Fuck Buddies

Fuck .

If there�s one thing I miss by being married, it�s being able to hook up with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Okay, having kids put a damper on that, too, but still. If there�s only one thing to miss about being single, that�s it.

I don�t know what it was, the sexy looks from J on the night before Christmas Eve, or my neighbor looking all fucking yummy and scrumptious all the damn time lately, but my interest in boys has been rekindled. Not that I�m going to do anything about it except gawk. It�s all I got.

And then the other night! Bill Maher has a new special on HBO, �I�m Swiss� that I started watching with Hub, who got bored of it and was kinda pissy about it. No blood and guts or togas, you see. But what he (Bill Maher) had to say, and how he said it, I loved it. So Saturday morning it was on again, and this time I left Hub with the TV upstairs and came downstairs to watch. Well, after a while Hub came down and watched, too, and then it was okay with him. When it was over, I said to Hub, �I�m going to find him, and then leave you for him. Sorry�.

He�s not all that physically attractive, but I just like how he thinks and expresses his opinions. I want to get up and have coffee and read the newspaper every morning with him. Obviously, he has the attention of that part of me that would for once like to have a �thinking� man.

That sounded wicked retarded. But it�s true. So there.

Anyway, yeah, so add Bill Maher to my new list of pretend boyfriends: Joaquin Phoenix, Jake Gyllenhall, Mark Ruffalo, Jack White (haven�t mentioned him much, have I?) and Bill Maher. Again, this chick has a taste in men that is almost as eclectic as my taste In music.

What does one do when their old life is over and they�re all washed up? Well, for one, they have pretend celebrity boyfriends. Ha, I kid. No, they keep walking down Memory Lane, telling the old stories from another time. I�m jealous of these young people and their �fuck buddies�. I�ve had a few in my life.

I think the first guy I ever had sex with, whom I was friends with first and only had sex with for the sake of sex and remained friends with after, was Jerry. I�d known Jerry through friends when I got to the high school in 10th grade. He was a year ahead of me. I knew him well enough to say �hi� in the halls, but didn�t get to know him more than that until my junior year, when we had a science class together. We clicked right away in that class together.

Jerry was a naughty, naughty bad boy in a very pretty package. Not that he was the 80�s version of Metrosexual or anything, his looks were just very deceiving. He had a Matt Dillon face, remember when he was young and he had that gorgeous face? Not that it�s not now, but I�m trying to describe a 17/18 year old boy right here. He was gorgeous, but tons and tons of trouble. Which, I think I�ve established, I loves me some bad boys, but he was a little �bad� for even my taste back then.

So, around April or May of that year, Jerry had a falling out with his parents and moved into a house just down the street from mine. It was a big party house, known to fill the fucking street up with cars and making me angry that I didn�t know anyone there, until Jerry moved in.

We set the whole thing up in science class. The sex thing. We huddled together at our desk and planned us having hot no-strings-attached monkey sex over the weekend at his house. I don�t even know how it came up, it just did.

When I showed up that weekend as planned, with some token friend of mine with me, he had a girl there already! Some stuck up hosebag. I don�t know what he said to her, but she left soon after. And then it was on. I swore that guy started having sex at like 10 or something, because he was good.

For some reason, that being I think that he dropped out of school shortly thereafter to go to work, we didn�t hook up again for another year. Because then, he came back to school to finish up his diploma, and we had another class together. He�d moved somewhere else by then, and this time It was on at my house. The second time? Not so good as the first. Must have been the lack of alcohol.

In the spring of 1988, it was Scott. Scott was in my English class--sophomore English that I had to repeat on account of the fact that I�d failed it the first time. It wasn�t all sophomores in that class, it was a collection of unmotivated kids like myself who just didn�t care much, and sophomores.

Scott was a honey. He was 6 foot something tall and very athletic. He came from a big family, and they were all swimming champions. Himself included. And damn if he didn�t look absolutely delicious in a speedo. He had this girlfriend, a little sophomore who wasn�t giving it to him. They hadn�t been together terribly long from what I could remember. Not that I gave a crap, I just wanted to sex up her boyfriend.

It started with us writing notes back and forth In class. I still have those notes, buried away in the closet in the cellar with my paper journals. I read them a few years ago and couldn�t believe myself! I was a brazen little sex kitten at 17 years old. And he was no better at 16. Those notes were basically all sex, sex, sex, with the occasional diss of someone in the class. (�let�s lay some pipe�look at her! She�s so gay�)

Now, Scott was a friend of my friend Dube�s from back in their Catholic school days. So, we kind of hung out with Dube, as Scott was a closet pot smoker and hung out with Doobs at the time. But, we wanted to keep the hook up secret, partly because of his girlfriend, but also partly because it just made it so much naughtier.

