"By the way, it says BALLS on your face"
I am such a fucking drama queen. Not to trivialize how I was feeling yesterday, because I was in the throes of utter despair. Now, there�s still despair, just not as much. Mostly on account of the fact of the support of my real life friends and my dland friends who totally fucking rock. Thanks so much for your encouragement and supportive comments and emails.
Since that entry was so dismal and awful, and kind of embarrassing to me at the moment, rather than delete it (which I never, ever do here), I stuck in my private folder and changed the p-word for now.
I worked myself right up yesterday, drinking coffee and not eating breakfast, which by 11:00 AM had me puking in the toilet after I took some advil to get rid of the massive headache I gave myself.
In the middle of it all, my friend and adoptive mother, Linda, from NY called me. And I just let loose about everything, how much trouble we�re in, blah blah blah.
Now, you all have to know, aside from pissing and moaning here, I rarely bother others with my problems. This is 100% inherited from my grandmother, I swear. Anyway, yeah, I never ask people for money, nothing. I hate to, it makes my stomach turn to ask others for help. So, when I was on the phone with Linda, who�s married to a millionaire, she wanted to send me money, and I kept refusing, cuz it�s not my style. But, she insisted on at least paying to get the van on the road. And then, because I mentioned Beavis needing clothes, she wants to buy him clothes.
Well, her daughter Kristin just happens to be coming out here this weekend to see her other daughter Steph who lives right over the border in Maine. Later on yesterday, Kristin called. Linda is sending her with a check for us, and then Kristin is going to take Beavis shopping to get some clothes. I have no choice in the matter, that�s just how it is.
So, that alleviated some troubles. We�re not out of the woods yet, but I�m thinking the rent is at least going to get paid. And we�ll have food.
Plus, I get to see my friend Kristin! =)
Trust me, as much as I mention it, I�m not going to kill myself. My maternal instincts and my will to stay with my children until they are grown far supercedes any suicidal tendencies that I may have. That�s not to say that, oh fucking yeah, I could truly benefit from some hardcore psychological help.
Oh. Is it any surprise that I started my period yesterday?
Anyway, for those who asked, I do have a paypal. It�s like confirmed and verified and everything. I�ve had it since my first dland diary back in 2001. Upon orders, I went to the site and made a button and put it here, as much as I hate to do that cuz this just isn�t my style.
Anyway, when I went to the paypal site, I saw �Paypal Visa Card! Apply now! Answer in 30 seconds!�, so, I thought, fuck it, and applied. And got approved. Cut the shit. It�s only for a $500 limit, but still. That�s kinda cool. I have no credit cards, I live better without them, but that�ll help build a little more credit. Only, I am NOT telling Hub, he will find a way to max it out, and that�s not going to happen. Not at the interest rate it�s at. Fuck that.
As far as the business goes, we can�t give it up yet. As much as I hate it, it makes more money for us than if he and I both worked regular jobs.
He has been working this week for Litchfield, cleaning up trees that went down in the wind on Friday. It just sucks cuz whoever the Treasurer for the town is is fucking slow at paying out invoices, and the road agent for the town, Jerry, who is Hub�s boss there, is constantly giving him shit for it cuz he knows his guys are depending on the income from what little snow we�ve had. So, he made a good $1000 in three days, but it�ll be two weeks before we see it.
I know he�s an idiot, but, and Linda even had to remind me of this yesterday, he�ll pull us out of it. She called him �resourceful�, which, he can be. It just blows that we�re here in the first place.
He�s already looked at two landscaping jobs for the spring (new customers) including one, a member of the credit union when I worked there, who has $10,000 worth of work to do on his property, and he wants Hub to do it. It�s February. He didn�t get any calls last year until the end of March. So, that�s good.
Also? We billed out $105,000 worth of invoices last year. !!! Cut it out. I am in the process of looking into a larger SBA loan (thanks to Imadad2 and Kelly for the linkage on that) for the year. If he can get some equipment, he can save a shitload on rentals and then we can also have enough money to pay off what we owe (which is, what $6,000? Or so?) and have some cash to run the business.
The truck loan is�going. Evidently, when Hub registered the business with that State of NH last year, he didn�t put my name on it, so that has been the hold up. They wanted to put the loan is his name, and, um, no. Just no. He�s cleaned up his credit in the last couple of weeks (all by himself, believe it or not), but it�s not going to look better for a month or so. So, since the Tax ID# is in my name, they will do it in mine, but we still need to get my name on with the State so that doesn�t happen again.
They said the truck loan looks good, though, we�ll get a final answer this afternoon. And, I guess the garage that has my van right now (which is the garage I hooked Hub up with last year, they did my grandparents� vehicles for like 50 years and are quite reputable) wants his Dodge, even though it�s a piece of shit, so if we do get the truck loan, he�s going to see if he can work out a deal with the garage to pay off the van repair in exchange for the truck.
(Do not take all this positivity (new word!) to mean that everything will be okay, Jackie. Do. Not. It will bite you in the ass).
Anyway. I sent him out last week to the store to get some stuff. I rarely trust him with this kind of errand, but I couldn�t go. Anyway, on item on the list was TP. I usually buy the one ply, 1000 sheet rolls. They last longer. He bought double ply rolls. 12 of them.
Well. Needless to say, we are all so used to the one-ply, that we�ve all been stopping up the toilets with this shit. I�m probably the main offender, I�ll admit it.
Mickey just came out of the bathroom a few minutes ago and said, �Mama, the downstairs toilet is flushing up again�.
Flushing up. See, I can�t kill myself when I have so many more years of that kind of comments to look forward to.
I mentioned taking a hike out in the woods with him, and he is running out of patience to go. So, guess what I�m going to do now?
I love you all. Every single one of you. =)