"I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games! "
I have to start this out by mentioning that I thoroughly enjoyed writing that last entry. It was a rant from hell, but I had to do it. It was one of those entries that I have gone back and re-read and laughed my ass off at. I crack my own ass up when I get on a roll like that.
But, yeah, It�s really bothering me, the favor requests. I know, I need to say something. I just don�t know how. It�s becoming more and more evident that I need to, though. I totally expected to be helping Nina out when she moved in next door, but not quite to the extent that I have been.
See, after all that ranting about everything in my last entry, let�s add to it. Last night she called at roughly 6:05. I was taking a break upstairs, smoking some pot, as my plans for the evening Included finishing making supper (at that point, I�d thrown a meatloaf into the oven already), eating, and putting the kids to bed and just relaxing. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning, plus spent the morning at Mickey�s cardiologist, which turned out to be a bit stressful for me, but I�ll get into that after. Plus it�s getting closer to winter and I swear I�ve got a mild to moderate case of SAD, because all I want to do in the late fall/early winter is hibernate.
So, yeah, she calls at 6:05 and needs someone to watch the kids �for an hour�. Something about moving some furniture for their friends or some shit. You know, last minute fucking babysitting request. Like I just love to have three extra kids in the house especially after I just got rid of Colin and Makayla and especially not when one of those three kids is an 18 month old who has no discipline at home whatsoever and is allowed to do whatever the hell she wants and thinks this carries over to everybody�s house.
I hemmed and hawed and asked about the kids eating dinner as I did not have enough food for all (I�d made a small meatloaf specifically because Butthead would not be joining us on account of the fact that he had to work, plus Josh Is one of those fussy eaters who doesn�t like anything, and that�s the last shit I want at my table. Ugh. Nothing annoys me more than a fucking fussy little shit ass kid saying, �I don�t like this� and making *that face*. I don�t put up with it from my kids, much less anyone else�s) and that I really was not in the mood to have the kids over. Which to me isn�t enough of a reason to say no, although I�ll soon have to change my attitude about that. So, I reluctantly agreed and was promised that it would only be an hour.
Once I hung up the phone, I yelled, �I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF BABYSITTING!!!!� and Hub came upstairs and I went house on him about being sick and fucking tired of the favor requests. It�s getting to be way too much and I just went off. He�s like, �well just say no, then�, like it�s that easy.
Yeah, so, they came over, and of course Julie, the 18 month old, is ready to tear my house up. Which, not. No, in my house, little kids are not allowed to wander the entire house, they stay downstairs, and not in the kitchen since I was cooking supper and kids are to stay the fuck out of the kitchen when I�m cooking. Nor are they allowed to go through my cabinets, or my computer desk, or play with my Xmas decorations, or go through boxes that are sitting behind the couch, or pick through the trash, or jump on the couch, or climb over the couch through the window between the kitchen and living room, etc etc etc. Maybe I�m wound up, or normal. Whatever. But this kid Is used to getting into everything, so when she comes here and finds that she�s only allowed to play with TOYS, she gets all pissy. So the fucking crying started.
And then of course, Josh and Jaegan have to fight and argue with each other or my kids about anything and everything.
Yeah, this is how I wanted to spend my evening.
We had dinner ready, and of course, Nina and Jay weren�t back yet. So, my family has to sit down to dinner with three other kids here. Yay. Jaegan kept looking at us and I was like, �Your dinner is coming with your mom, so you need to turn around and watch that movie�. And of course, Julie was climbing all over the couch repeatedly. I finally had enough of Hub telling her no and her keeping it up that I stuck her in the high chair. At least she shut the fuck up for a few.
Anyway, so, yeah, Jay finally fucking showed up to get the kids at 8:30. Which would be more than two hours, as opposed to the promised one. Of course, he was apologizing profusely, it wasn�t their fault, yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. Next time, the answer�s no. Even if the excuse is that I don�t want to.
Then, Nina calls to apologize. But not just that! No! Remember the doctor�s appointment that was rescheduled? Yeah, that would be for today, in the morning of course, and could I babysit? Well, actually, I said, NO, because I had plans to get groceries this morning and I�m not changing them. So, she said she�d try to reschedule for this afternoon instead. I have heard neither here nor there of the new time, but I�m hoping that it is not for today as I am Colin and Makayla free for the afternoon and I could really use the time.
