Remind me never to stop drinking again
I have shit to write about except bitching, so we�ll just see what becomes of this.
I feel like one of �those diaries�. A train wreck. I hate my life for the most part.
I had a great week last week, and an awesome weekend. Mainly because self-medicating with alcohol helps my state of mind but I�ve got to lay off it. Or I�ll get fat again and lately rediscovering my old wardrobe has been one of the most exciting things in my life. I know, how pathetic. Also, not having any kids but my own last week was refreshing as all hell.
Again, I need to go back to work. Which reminds me, as further proof that God hates me (he probably has every reason to, I�m starting to believe), Fidelity never called me back. So, I suck. I�m going to get back on working on that resume. Which, I had this fucking awesome resume written up a few years ago, in the last computer, and never saved a paper copy. Retard. Now I have to start from scratch and let me tell you, it ain�t easy. I hate that shit.
The best job I found in the paper Sunday is 8-5. That�s the biggest negative. My kids can�t be at their school before 8:15, and I am not leaving them alone at that bus stop. No fucking way. No problem having them come home to Beavis after school for a few hours (however, he leaves for school at 7:00 am), but no way am I leaving them down there alone with the little fuckers from this neighborhood at that bus stop. So, I�ll apply anyway, fuck it, the job is right down the street, but if it comes to me leaving the kids alone in the morning at that bus stop, I�ll have to bow out.
We had no Daisy at all last week. Not even on his Wednesday, she was at some Vacation Bible School at the freaky as all hell church that she goes to. Which, fine with me! Then, Sunday, Helen asked if she could come Monday instead of Sunday, she was going to Six Flags with a friend. Fine with me!
Then Hub comments, to me, of all people, �She�s taking all of my visitation away�. To which I replied, �Shut the fuck up�. He barely even sees her when she�s here, 98% of her time here is spent with me, so again, shut the fuck up. Actually spend some time with her, and I�ll feel bad for you. The day we went to the beach without her? I came home that evening, he�d picked her up, then left her with Butthead to go back out to work. The reason for her coming here is what? To burden me with extra kids? Cuz I�m not seeing a lot of quality time spent between them and to sit there and bitch that she�s not here for YOUR visitation is bullshit.
I hate him. We got along this weekend quite well because I was drunk all weekend. Sunday Nina slid me some percs which just give me the warm fuzzies for anyone in my path. Sobered up is a different story. So, I�m torn. Drink a lot and get fat and let my life fall to shit, or sober up and be stressed the fuck out all the time.
We had the gang over Saturday night for a nice little barbecue, beer drinking and a fire. Nice turnout and it didn�t cost much $$$ at all. BYOB, baby. Bo was here and I was probably too friendly since Jay caught on to me whispering in his ear and told Hub to �keep an eye on your old lady around that guy�. All I can say is WHATEVER. I don�t care anymore. I just don�t.
And special thanks to that douchebag Julie up the street for calling the fire department on us due to the fire we had. I�m sure she was disappointed when they let us keep the fire, as it was low and contained, and the fire fighters wanted to know what the fuck it was to her when you can�t see our house from her�s. I say, she saw a party going on that she wasn�t invited to and got jealous. Douchebag.
My life is in tatters. Our bills are so far behind at this point, I don�t know if we�ll recover. The business has ruined my name and it�s up to me to pay back $8000 in debt, like it�s not going to be hard enough to support my kids on what I can expect to make as it is.
I need to talk to a lawyer, I really do.
Also, my coffee needs Baileys. STAT.
I�m just a big downer today. And it�s too bad cuz it�s my baby�s sixth birthday. He got the Nintendo DS that he�s been asking for for months. It cost way too much money and probably could have better spent on school clothes, but we�re all pretty accustomed to the fact that no one�s getting school clothes (out of my kids, anyway. His will be all set so he�s not fucking worried) until I go back to work, and maybe even not then.
Okay I�m ending this before I fucking blow my head off.