie: �PROSTITUTION! But what does that mean really? Let's break up the word. First there's Pros... well, that doesn't mean anything really... then there's Tit... we all know what that means... and then there's shun to shun is to say No! To push it away! To shun something is, well... it really doesn't belong in this word at all, really�.
Yeah, so. Michael Keaton was my favorite actor for a long time and it started with that movie. I still think his Batman was the best one.
GG Allin . That link will take you to Wikipedia, if you�re curious after reading this bit. Anyway. GG Allin, for those who don�t know (which I think is just about everybody except, of course, Smed) was an �extreme punk rocker�. He was from the NH/Vermont area. I remember him first from the early days of the Jerry Springer show, and then shortly after I�d seen him on there, and shortly after he died (1993), Smokey brought the documentary about GG, �Hated: GG Allin And The Murder Junkies� over to watch.
Well. The shit they couldn�t show on Springer. Literally, shit. This guy would take mad laxatives before a show and shit onstage, cut himself up and be covered with blood and shit, it was the most disgusting thing I�d ever seen. I was fucking horrified. I only watched it that once and that was enough for me.
So, Smokey came over one day about a month or so ago, and mentioned GG Allin. I had to think for a minute as I hadn�t heard that name since 1993. He�s got this new girlfriend, Sara (okay, so she�s been around since June and they�re living together now), who�s kinda young, just 20. Sara asked Smokey if he�d ever heard of GG Allin and Smokey was all, �Oh yeah, I got the video and CDs of his�. Then Sara says, �He�s my friend Nico�s dad�.
Holy crap and cut the shit. If you read the wikipedia link, she�s mentioned. Too funny.
So, Sara has this friend that Smokey hates, I don�t even know her so let�s call her �Crack-Ho�. Evidently, one of the problems Smokey has with her is her crack habit. So, more recently, Smokey saw Crack-Ho and her mom somewhere and they wanted to borrow the GG video. He said no. Number one cuz he hates her, number two cuz he�s held on to this video for thirteen friggin years and he�s not about to lose to now to some crack heads.
I guess they argued with him for 50 minutes that day about why he should let them borrow it. My favorite argument of their�s was that Nico is their friend and they care about her. And watching a video about her really twisted dead daddy is going to do what?
He was telling me the story the other day. Anyway, we know that one of my issues lately has been that people ask a lot of me and I have started saying NO for a change. And the whole story pissed me off because no means no and what the fuck is wrong with people who can�t take no for an answer?
Which brings us to my dumb ass, no good, pathetic excuse for a human being, current guest of the state of NH, brother, Ned. You might remember that shortly before Christmas Ned wrote me a letter and asked if I could say that he had a job with the business so he could get out of jail three months early. It didn�t matter if we didn�t have a job for him, if we would just tell the jail that he does that�d be great and would really help him out, thanks!
Which, um, NO. I was going to write him back this big letter, but decided fuck it. Last week I finally wrote him back, short and sweet, nope, not gonna do it, not gonna take the risk. And then I told him to cut the shit and get it together for himself and his kid.
Well. The same day that Smokey was over telling me his story about the annoying crackhead and her mom and the attempted GG video grab, I got a response in letter form from Ned.
Seems as though he didn�t like my answer! And then it was two pages of why I have to do this for him. He is clearly under some fucking hefty false sense of reality. For one, I guess �everyone� does this. Plenty of companies do this! All that happens is that the jail will call and verify once, that�s It! They can�t possibly keep track of all the inmates once they leave, so they don�t. �There is NO risk�. Besides, an extra three months in there isn�t going to make ANY difference in his life. Oh, and Jaegan is expecting him out in May, what�s he supposed to tell him when he�s not?
Oh and then a whole explanation of how why he�s in there right now is to no fault of his own, it was the big bad judge who got mad at him for not following his orders exactly. He wasn�t going to pay for some LADAC evaluation and that�s that. Pesky judges, expecting people to follow their orders and then after, oh, say, seven years of a certain someone not following said orders, they *finally* give a huge sentence of ten months.
Here�s a great quote: �I do not want to be even more bitter towards this state than I already am. This place is not a good place to think about life�.
This letter is just such a fine example of the warped nature of his thinking. Way to take absolutely zero responsibility for yourself. I let Beavis read it. You know Beavis, the 14 year old? Yeah, his response to the letter was so much more mature than the person who wrote it. (And Beavis has been on my shit list lately, he is such a fucking pain in the ass and it�s not just the health shit but the extreme emotional maintenance that goes along with him). He was like, �Mom, doesn�t he see that you have four kids and a husband to be responsible for?�.
