Sailing Through On Your Ship Of Righteousness

Alrighty then. This working thing is really interfering with my internets time. Son of a bitch.

I shouldn�t even be writing right now, I should be doing laundry and cleaning and all the stuff that evidently I am the only one capable of handling in this house. (Except Hub did his own laundry this week and that was funny as hell. Fold it? Why? Just plop all the clean shit back into the basket, bring it upstairs and leave it next to the new dirty laundry pile, and then? What? What?!? What�s clean and what�s dirty?!?! OMFG funny).

But I am not. I will accomplish absolutely nothing today. My aunts and only two female cousins are spending the afternoon in Newburyport MA for lunch and shopping. Ha, I have nada dinero. And I�m driving! In my un-inspected, un-insured vehicle. With no gas. LOL if it were any more ridiculous, I�d be in goddamn hysterics right now.

Yeah, things suck with the Hub. We had a ginormous blow out the other night. I was tolerating him rather well for the last month or two, mainly on account of the fact that alcohol helps me not give a fuck. Well, now I�m a working woman and I can�t drink all damn day long. My liver is so happy.

Anyway, Hub looks at me last weekend and says this: �I�m going to clean out the truck, it�s going to end up getting repo-ed�. Like I�m gonna be like, �Oh, okay, sure�. NOT! I was boolsheet, to say the least. And I was so pissed at the nerve of him. THE NERVE! I finally got myself to a place where if I need a new vehicle, I can get one, and he wants to fuck all that up just like that? I fucking think not.

So. Since he�s been handling the cash from his never ending side job it�s all gone horribly wrong. Horribly!!! Our auto insurance got cancelled, our cell phones are shut off, the whole truck payment thing, our rent was late, etc etc etc. But he�s got money to buy beer and a bag of weed all the damn time. What�s wrong with this picture? We�ve been in tight situations before and things have not been this bad, ever, but that�s because *I* was handling the finances.

Again, I get so sick of his bumbling and it�s effects on me. Call me a douchebag, whatever. I was so mad the other night, I couldn�t hold it in. And when I get mad and actually say how I really feel, when it�s contrary to how he feels--big fucking explosion. Commence breaking shit. And it wasn�t me. I didn�t break anything.

Well I guess I�m totally rotten to his kids. Whatever! You�re absolutely right. You are sailing through on your ship of righteousness while I�m drowning in the sea of wrong. LOL, I stole that from Dane Cook.

They say there are no stupid questions, but I say there are. If you walk into the kitchen, and there are two or three pans full of food on it, steam coming up out of them, the smell of food is in the air, and you ask me if we�ve had dinner yet? DEE DEE DEE. Stupid question, and I will reply with a smart ass remark and possibly call you a dumb ass. I calls �em as I sees �em. And I don�t care who�s kid you are, mine or his. You�re a dumb ass. And maybe the kid got all bent out of shape because he knows I�m RIGHT and he�s dumb. LOL.

He wants to quit school now, and that�s stupid. (Mencia�s �dee dee dee song� has for the first line: �You�re too smart for school so you quit, I got three words for you: Ding! Fries ready!�. Not a direct quote, but close enough dammit). Sorry for being honest.

Anyway. So Hub got all bent out of shape, how he hates this house and shit, he HATES it here. Whatever! Look, right over there? Door. Make use of it. Don�t let it hit you in the ass.

When he really got into the breaking shit and once he shoved me is when I went into �You�re absolutely right� mode. Oh that�s a good one. Try it sometime when you�re fighting with your partner. Turn it right around on their ass. You�re absolutely right and I�m totally in the wrong. Even if you don�t mean it, which of course I didn�t. He didn�t know what the hell to do. It was awesome.

So it was pretty ugly, I was really upset. I slept on the couch, even though he said later (after a few beers and a smoke), that I could sleep in bed. Yeah, gee, thanks for the permission. Dink. Then he has the nerve to come down and kiss me on the cheek and say he�s sorry and he loves me. For the love of God. Except, I�m not at all with the sorry AND the love is history. But, say that? Only if I want a fucking black eye.

I could not have gotten a job at a better time.

Anyway, I barely spoke to him for a few days. I worked late Thursday night and then met Caroline and Wayne for a few drinks. A perk of working until 8:30 at night. Then last night, he brought home a twenty pack. Priorities! (I mean, *I�m* the drunk, and I can live without the beer if it means the bills can get paid! WTF. But, you know, I�m a bitch and a douchebag and a FUCKING CUNT, what do I know? LOL, I love this shit, btw. Bring on, Daddy, bring it on. I got big guns, too, but I�m not using them. Fuck it, I�m past the point of really giving a fuck what I get called).