I would grab my dad�s car at night and Scott would sneak out of his house (yeah, former Catholic schoolboy, athletic family, they were kinda strict on him) and we would go park and fuck. I have no idea how many times we did this, but it took us to the end of the school year. He was okay, nothing mind blowing, but it was sex and he was hot, so I liked it.

During the summer, Scott would show up at my house with Dube sometimes. We�d wait until we had a moment alone and make out like crazy. Dube figured it out eventually. And then laughed his ass off.

Then there was John. I�ve written about John before, long ago. I met him while I was still with my ex-boyfriend Sean, when I was 18. Now, Sean was gorgeous and a total prick, whereas John was okay looking, a little bit overweight, but 100% awesome personality. He was so fucking charming and funny. It bugged the shit out of Sean that I liked him, but oh well!

I never had sex with John until after Sean and I broke up. He might not have looked as good as Sean, but he could fuck twenty times better. The first time we did it was on my 19th birthday. He had me in twelve different positions in as many minutes, I swear. We hooked up like every week for a few months after that. Mostly, we�d see each other at parties and he�d steal one of his friends cars and we�d go have sex in it. We�d come back and people would be all pissed at us. Ha ha. They knew why he took their car, too. Ha ha, love stains.

I did like John a lot, but my problem was I was all fucked up from the break up with Sean, I wasn�t ready to be in a �relationship� with anyone else. I wanted to, but I knew I couldn�t. That was my problem. John�s, I think, was that we were from different sides of the railroad tracks. He was from a wealthy family and I was not. I couldn�t even fake being rich. I don�t think I was his type of girlfriend material. Plus, he was at just as much of a fucked up point in life as I was back then.

Definitely my favorite fuck buddy was Mike. I know, I�ve had a million Mikes. There�s enough of them out there. But this is Mike C from 1997. I�ve never written about him before, which is surprising because he was my most significant fuck buddy, and the one who�d have most likely grown into a boyfriend if it weren�t for Dick..

I�d actually known Mike back in High school. He was from Hudson, and I met him first in tenth grade and then again in 11th grade through my Hudson friends. We hung out and smoked pot, but Mike was never anything to look at back then. He was thin, had glasses, and looked like a rat.

However, when I bumped into him again in 1997, I didn�t even remember him at first. We�d actually been fucking for a while before we figured it out. Stupid potheads. He looked completely different. Still with the glasses, which by then were cute on him, but he was much more filled out in the body.

He gets the award for �guy with the most interesting job� that I�ve ever hooked up with. He cleaned the inside of huge chemical tanks. He�d actually go INSIDE of these tanks and clean them out. This usually involved being roped up like he was going rock climbing. I could have listened to his work stories all day.

I �met� Mike again in May of 1997 through mutual friends. We were doing the Martha�s thing every Thursday night back then, and this one particular night, Mike showed up. One of our friends, Randy, was having a party back at his house, so we all left the bar to head to his house. This part of the night becomes very foggy to me. As a matter of fact, for the most part, that night was a black out for me. An �honestly-it-is-not-in-your-best-interest-to-be -doing-shots-of-Sambuca-on-top-of-the-twelve-beers-you-already-drank� kind of night.

Basically, I don�t even remember meeting Mike there. I don�t remember agreeing to ride to Randy�s with him and not my friends. I don�t remember going to my house to pick up weed or staying there and smoking with Mike and my dad. I don�t remember going to Mike�s house instead of Randy�s and I definitely don�t remember Mike asking me to have sex with him and I certainly don�t remember saying yes. And that�s not to say none of this didn�t happen, because that�s exactly how it happened, I just don�t remember it.

I do remember the sex. I remember doing things with him that I�d never done before. I remember that that boy fucked ALL NIGHT LONG. He also has the esteemed position of being the only guy that I ever let fuck me in the ass. More than once!

The next day, he gave me a ride home in plenty of time to get me ready for work. I worked at the nursing agency with my cousin Laurie at the time, and spent most of my day trying to figure out What the fuck happened! Cuz at that point, all I remembered was hot, endless sex. I didn�t remember his name, or how I met him, or anything. I�d whisper to Laurie, �I have to learn more�dammit, I let him fuck me in the ass!�

He�d asked for my number, but I took it as just a one night stand. I really didn�t think he�d call. I had my one girlfriend that was out with us that night pick Randy�s brain for at least a NAME. She did that the following Sunday.

