"I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and *now* I'm throwing it at your body".
Well, I�m in a pissy mood so what better time to update here? Hub finally just left with Mickey, and I�ll be heading out shortly to buy Minnie her birthday present (she�ll be 7 on Saturday), which we totally can�t fucking afford but it�s her *birthday*. I�m buying her a bike, a 16� (I think? Her current one is 12�? I used to know this shit when I worked at Toys R Us, but it�s been over a decade. Those brain cells are history), since she�s long overdue for a bigger one. So, $100, see ya later.
I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF BEING FUCKING POOR. Just so you know. There�s a tentative storm maybe maybe maybe on Sunday and I�m really hoping we get fucking buried. Otherwise, I will be taking that trip down to DHHS and I so do not want to do that.
Last night was Alvirne High School�s Parent Night for incoming 9th graders. And I went. What a fucking nightmare. I could have skipped it and still lived a long, fulfilling life, but if I blow off any more of Beavis�s school shit I think he might have a friggin aneurysm on me.
Let me just say, and I know this is wrong but fuck it, that I hate shit to do with the schools. And it�s not so much the school. Okay so maybe it is. Moreso, it�s the other parents. I fucking hate the other parents. The other parents need to die. And, they need to shut the fuck up. Plus, honestly, I just don�t know shit about education and I feel like a retard at conferences and shit. Especially after hearing the other parents and their thoughtful, inquisitive questions.
That, and I have serious issues with being around big crowds of people that I don�t know. When I�m sober. If I have a good buzz, or even a little one, I�m a bit more relaxed and sociable. But sober? Forget it.
I felt like I was back in school again. And I was the new kid. It seemed like everybody know everybody there. Or at least knew a few people. And went with the other parent. Or a friend. I was there alone. And I hated it. Seriously, if I had had a gun, I�d have blown my fucking head off. �Jackie spoke in class today��.
So, the paper they sent home said it was in the gymnasium. Which, I was not thrilled about because it�s always so fucking hot in the gym. Well, at least at the elementary and middle schools. Not so much at Alvirne, I learned, so at least I didn�t get all sweaty. So I guess that�s a plus.
Anyway, so I got to the gym, and took a seat. Alone. Did I mention that? And then the principal gets up there, and some guidance counselors, and they were all �blah blah blah�, and I was struggling to pay attention, because it was boring as shit! And Don�t I sound like one of those students with a piss poor attitude? Oh yeah, I felt like I was 15 again at some stupid assembly or pep rally at school that I wanted out of.
Then they say that we�re going to break up into groups, and do rotations in different areas of the school for the different programs. Oh, gee! So, I get to like, change classes with the same people? Oh, hooray. I wanted to bolt right the fuck out of there right then.
But I stuck it out. I got to see the restaurant inside the school where Butthead takes culinary arts. And the band room! Which was cold as fuck! And the cafeteria.
The caf sucked the most. The rotations were 25 minutes long each. The caf was just where you sign up for an appointment with a guidance counselor to go over course selections, and then they had all the school clubs and organizations set up. It took me all of two minutes to sign up for an appointment, so I had 23 minutes to kill after that.
Like, I was going to cruise around and check out the clubs and shit and chat with the kids at the little tables they had set up like everyone else was. No thank you. What the fuck do you say? I have no questions. I�m not joining, and seeing as my kid is as unmotivated of a student as I was, I doubt he will too.
It was one big social gathering and all I did was lean on a post and watch the fucking clock. This is the point where I really wanted to kill myself. Or leave. It seemed like I was the only one who knew no one. And time was dragging, and I felt awful. I think I have a serious social anxiety disorder that keeps getting worse as I get older.
Anyway, to kill time I called home and talked to Hub, who seemed more interested in whatever the fuck he was watching on TV than to talk to me for two minutes. Now, it�s important to note that this was at roughly 8:15. I had told Hub, at least twice, plus I was talking to Debbie (Courtney next door�s mom) on the phone about it, since Courtney JUST told her about it yesterday, right in front of Hub, that it ended at 9:00. (Debbie didn�t end up going which would have been nice but like I said, she�d just found out about it and couldn�t make it).
So, I got off the phone so he could go watch his alarmist news broadcasts on Fox News and CNN (I hate those networks with a passion. Hate them! Remember all that shit in the 90�s about the �liberal media�? That had nothing to do with Fox or CNN, that�s for sure).
FINALLY, after fighting off tears at my misery (it was THAT bad, and had I found a bathroom, I�d have bawled my stupid eyes out), it was time for the final rotation back to the gym. Which, by that time, the group was about half of what we started with, as a lot of smart minded folks bailed.
But I stayed! I probably gave myself an ulcer, but I fucking stayed. For the whole thing. Yay, me.
Anyway, so what happens while the athletic director is going on and on about sports and shit that I highly doubt I�ll have to deal with, THANK FUCKING GOD? My fucking cell phone rings. WTF. I shut it off right away but of course the woman speaking had to make a comment, and who can blame her, right? Then the fucking voice mail ringer goes off. RRRRRRR.
That was at 8:43. After the assembly (face it, I�m 13, and that�s what it was) let out, I checked voice mail. OF COURSE it was Hub. Wanting to know what time I�d be home! WHAT. THE. FUCK. Could he have asked me that a half an hour before? Or just remembered from the two times I told him? Or, maybe, looked at the paper about it that I had left on the kitchen table? Or asked Beavis? Nope, he had to call me and make me look like an ass.
I suppose it was my fault too for not turning the ringer off, but still! WTF.
I am glad that I went cuz I did get some helpful info. I forgot a lot, too, but at least I know more of what to except ahead of time. I just do so hate school shit. I�m sure those teachers could tell just by looking at me that I was an unmotivated student with a piss poor attitude. But I wasn�t trying to look that way.
I also noticed that Hudson? Is like 98% white. 1% Asian and 1% Spanish and black. That�s it.
I spent a lot of time outside yesterday. Even though it was cold as fuck. I took my camera out, which I�ve been doing a lot the past week or so, and walked in the woods out back. Evidently, we have a lot of deer out there cuz there was mad crazy deer droppings all over the place. I say �we� and it�s not OUR property, or our landlord�s, but still.
Anyway, the fresh air and the sunlight have brought me up out of my funk a bit. A bit.
OMG and then Helen might have to have her name switched back to The Douchebag again. She�s starting to be a pain in the ass again. She doesn�t want Daisy to sleep over on Sunday nights anymore, she�s too tired when she comes home on Monday morning. She called yesterday, Daisy was crying and didn�t want to come over. Well, Hub was like, �She�s coming over�. And of course, child support is a couple of weeks behind because THERE�S NO FUCKING SNOW and therefore, no money, but she will get paid, she just has to wait. Last week we had a choice: pay rent & buy food or pay bills (which includes child support). Sorry, but the rent got paid (Three days late, to boot) and we had to eat. Her rent is Section 8, and I�m sure it hovers in the area of $200 a month, if that. And she gets Food Stamps, so she doesn�t have to worry about money for food. Well, we do, and our rent is more than $1000 more than her�s. Sure, you need money and you�ll get it, but you won�t get shit if we don�t have a roof over our heads. And she has two kids to feed, we have four. Two of which are large teenagers.
Supposedly, our tax refund should be coming back around March 1st (and I�m talking about the refund that they yanked from us last May), which would help out a ton. Otherwise? I�m looking for a bed at the shelter. Okay, four beds. Hub�s on his own.
Anyway. I don�t even have time to edit this, so excuse my typos and retarded sounding shit. I�ve got to get this shopping done so maybe I can go for a walk outside again before Colin and Makayla show up.
Ciao.