I told him, This is Ned. Ned thinks, �So what if you lose your job/family/home? You can get another one�. Beavis just stared at me, all �WTF is up with that?�.
Basically, my response is going to be this:
�Ned,
NO. I am not willing to do this for you. If it means you hate me forever, then so be it. I�m sorry, but I have some respect for the law and don�t wish to get into trouble with it. It�s not my fault that you�re there, and I won�t be quilted into thinking that it�s my responsibility to get you out. If there are so many companies that do that for people, then find one of them
Jackie�
So there. Fucker. The only good thing he�s ever done is to teach me how not to raise my kids. And that wasn�t even him, that was my dad and grandmother.
I�m kind of excited to go out for a few hours and watch the Superbowl. I didn�t realize it was a BIG Superbowl this year. �XL�. Every time I see that, all I can think is �SUPERBOWL-EXTRA LARGE�. Super size me! Anyway, we are going to the club (that Hub is finally a member of) to watch. I just need to go out. Knowing that J of the sexy eyes is going to be there is also pretty motivating. At least there will be eye candy for me. And free food! And cheap drinks! For $1.25 for a bottled beer, it�s like drinking in Jamestown (NY).
Anyway. I�m rooting for the Steelers. I was told to, so I am. I�m not fucking wearing yellow and black, though.
Have a wonderful fucking weekend.
(Oh shit. I almost forgot. Funny local news that I got a kick out of:
Wife accused in husband's holdup
ANDREW WOLFE
Telegraph Staff
NASHUA - A city woman set up her husband to be robbed in their own home because she was mad that he wouldn't give her money, according to police reports filed in Nashua District Court. Beth Ortiz, 35, was arrested Friday, charged with conspiring with two city men who broke into her C Street apartment and took $2,519 in cash from her husband, court records show.
Police arrested Ortiz and the two men Friday, and are still looking for a fourth accomplice, whom they declined to identify. Beth Ortiz and the accomplice at large are charged with conspiracy to burglary, police said.
Raymond Alleyne, 22, of 19A Bridge St., and Anthony Perkins, 20, of 38 1/2 W. Hollis St., both face a felony burglary charge, punishable by up to 7 1/2 to 15 years in prison. Perkins also is charged with simple assault, accused of punching Ortiz's husband, Valente Ortiz, 28, in the head during the burglary.
Valente Ortiz called police at about 5:30 a.m. Friday, while the three men were still inside his apartment, police reported, but the suspects had fled when police got there.
Ortiz told police he had left his apartment door unlocked when he went to bed that night, as his wife had left their home after an argument and he expected she'd come back.
Instead, he told police, he awoke to find two strange men confronting him, asking about someone named Kristen, police reported.
One of the men punched Ortiz, knocking him onto his bed, and the two men then rifled through his pants, taking cash from his wallet and pocket, he told police.
Ortiz described the men, and told police they had run off toward Bridge Street. He also suggested the incident might be related to his wife's drug use, police reported, and told officers that she frequented an apartment on Bridge Street where she used drugs.
Police found Beth Ortiz, Alleyne and Perkins, who initially gave a different name, at 19A Bridge St., they reported, and Valente Ortiz later identified Alleyne and Perkins as the men who robbed him.
Beth Ortiz was visibly upset and crying, police reported, and she told police Alleyne had threatened to kill her if she told them anything. She denied any involvement at first, but later admitted that she'd suggested the burglary, police reported.
Beth Ortiz admitted that she told Alleyne and others that her husband had cash, and where he kept it, and that their apartment would be unlocked, police reported. She never told the men how much money her husband had, however, and when they returned, she was disappointed that they gave her only $100, police reported.
Perkins was among six young men charged in connection with another home invasion in October 2002, court records show. He later pleaded guilty to being involved as an accomplice, and was given a suspended prison sentence.
Copyright, 2006, The Telegraph, Nashua, N.H. All Rights Reserved.)
What a fucking retard. The best part, I think, is that the guys only gave her $100. Her name�s been in the paper a bunch for thefts and shit. Can you say CRACKHEAD!
I�m really out now!
Listening to: Cake. "Never there" Currently reading: "Solomon Vs. Lord" Paul Levine (Thanks again, Anneliese!). Thinking about: Getting these little fuckers a snack.