And then. Always an and then, folks. This morning, I took Minnie down to the bus stop and the bus showed up a few minutes early. Actually, it was more like on time. They ask that the kids are out there at least five minutes before the arrival time just in case. I�ve told Nina a million times, Jaegan should be out there at 8:05. Of course, this morning he wasn�t. And the bus showed up even as Minnie and I were walking down the driveway.
So, I get back in the house after and you can guess what happened. Jaegan called. His phone manners are completely non-existent. �Can I have a ride to school, I missed the bus�. So I said I�d call him when I was ready to go. Because I was not dropping everything for him to go. When I called back, he answered and first, he answers the phone, �YEAH?� instead of hello. Then I said, �I�m ready, let�s go� and do you know what he said? �Can you wait until I�m finished my snack?�. Fuck you, kid. I said, no, I�m ready to go now and this is when I�m going. Wait until I finish my snack. Bullshit. And, when I dropped him off, he wanted to be dropped at a certain place, and I said, this Is where you�re getting out, like it or not. And? No fucking �thank you� whatsoever. Nice, kid.
He annoys the shit out of me, btw. And I�m not the only one.
And probably the best thing that�s come out of them living there. Oh this is a thrill. I�m so fucking excited about this I could just shit. A few weeks ago, I was down at the bus stop with he kids, and the conversation turned to Michael Jackson and his missing nose tip. Well, whenever the convo turns to MJ and plastic surgery, my favorite line is, �And he used to be black, too�. I said that and all of a sudden Jaegan says, �I hate black people!�.
Well, I am just the wrong person to say that shit around. You need to know me for like five seconds to know that I do not tolerate racism, etc, one itty bitty little bit. You can say fuck and shit and bitch all day around my kids, but do not utter one �chink� or �N**ger� (see, I can�t even TYPE that word) or anything like that. I gave him a lecture along the lines of, �How about I bring you to a group of black people and you can say that to them? Let�s see how cool you are then�. Fucker.
Nina�s not racist, nor does she speak that way. Jay, however, has some prejudiced views that I don�t particularly care for. While I haven�t heard him say It myself, Nina has said that he likes to make comments like, �I like black people, I think everyone should own one�. Which, obviously, that�s bullshit, but you can see where the kid might have been influenced by that kind of thinking.
Just keep that shit away from my kids, is all I have to say. Because when my kids start getting influenced by that, I start to get bullshit.
Well. Yesterday after Mickey�s doctor�s appointment, he came up to me and said, �Black people are bad, right?�. Well, I didn�t need to think long to figure out who put that into his head. Fucking Josh, even though Mickey wouldn�t admit it. I very calmly told him that the color of one�s skin does not say who Is bad and who is good. Good people and bad people come in all colors. And then I explained about Smokey, and Jerome and Quinn in NY (Alex is black too but his skin tone is totally white, even though he has black features like a broad nose and full lips. He is going to be one stunning young man when he grows up, very exotic. His eyes are green, too. But I digress), and how they�re black but they�re not only not bad, but they would be very hurt to hear something like that out of his mouth.
It enrages me that he has been exposed to this ridiculous thinking at such a young age. I mean, let�s not even get me started on how Josh told Mickey that �God is bad�. I look back on how I raised Beavis to be open minded, and how it shows now. And how he was 9! 9 years old and he had no idea what the �n� word meant when he heard it at the Boys Club one day (and fortunately, he heard it from black kids using it on each other and not some white trash little scumbag). I want my younger kids to be raised that way, I don�t want them to know about racism and shit until they�re old enough to understand that that kind of thinking is wrong.
Argh. I just vented like crazy on the phone to Hub about all this. I don�t want to have a war with them, the favor requests (babysitting in particular) need to ease up. A lot.
Anyway. I really didn�t mean to go on for so long about this, but obviously it�s bothering me.
So. Mickey�s cardiologist appointment. The first one where the subject of �procedure� came up. I knew this was coming, Mickey�s old Cardiologist had mentioned the age of eight for him needing some intervention, and we�re getting closer, and yesterday�s appointment hit that fact right home to me. Basically, his aorta is a major concern. For those who don�t know, the aorta is the major artery that takes the oxygenated blood from the heart out to the rest of the body. It�s a pretty fucking important blood vessel, you see. Due to his heart defect, before it was repaired his aorta was very under-used, and there is a mild �coarctation� in his aorta, like a little pinch (imagine an artery that�s clogged with plaque. Kinda like that, only it�s the vessel itself and not plaque). Right now, it�s okay. However, the numbers as changing as he grows, and his aorta will grow except for that spot. He�s five, so his growth isn�t going to fast for it to catch up, but once he hits a growth spurt, it�s going to present a problem.
