"She whined, "What have you done for me *lately*, Eddie?" I was like..."*Bitch*! You was butt-naked on a zebra last month!"
Remind me the next time that a major holiday is coming up, to stay home the weekend before. My drunken ass invited �everyone� over to my house for Easter, and surprise! �Everyone� happily accepted.
So, including my crew, we will have 24 people here on Sunday. My house SO does not have that kind of capacity! Anyway. Counting *youts* (What is a yout?) that are 14 as adults (since they friggin� eat like adults), there will be 14 adults and 10 kids. Two of the kids are babies, so they don�t count. But, still!
Robert and Rhonda, their three kids (which, they aren�t. Their oldest son is 23, their daughter is 21, and Shawn is 14), Hub�s sister Lily, her husband and her three foster kids, Nina, Jay and Nina�s mom, and their kids, and Sketchy Kevin.
A HoneyBaked Ham ensures me very little cooking. Nina wants to make scalloped potatoes, but she has huge time management issues. Like, I�ll have to tell her we�re eating at 9:00 am just to have it ready roughly at 1:00 pm.
But, anyway. I�m kinda looking forward to it. My family just doesn�t do shit together anymore. Well, if I can pull off having all these people over on Sunday, then for the next major holiday, I�ll offer to have everyone in my family at my house. We�ll see.
So, I�m not busy enough as it is without having to worry about putting this shindig together and clean the house. OMG, clean the house! Yikes. Nothing like some incentive to get it done.
Anyway, we got these new neighbors a month or two ago, after the Hot Karls moved out. Hadn�t seen them in ever, and just found out they actually have kids. Well, �they� is a single dad. I thought, shit, we�ve never seen these kids roaming the neighborhood, so YAY! For parents who are keeping an eye on their kids.
Yah. I met the boy, who�s 8 or 9, yesterday afternoon. That would be right after the kid found a salamander and tore it�s arms, legs and tail off.
Oh great! Another ELE in the neighborhood. Is there something with single dads breeding these future serial killers? I hate to say that, since my dad was a single dad, but really. Guess the kid must have missed his dad�s �don�t torture small animals� talk. Or maybe there wasn�t one. Whatever. Keep that kid the fuck out of my yard. Which won�t be much of a problem, I think, since when I heard that he did that I made it perfectly clear that it was �horrible and rotten and mean and disgusting and how would you like it if someone ripped your arms and legs off?�.
Anyway, speaking of ELE. He was out with his dad over the weekend, shooting Pepsi cans with a BB gun. Beavis went out there and tried it out, then came back in and told me he�s a terrible shot, missed the can every time. ELE, on the other hand, he said, is a perfect shot. Never missed the can time after time.
That is SO wrong! All I could picture was the kid as an adult, on the roof of a building somewhere, pegging off people left and right. I�m scared.
I�ve been spending a lot of time outside this week cuz it�s been gorgeous out and also, Hub�s nephew is here and he can do way less damage outside. He�s brutal. Throwing shit in my house (always heavy shit, he can never throw, like a Beany Baby or something less damaging), knocking kids down, getting into everything.
Yesterday, he totally took Mickey out of a Cozy Coupe car, dragged him on the ground and started hitting him! I put his ass right in time out (and fuck three minutes, he got five) and then I gave Mickey shit for letting him get away with that. Kid, you�re 5 �, Tyler�s 3! Sheesh.
Anyway, I�ve raked the yard, edged the beds and built a little stone wall. I really am not good at this, nor do I really know how to do this, but it�s not getting done waiting for Hub to do it. He told me he�d get some bark mulch, but I�m just going to get it myself. He�ll get it in like August. Full of Formosa termites. Nah, I kid about that. (But really? The Formosa termite infested bark mulch from New Orleans at Home Depot and Lowe�s is a hoax. Just so you know).
OMG, here�s evidence that if you want to use the Bible to support your beliefs, no matter how off they are, you probably can. It came up in conversation yesterday with Nina when she said she�s a �devout Christian�. There�s like a million things wrong with that statement. Start with she never, ever goes to church. Oh, and the unwed mother to four kids thing (which, isn�t a big deal to me--pot calling the kettle black-- but I think the Bible frowns upon it).
It all came up cuz she said she has no problem with gay people, except the Bible says it�s wrong. I was like, okay, how about the being married to have sex thing?
She said, and I shit you not, that the Bible says if you have kids with someone, then in the eyes of God you�re married. Oooooo-kay! I�ve been to Catholic CCD and Protestant Sunday school and trust me, that shit wasn�t in there.
But, who knows. She�s okay with the Bible advocating slavery, too. It says to treat your slaves right, so what�s wrong with that? Um. People as property maybe? She kept it up until I asked her how she�d feel about slavery if she was a slave.
I fucking love ignorance.