Monday night, he called. (Three Day Rule). I�d have known it was him without the name. All he said was, �Hi Jackie� and I knew exactly who it was. He invited me over to his house, and I went over. He was able to fill me in on all the details I�d forgotten. He was cool. He had no problem with me blacking out. I thought he�d think I was some kind of stupid slut, but he didn�t.

I found out that he had just broken up with someone, this girl I�d known back in high school, Jen. In a word, douchebag. She was a douchebag to Mike and he loved her. I�d already known what she was like from the days, and then a few years before that she had been screwing the fianc� of a friend. Most recently, this woman was married to a friend of Hub�s, a guy who runs a funeral home with his dad. He�s not a creepy mortician guy, either. So, she married this guy, who she dumped Mike for, and then the new husband adopts her daughter. Then , after being married about 2 years, she leaves him for another guy, who just happens to be the biological father of said daughter, moves in with him, and makes sure that the new husband, the adoptive father of the girl who now lives with the biological father, pays his fucking child support, which is like $200 a week. Just so you know what kind of douchebag she is. And her now ex-husband? Is working his way Into state politics to make some changes to the child support laws. He�s a little irritated by the whole thing.

Yeah, so Mike was freshly broken up with Jen and liked to talk about it sometimes. I�d listen, no problem. We�d have all kinds of sex, and then chit chat. He didn�t dwell too much, and I never felt slighted or anything. Number one, just sex, number two, he�d rant and rave about how great the sex with me was and how much he liked my pussy, so I certainly had no room to complain.

That? And I was seeing someone else too. This guy Chris, who I had my sights set on as my next boyfriend. That didn�t end up happening in the long run.

One lovely afternoon early in the summer, I went to the grocery store with Beavis. Who did I see there but Mike. I was going to say hi, as we hadn�t seen each other for a bit, when I noticed that he was with Jen. We made eye contact, and I kind of shook my head and smiled, and then I avoided them.

I was kind of bummed out, truth be told. Any sex with Mike would be out of the question if he was back with her.

He called me that night. He was going to give it another shot with Jen, they had just decided to give it another try within the preceding week, and he appreciated me being cool at the store. Like what was I gonna do? However, this was back in the days when I sold a little marijuana to supplement my income (like another fucking full time job�s worth, and man did it help), and I had become his connection. He still wanted to be friends and hang out and buy weed from me. Which was fine with me.

Ha. They stayed together for like a week. Then it was back on. He came over one night to pick up some weed, and told me the news about Jen. Then he planted a kiss on me and threw me on the bed. Yay for more sex with Mike!

We pretty much hooked up at least once a week for the next month. He�d some over, buy a bag, and then we�d fuck. Or I�d go to his house. Whatever, it was great fun. I remember my friend Gail happened to be coming over one day when he would be, and I was all bragging about how she�d get to see my cute little sex toy. She did, and she approved.

The one thing about Mike was, he was a bit out of his mind. He could have turned out as a serial killer had his life gone slightly differently. It was one thing that kind made me nervous about him, but also was quite attractive to me. There was never a dull moment with Mike around.

Well, 1997 was the fateful year that I hooked up with Dick, as you may or may not know. One Friday, the first in August, Mike came over after work and we had sex, and the next day, I hooked up with Dick and that was the end of Mike. And yes I had sex with two guys in a 24 hour period and no Dick has no clue. Because Dick is a dick and need not know, not then nor now. Actually that would be fun to tell him now, But nah.

Mike is the only guy that Dick knew that he did not accuse me of having sex with, but was the only one that I had. He said he couldn�t picture me with him. I�d think, picture me with his dick in my mouth, and you could see what I was up to the afternoon before we officially hooked up.

Mike called me once more for sex about a week or two after I�d hooked up with Dick. I had to turn him down and I told him I was hooked up, and that sucked. He was totally cool about it, asking if he could still buy weed from me, but I felt bad. Probably because things should have gone the other way. I should have ditched Dick for Mike. Even if shit still stayed as fuck buddies. But. Hindsight is 20/20.

He came over a few times after, but I haven�t seen him since the fall of 1997. He�s one that I wonder about a lot, I�d love to bump into him and seen what he�s done the past 9 years or so.

Okay, so, that�s the end of my walk down Memory Lane. It took a long time, and I have life to tend to. Not that I want to or anything. Tomorrow, I�ll share with you all the incredible incident of this weekend, wherein, Hub LISTENED to me about the shit I�ve been going through regarding my mother. I�m still floored at how much he listened to me.

Ciao.

Listening to: Josh and Mickey. I'm begging now for a bullet to my head.

Currently reading: "Motherless Daughters" Hope Edelman. I've read it before, 10 years ago, but it's time to again.

Thinking about: Mike. *smiles*. I feel like Archie and Edith: "Those were the days".