Right now, the doctor isn�t sure what kind of procedure he�ll need, but it will be either surgery or a cardiac catheter. While a cath isn�t exactly a walk in the park, I�d rather see him have that than surgery. Although, fortunately, if all they need to do is fix his aorta, that can be done without stopping the heart and putting him on the heart/lung bypass. Which takes some of the stress off. A little.
I guess I�ve taken his health for granted because he�s done so well for so long. I kind of overlooked the fact that his growth will have a big effect on his heart. And, hello, the heart! The heart is very important. I sat and thought about the possibility that I could lose him early in his life. Because, well, the heart. It makes me think that if he ever does go, I should be thankful for the time that I had with him. And I am. And? I�m totally thinking like I did back when he had his surgery.
Which brings us to my other boy who will going under the knife next Monday. I�m really nervous about that, too. Anesthesia just sketches me all out. Nobody in my family has ever had a problem with it, including me, but still, shit can happen. That and the fact that they�ll be cutting my baby�s ball sack open! He was surprised to hear me tell him that I�d be there all day, sans kids, and that YES I will be worried. Just cuz he�s 6 feet tall with that man voice does not mean that he�s not my little boy anymore.
Yesterday was the �pre-surgery� phone call, where the nurse asked me a bazillion questions and then went over all the crap like no eating after midnight, etc. Which just kind of hit it home that this is happening. And I am far more worried than Beavis is. He can�t wait to get rid of his 20 pound ball sack, so it�s a good thing for him. Now he can have sex or something, who knows.
And I got a letter from Ned this weekend. He�s every bit the piece of work his ex and kid are. In order for him to get out of jail earlier, he has to have a job lined up with a legit company with a Tax ID#. Which, of course, Hub and I happen to have one of those. So, he�s asking if we could say he has a job with us �I don�t care if you have work for me or not as long as the jail thinks I do. Please help with this or I�ll have to spend another 3 months in here�. Well, this is not something I�m willing to do. And I won�t. I�m going to write him back and tell him, �no fucking way� on that.
Where do people get their nerve? What makes someone think that they can ask someone to lie for them and risk so much? Seriously, am I to assume that the jail might not check that out? Honestly, there�s a reason why I�ve never been arrested, I have a tendency to follow the law. (Sure, I veer away from it a tad with the whole pot smoking thing, but even if I did get caught breaking that law, I never have large quantities, I rarely go anywhere with it on me, and I don�t carry anymore than a joint�s worth. So, if I were to get busted with it, I�d get a little fine and a spot on my record, if that). And the business is our bread and butter. In a few months, the business will be a year old and they say if you can make it through the first year, you can make it. And I want to fuck that all up for Ned? Brother or no, that�s too much to ask of anyone.
He goes on to say that he WAS staying out of trouble when he was sent away, it�s just cuz he couldn�t afford the drug and alcohol evaluation that he was ordered to take. Now, I don�t know how drinking like an ass and being unemployed is staying out of trouble, but he seems to think it is. (Oh, that�s a funny line. Here I am, I drink like an ass--although I have cut it down quite a bit--and I�m unemployed. People who live in glass houses�).
I�m really going to ream him when I write back. I�m going to say all the things I�ve wanted to say to him for years but haven�t. He will hear about how much it pisses me off that he upsets my dad and oh yeah there will be mention of what a shitty role model he Is for Jaegan as well. I�ll post it here when it�s done. It won�t do any good for him whatsoever, but at least I�ll have said my peace.
But all in all, aside from my mounting frustration with Nina and Company, and my worry about my boys� health, I�m doing okay. Like I have a choice. As much as I�d like to spend days on end in my room with the curtains shut and the tv on, life keeps moving on and that�s not an option for me. My kids would not hear of it. Those bastards can�t even leave me alone long enough to take a crap. And, you know, that�s not such a bad thing. They love me. My husband does too for some unknown reason. So I have a couple of things to be happy about.
Another thing to be happy about? Having money to go grocery shopping with. That�s always nice.
And lastly, you can all be happy that this entry has finally ended.
Ciao!