"To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. "
Six days is a fairly long time without an update, no? I�ve become fairly irregular lately. It�s a combination of being somewhat busy during my usual morning update time and being totally fucking lame and boring. Boooooor-ing!
Hub and I are getting ready for spring clean-ups. I asked him this weekend if he could spare some time for me this morning so we could go over a few things. I called it a �meeting� and he jumped at the chance. Never forgot that this morning was our meeting. That�s all I have to do, make it about business and make it sound roughly professional and he�s there with bells on. No complaints about how much work he has to do.
I also have some decisions to make insurance wise, and am trying to implement some kind of schedule for Hub to follow. He has this idea in his head that I should set a schedule for his work, and make appointments with customers for him, etc. I tried last year to get somewhat of a schedule going, tried to get his jobs organized, and it busted right out. He couldn�t follow it and I got aggravated and just stopped. Now he wants this again. I told him I will try it out, but if he can�t follow it then I will drop it and never try again.
I think it�s funny, in the midst of all this immigration reform, that I am wishing for a Hispanic or Brazilian guy to work with Hub through clean up time. All that money we spent last year on all those white guys? We could spend less with just one Spanish guy and get ten times the quality of work from him. Hub and I are in total agreement about this. Watching the news this AM, I mentioned the possibility and Hub was like salivating, �Oh I would LOVE just one Mexican!�. I�m going to go to the credit union I used to work at and ask the Spanish girls if they know anyone.
And yeah, blah blah blah, I know about the government and verifying socials and shit like that, so please spare me the lecture.
Allow me to begin my lameness now.
Pretty much the most exciting thing in my life right now is the fact that it�s spring and signs of it are showing up everyday. This is my favorite season, followed in a close second by summer. Always has been, always will be. I don�t know why, but this is the time of year that I feel most alive. That fresh green of spring coming out on the plants and the trees, I love it.
Late autumn and winter are just depressing to me. Everything is dead. That�s what fall means to me, everything�s dying or going away for the winter. It�s so fucking depressing. And it�s colder and the sun�s weaker and you have to stay inside all the time, ugh. Admittedly, it was a mild winter, but winter nonetheless.
Signs of life are everywhere right now. A chipmunk has taken up residence right out front near all my bird feeders. New birds are showing up every day, and some of the same ones are getting their spring plumage and are beautiful. Bugs are out! Lots of them. Nothing exciting like dragonflies, but still it�s nice to look around and see them flying around.
See, I�m so lame right now. You all should consider yourself lucky that I don�t bore the living fuck out of you with my �guess what I saw in the yard today� stories. I save that for everyone that I live with. For example. Last week, I was outside and heard this bird in the woods. I thought it was a crow, until I saw it. It was the size of a crow and black like one, but it had a different shaped head and neck and it�s head was bright red. I watched this thing until it flew away. All the time thinking, �WTF was that ?!?�. I told everyone I saw about this crazy bird. Then, I spent about an hour online at this bird site I found until I identified this bird. It was a frickin� woodpecker. A �Pileated Woodpecker�. It�s the kind that makes the huge rectangular holes in the trees that I see all the time.
Some hawks flew over Nina�s when I was at her house on the porch last week. They were chasing and/or being chased by just as many crows. As they flew over, the hawks began calling and it was cool. It was so damn cool. Even Nina was impressed.
See, I�m lame. Lame to other people, not me. I love my home in the sticks. I never want to live in a city ever again. Keep me out near nature and I�m set. I love discovering new things everyday and just observing.
The bird feeders I have out front are about the best investment I�ve ever made, and it was quite a small one at that. When I go out to feed them, I swear, they know me. They stay just so far away, but they start singing and I can just picture their songs being about the lady coming to feed them. The chickadees will let me get incredibly close to them before they�ll fly away. More than half of the birds I�ve seen, I never even knew existed before I got those feeders.
Also, there is one of those nasty little red squirrels out there trying to hone in on the bird seed. Fucker. I hate those things. Chipmunks, fine, grey squirrels, okay, but those red ones? It�s war. Think Bill Murray vs. the gopher in �Caddyshack�. That�s me. He�s always stealing the little peanut butter and bird seed pine cone treats I make for the birds. He ruins everything !
When I was a kid, we lived in Nashua, but right on the edge of Mine Falls Park, which is a bunch of trails in the woods. It was brand new then, and I loved taking my dog for walks out there. We moved shortly after, to Litchfield, where we were right in the woods. I was so happy. Ned and I spent hours and hours out there. Beyond the woods was some marshland, and we would catch frogs and polliwogs and toads all the time. I was always looking for wildlife. You name it, if it could be caught, I had one. Amphibians, mice and bugs.
I loved climbing trees and walking through the woods. I would sit and watch anthills forever. When I was a little older I discovered that ants love to eat earthworms, so sometimes I�d plant one by an anthill and watch the carnage. It was fascinating.