So of course the alcohol numbs my hatred and frustration and I talked to him. Even had sex with him in the middle of the night which I vowed never to do again, but, again, the beer. Now he thinks all is hunky fuckin� dorey.

(SLIGHT DIGRESSION: The Jehovah�s Witnesses have found my house!!! Four years I�ve been here and enjoyed the fact that we were off the main road and immune to them. It�s over. Of course I took the Watchtower and Awake! cuz I honestly enjoy reading that stuff. Also when they come to your house? There are always two, and only one is allowed to talk. The other one can�t say anything. Always talk to the one that can�t talk, and see what happens).

Anyway, yeah, now Hub is all I love you and crap. CRAP!!! Shite! Bullshit! LOL. I can�t even get pissed anymore. I�m still not wearing my rings though. Fuck that. This marriage gig is just as much of crap as his declaring his love for me. Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth a little.

I got to call Bo. I called Bo on the telephone! How cool is that. I actually had a legit reason to. He works for the same construction company that Robert and all those guys do. The one where supposedly Hub is going to work for. Emphasis on the supposedly. So, Hub comes home one day saying that Robert says the company wants to buy his truck. Well, if it helps us avoid repo, then so be it. Of course, Robert gets shit done like Hub does, slow and fucking sloppy.

So with repo looming ever near, I figure, Bo can help me get this done if it�s gonna get done. He has that kind of rep. So, I called Caroline for Bo�s number. And she says he was in Florida this week, working. In Key West. Nice, huh? The company does work down there and they sent him down to finish up a job. Dammit. So I ask if she has Mike�s number, another friend who works for them, and he�s down there too. Well, I was like fuck it give me Bo�s number anyway, I�ll call him down there, it�s fucking work related anyway.

I was like a fucking 13 year old all nervous even though it was legit. I called left a voice mail for him just letting him know that I want him to look into this situation for me and hook me up with whoever I need to hook up with. He called me right back! He said he hadn�t heard anything about it but knew who to talk to once he got back. I was all, �So you can help get this done for me?� and he was all, �Of course�.

I know, I�m 13. Fuck it.

Last night I was on the phone with Caroline and she was telling me she got volunteered to pick up Bo at the airport. I was about 7 beers in by then, and was all DAMMIT if I were sober I�d go too. LOL. �Yeah, Hub I�m going to pick Bo up at the airport, I�ll be home in the morning�. I know, I know, like a lead balloon.

Now I just talked to Caroline, and I�d asked her to relay the message to Bo, �don�t forget to look into the truck thing!� and she says she told him and he said? �She just wants to talk to me�. I was all, �He did not say that!� and she said, �Yes he did� and I was like, �well does it bother him?� cuz I don�t want to bother him, and she said �no, it doesn�t bother him�. I dared not ask if he maybe LIKED it.

Good lord, hello 13 year old Jackie.

I wonder if it would bother him if I called for a not so legitimate reason? Like, sex? Which I wouldn�t do, only on account of the fact that I�m chicken shit. I prefer my usual MO, get drunk and hit on him. LOL. Fuck the whole married thing! Fuck it, I say!

I�m getting a new cell phone when I get paid on Thursday. Our�s is going to be like $600+ to turn back on, and as much as I hate the phone, I really need one now. At work, if we�re busy? We don�t have to answer the phone. Which fucking ROCKS, man. Nothing sucks more at work when it�s busy as hell and you have to deal with Sally Mc Bounces Checks Cuz She Can�t Handle A Fucking Checking Account and get nasty looks from all the folks waiting in line. But, the not answering the phone thing means I could possibly miss a call about the kids, and I can�t do that! And I have no way of calling anyone while I�m there without having everybody at work hearing the conversation. Maybe they don�t need to know that I�m calling Food Stamps, ya know? So I need a new phone. Coink-a-dink-ly, there�s a Verizon Wireless stand inside the same store where I work.

I have little precious time left before I need to drive around the world to get my cousin, my aunt and go to Newburyport. I must shower my nasty ass. Maybe I�ll throw some food at the kiddos.

Anyway, I love you all, I�m sorry I�ve become a bad dland and myspace friend. But y�all understand, right? Right?

Ciao and shite.

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