I never really grew out of it. I had to suppress it when I got a little older, though. Once as a teenager, I went to the cabin of a friend�s parents on a lake up north. The yard was covered with these cute little froggies. One of those places where you couldn�t take a step without squishing a bunch. I loved it and caught like a bazillion little froggies. My friends thought I was crazy, and I realized then that I really couldn�t get away with that shit and look, um, normal?
Then I had Beavis. And I had an excuse to do all the things I loved to do. Like froggin�. When he was 4, 5 and 6 years old, we�d make specific trips to where we knew there were frogs and we�d bring our buckets and get right in the water and catch as many as we could. I�m telling you, I had more fun than he did and he had a damn good time.
The difference between me as an adult and me as a kid is now that I don�t let the kids keep their catches. They always have to go back. I have that little issue with wild animals in captivity and it goes right down to the smallest creatures.
Another sign of spring: goddamn annoying as all fuck neighborhood kids. Specifically the one next door, Evil Little Eric. He is a fucker of mythic proportions, I may have mentioned before. But, also, he knows WAY too much for a kid his age (he�ll be 8 in a few weeks) and shares the information freely. I�m not talking about him saying the eff word here, either. I�m talking about him saying shit about �sucking on vaginas� and �Smoking weed� and my favorite had to be when we were out sledding and he slid into Minnie with his sled and said he hit her in the �pussy�. Now, I�m sorry but my daughter is only seven and she doesn�t have a fucking pussy. WTF are you talking about that part of her anyway, you little shit, I don�t care where you hit her. Stay the hell away from my little girl.
Last week, Minnie was out in the woods behind the house with ELE, Jennifer and Jaegan, and I happened to surprise them with a visit. ELE and Jaegan had openly peed on stuff out there and were being rough and gross as always. I forbade Minnie to ever go out there again without an adult or Beavis. Sunday she did. I grounded her for her first time because of it. I am serious as a heart attack about her being anywhere where she can�t be seen with ELE.
Also, he is extremely aggressive. He is always hitting, always trying to hit with large sticks and shit. You can�t trust this kid around small animals. He�s evil, I�m telling you.
For obvious reasons, I do not want this kid around my kids. I won�t allow him in the yard anymore, period. He won�t listen to me and he is nasty. Plus, I have Colin and Makayla here who are not my kids and I don�t need them going home to talk about sucking on vaginas or saying, �Look at what ELE did to my head!�. Of course, he has to keep tryiong to get into the yard like it�s some kind of challenge. Our yard has become a walk through area between our house and Nina�s, so the kids (ELE and Jaegan) just cut through. Back and forth, and every time, they stop and I have to shuffle them out and remind them to get the fuck out of my yard. But, Hub and I are putting up some gates here shortly and stopping that shit. I can�t enjoy my own yard because they cut through? Nope, sorry, it�s still my yard and we pay our rent for it. Go around. Little bastards.
I�ve even stopped going to the bus stop early. I�ve had it with those fucking kids. All they do is fight (or act like hyper spastic morons) and I am not so much with the kids fighting over who goes where in line and who cut and who�s too close to who first thing in the morning. I�m talking this is ELE, Jaegan, Jennifer and Minnie. Four kids who can�t stand there for five fucking minutes without fighting.
So, now, I wait until the last minute to walk Minnie down. I figure, fuck it, if we miss the bus, I�ll give her a ride to school. It�s better than being down there early and dealing with their shit. This morning, the bus was pulling up right as we got down the driveway. It�s pure bliss, I tell you. No more bus stop headache first thing in the morning.
Now, next year Mickey and Josh will be down there too. Josh, the prize winning whiner/argument champ. Nina was telling me a few weeks ago that she�ll be going to the bus stop next year because she doesn�t trust Josh not to jump into the road and shit. Yeah. Fucking. Right. She�ll go down to the bus stop. Yah. And leave Julie and Jeremy up at the house? Or bring them? No, she just won�t go down.
But, that doesn�t matter to me at all, because next year? I�m driving Minnie and Mickey to school. Rather than be neighborhood bus stop monitor, I�m bowing out of the whole fucking scene. See ya! I even informed Nina last week. Don�t plan on me being there, cuz I am all set with that shit.
I made a small discovery about myself recently, and that is that I really don�t like children. The only reason I have so many around me is because I have kids. And two thirds of the reason why I have kids is because I like to fuck and I am not so good with the birth control sometimes. But, really, I don�t like kids. Admittedly, there are some children that I genuinely do like. Like, mine. Some others. But so many people don�t teach their children simple shit, like respecting adults, and these are the kids I hate. I said it, I hate them! Keep them away from me.
And why don�t people teach their kids that littering is wrong anymore? Didn�t they teach us that shit in school in the 70�s? Remember the crying Indian on tv? I do. WTF is so hard about teaching kids to throw their shit away? Why do they look at me like I�m a big fat bitch because I�d like it if they threw their fucking chip bag and your powerade bottle in the fucking trash instead of on my lawn? Why is that so hard?
Wow. I am so lame. I�m so lame I wrote four pages in Word about my lameness.
Lame-o, out!